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Faith Like Potatoes
by Julie Michaelson
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And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith. [Matthew 21:22]
"LORD......? Were they speaking .......ENGLISH?"

"Yes, My child."

"The only parts I UNDERSTOOD... were the times they had SUBTITLES for....ZULU!"

Gentle Sigh.
"Child, you only watched HALF.. of it."

Sipping on orange soda.
"That was ENOUGH!" I was surprised I lasted....THAT long!"

Beckon to an angel who has just arrived with a basket full of prayers.

Carrying the soda.
Looking in the refrigerator for some thing to eat.
"The only reason I WATCHED it... cuz a friend GAVE it to me to WATCH!"

Patient Nod to the angel who has just swept in. The angel is all sweaty and red-faced; he has been collecting prayers in San Antonio all afternoon.

"And that GUY was so OBNOXIOUS! Beating UP people all the TIME! He was DISGUSTING! I couldn't understand HIM, at all! Was he speaking in...ENGLISH?"

"Yes, Mein kinder."

Nod to the angel who is wiping off his sweaty face with the edge of his gauzy gown, and kneeling on one of the Throne Room Kneeling Cushions; he falls face down on the cushion: in worship, and in heatstroke. One of the Throne Attending Angels walks over, barefoot, and hands him a bottle of fruit-flavored Gatorade, and a big glass filled with ice.

Sticking head into refrigerator. Pull out some cheese and crackers.
"And, it was so PREJUDICED! He'd only SOCIALIZE with those disgusting WHITE GUYS who drank, smoked, CURSED, spoke HORRENDOUS ENGLISH......and, tortured those poor HORSES!"

Gentle Pause while watching the Prayer Messenger Angel gulping down his Gatorade, and wiping his sweat-stained wings with a cold wet towel from the Throne Attending Angel.
Gentle Sigh.
"Child, they were playing..... POLO."

Cut a piece of cheese and set it on the floor.
"Well.....it looked like they were KILLING those poor HORSES! ECH! Those men....were DISGUSTING! Why did they call this a FAITH movie, ANYWAY?"

Gentle Sigh.
Nod to the Messenger Angel who asks if he can collapse on the Kneeling Cushion, and take a breath before reading out the prayers from South Texas.

"They were DISGUSTING! And so PREJUDICED! All they did was swear, cuss, drink, smoke, get in fights....and talk nasty about the Africans!"

Gentle Frown. "Child, there was a MESSAGE.... in the movie."

Set another piece of cheese on the kitchen floor.
Munch on a cracker.
"WHAT? Don't marry a WHITE GUY.... from AFRICA?"
Chomp. Chomp.

Beckon Patiently to the Throne Attendant Angel to bring over the basket of prayers. The Messenger Angel is sound asleep on the Throne Cushion: another angel has put a blanket over him so that he doesn't get chilled from the cool breezy air of the Throne Room. The blanket is sky blue and has pictures of angels on it.

"Plus, they showed that poor COW suffering in the BEGINNING of the MOVIE! I would have turned it off THEN, but I was bein' too LAZY."

Nod. Sigh.
Listening to the Throne Room Attendant Angel reading the prayer slips one by one. The slips are all damp with humidity and sweat. A couple flies and mosquitoes are lying at the bottom of the basket: they suddenly become alive again, fly out of the basket and out of the Throne Room, and up into the Heavenly Air: buzzing about happily.
"Yes, Mein kinder."

"I'll just tell my FRIEND, when I RETURN it....that it was OKAY. Ya know; I don't want to seem UNGRATEFUL about her lending me the MOVIE and all."

Nodding, while listening to the Attendant Angel reading the damp prayer slips one by one. The Attendant Angel doesn't read American very well, and keeps mixing the verbs up with Angelic-Slang-Speak. One of the slips has a scorpion in it; the scorpion has survived the trip through the Earth's atmosphere and into the Third Heavenly Realm; it's perfectly fine, and crawls out of the basket and up onto the cushion where the Messenger Angel is still platz'ing* from flying through all the South Texas heat.
"Of course not, child. Very gracious."

"Oh, YEAH! I wouldn't tell her how bad I thought the MOVIE WAS! It was HORRIBLE! I don't think I'll ever eat a potato..AGAIN!

Patient Sigh. Nodding and listening to all the prayers.

"WHY didn't that guy help his poor COW? Wasn't he a FARMER? Isn't that what they.....DO? To ME, that just showed his lousy...CHARACTER!"

Sigh. Nod to the Messenger Angel, who has woken up and asks if he can have a bowl of ice cream because he feels like he has had a bad case of heat stroke.

"And, that poor WIFE! He made her live in that tin-can-thing, and making her PREGNANT forty times a day! What a LOUSE!"

Patient Nod.
"Well, child, he did build her that little house later on."

"YEAH! Only cuz one a' his poor tortured WORKERS insisted on BUILDING one! And, that disgusting HUSBAND even fought him about THAT! And...how come he lived down there so long, and couldn't even speak ZULU? He couldn't speak ENGLISH, either!"

Sigh. Nod to the Attendant Angel who has finished reading the first batch of prayers, and beckoning another angel to set them in the Golden Bowls before the Thrones. The Messenger Angel has gratefully accepted a big bowl of chocolate-chip-n-mint ice cream from his friend, and seems to be recovering a bit from his flight through South Texas. "Did you like the other movie, child."

"Neah. That one wasn't very good, either. I just didn't like it."

Nod. Patiently frown at the Messenger Angel who still is sitting cross-legged on the Kneeling Cushion and dipping a chocolate chip cookie into his bowl of ice cream.

"So I stuck in a 'Touched By An Angel' dvd. That helped me get over watchin' that awful .....MOVIE."

Patiently Nod. "I understand, Mein kin'da'lah."

"Yeah. That Death Angel's a real SHANE'I'KAH**, ain't he?"

Patiently, though sternly pointing to the Door of the Throne Room, while giving orders to the Messenger Angel to fly out again on another Basket-Pick-Up. "That's not very good English, My child."

"Yeah, but I'm an AMERICAN! It's .....DIFFERENT!"

Patiently shaking His Head 'NO', when the Messenger Angel asks if he can pick up a Prayer Basket from Hawaii. The angel woefully slumps up from his big soft cushion, spreads out his sweat-matted wings, and begins to fly out of the Throne Room Door Way: headed again for South Texas. Two bottles of cherry-flavored Gatorade are stuck in the big faux-leather pouch hung over his left wing; the right one, for some reason, is not as strong, so he has to carry everything on his left wing.
"I understand, kin'da'lah." I understand."
Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.
[Luke 8:48]

*Yiddish: fainting. **Yiddish: extremely handsome. Copyright 2012.

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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