I know the scriptures but I'm lost in flesh.
Broken for what she'd done, though it's been addressed.
To my friends I flash a smile; strings tied to plastic.
I am trying to walk Your mile, with this heart so drastic.
I'm okay when I remember You see me from the heart up.
When it's dry and so cracked You fill it with Your quenching cup.
You can take the tears and anger; You are bigger than that.
You're not threatened by my danger, or when I'm such a stupid brat.
You've written down all my tirades; You don't miss a word,
It's all because it's me inside; I know because I'm heard.
You don't try to fix me; my own words convict.
You're just waiting to set me free, with that spiritual trick.
Why'd she have to hurt me from the sole of my being?
She knew so well how to break me, the one she's clearly seeing.
She was all, except for You; my female Jonathan.
When she did what she did, I was more than undone.
Now my mind fights my heart; her act rivals Yours.
In the day I'm in the dark, an incomprehensible force.
I've forgiven with a stumbling; I've come to hate myself.
I can be me before You, my Ever-present Help.
They hear the phony laugh, You feel the genuine ache.
I am caught in Your Spirit's draft, for goodness I will break.
I can be who I am, Your presence is closer than me.
You picked me from the foundation of Time, knowing what I'll be.
Truly You are my Best Friend, just as You are my Father.
When Your Son met my end, I became His brother.
All these things that You read of my sickening loss,
even then He already knew, hanging on that cross.