I’ve had a rough couple weeks. I have been thinking about myself too much. Caring too much about myself and how I come across to other people. I am a people pleaser. And not only do I want to please people, I want them to like me. Really like me. That gets exhausting after a while. People are not always going to like me or want to get coffee with me or be my new best friend. People are not always going to agree with me or “get” me or think my thoughts are profound or meaningful in some way. Why do I care so much? Gal 1:10 “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Wow. It doesn’t get much clearer than that.
Another thing that has been on my mind is the fact that I compare myself to others so much. And I always end up short. I especially compare on topics like mothering, my walk with God and how I measure up to other women in areas such as looks, body, clothes– you know, the usual. That is exhausting too and depressing because like I said, I always come up way short. 2 Cor. 12:9-10 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul goes on to say, “therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” For the sake of Christ I am content with these things…
Something else that has been bothering me is a comment I heard the other day. A woman that I respect and look up to said that many of her prayers focus on being a better mom and wife. Something about that didn’t really sit well with me but I wasn’t sure why. I even started to feel guilty because many of my prayers are not focused around seeking to be a better mom or wife. Not that I don’t want to be. I want to be the best wife and mom that God created me to be. So I have been questioning my role of a wife, mom, friend, person in this world. And just this morning I said to God, “I just don’t understand my life!” And I felt Him say to me, “that is your problem.” Oh! Its not about me or my life or what I think or even understand. Its about God, what He thinks, what He is doing with and through me that matters. And I just need to get out of the way so He can work in me.
He knows the kind of wife my husband needs and He knows the kind of mom my children need and I just need to get my “self” out of the way so that He can be God and do His thing in our lives. I think sometimes when we pray we focus on ourselves too much and what we think we need Him to do for us. But really all we need to pray is “Jesus, make me more like You.” Heb 1:3 “He [Jesus] is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of His nature, and He upholds the universe by the word of His power.” But you know there is always the downfall with being like Jesus in this world. We will suffer, we will be persecuted, people won’t always want to be our friend or go to coffee with us, or “get” what we are about. That seems light, not even comparable to what Christians in other parts of the world are going through and I feel almost silly for mentioning it, but suffering and persecution will look different in America, in this generation. If you are not suffering or being persecuted in some way, are you really living for Jesus? 2 Tim. “Indeed, all who desire to live a Godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.”