The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and I were casually sitting on the back porch enjoying our evening coffee together. Suddenly, the conversation turned to things political. This does not happen very often so at the moment I was a little surprised by this turn of current events.
My wife does not spend much time keeping up with political news or events. Therefore, I was a little surprised when she made some comments in this area. It began when my wife said, "Why is it every politician running for president insists that Washington is broken and they are just the ones to fix it?"
Well, she had me there. Most politicians worth their pork barrel payment have the audacity to believe they are political prophets able to see what is wrong with everything in this country, particularly those things in Washington, DC. Not only can they see what is wrong but also they know the exact way to fix it. However, no two solutions are alike.
They look at the Washington, DC area and view it as a fixer upper. Then they go around the country hammering away with the promise that they can fix it and fix it for good. All these politicians have "fixed" our government for sure, but not in the way they think. It is more along the line of when you take "Lucky" to the veterinarian to have him fixed. The results are the same in both situations.
Then my wife made this observation. "If these politicians are so all fired up about fixing problems, I would like to show them our plumbing problem."
Of course, what my good wife does not realize is politicians can only fix hypothetical problems not real ones. And the more hypothetical the more eloquent they are in their speeches about it. Whenever you hear a politician waxing eloquent in his speech you always know you are listening to an airbag.
It was my turn to astonish my wife.
"I have solved the mystery of picking the president of the United States," I said rather arrogantly. I was waiting for her response. And I did not have to wait long.
Then I laid out for her my scheme for picking the president.
"It's very simple. People pick a president about the same way they pick their nose."
I knew from her astonished look I would have to explain what I meant. But it is true, nevertheless, picking a president is like picking your nose.
The first thing is that nobody gets to select the nose they will have for the rest of their life unless of course they submit to plastic surgery. I have seen some noses that if it were mine, it would not be mine for long. We may owe plastic surgeons quite a lot for saving the on looking public the excruciating pain of looking at ugly noses.
It is the same way nobody gets to choose the list of potential presidents they will have to decide on in the upcoming election. We all have to learn to live with the one or the other that has been given. Sad to say, in both areas, most of us have truly blown it.
In this area of picking, some do it openly and unashamedly. They do not care who sees them or hears them for that matter. They firmly believe as Americans they have the constitutional right to do this plainly and blatantly.
Of course, there are always those who deny they even have a nose let alone stooping to picking it in public. Some things, according to them, are better done in private, behind closed doors. Whoever invented "closed doors" has probably done society more benefit than any other invention. I must admit with some people it is quite hard to ignore the fact that they have a nose. It is the most prominent feature of his or her face but everybody has the right to live in the wonderful land of denial.
Then I come to the more technical aspects of this matter of picking. Some prefer the left over the right while others prefer the right over the left. Then of course there are those who do both at the same time confusing everybody watching them.
It is very confusing talking with these people because one time they are on one side and the next time they are on the other side. I know both sides are equally significant but I hate being confused.
These, I think, would be called "equal opportunity pickers." They do not prefer one side to the other but both sides, in their opinion, is good. It is hard to argue with logic like that. It is the same kind of logic that your wife uses when she asked you, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
No matter if you are picking the president of the United States or your nose, you always end up with the same thing.
There is only one selecting process that is devoid of any frustration at all. Jesus mentioned it, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you." (John 15:16 KJV).