Short Stories
Her home sat on the Enumclaw plateau looking over the Cascade Mountains. It was not large by any means of the imagination but it was hers. It had three bedrooms but they no longer had furniture in them as that had been lost in the divorce. The only thing remaining was the recliner he used to sit on which was now her bed. Six months had gone by without a word from the children. Had it been that long? She looked out her living room window as the afternoon sun was setting. The mountains were ablaze in red and orange reflecting on the snow lined peaks. For most, it was a glorious site but not for her, not for someone like her. It was her reminder of the pain, the nausea and the knowledge of what she will do, what she must do, of what she has done for so long.
She cried, she yelled, she prayed for help as she did every night and then she stuck the needle in her abdomen just below the waist line. The pain in her body slowly oozed away as the drug raced through her bloodstream and settled in her brain. She no longer remembered the pain of the needle. That was a long time ago. She soon became tired and fell asleep.
Surveying the scene around her she was taken aback. It was the cottage on the lake where they first lived. The smell of the cedar and wild flowers was fresh in her mind and it made her want to dance, to jump, to run to the cottage and put her arms around her love. Her children would be there too, young and full of energy. She yearned for them as she charged to the cottage and opened the door. There was no one there. The dream shifted.
Now it was the church where they were married ,where they raised their children and where she came to know the Lord. It was also deserted and empty. She shuddered in her sleep as the memories of what was slammed into her mind. She cried out, “Why did you abandon me Lord? Why did you let me do this to myself? Why haven’t you helped me?” She felt so alone as she watched the church slowly disappear.
The sun was bright, brighter than she could remember and she had to shade her eyes just to make out where she was. It has her home and she was back in her chair. She began to get up when the realization hit her that she was not alone. Fear crept through her and the hairs on her neck began to standup when a sudden calmness overwhelmed her. “Do not be afraid child, for the Lord has heard your prayers”. She turned to see a man, or what she thought was a man standing next to her. “The Lord has heard my prayers?” she said with sarcasm. “I have cried and prayed for years. I have lost my husband, my children and I have nothing. Where has Jesus been?”
The man slowly lowered his head and sighed, “Oh my little one, He was always there. He cried when you first put the needle in your arm so many years ago. He cried when you lost your family and He has cried every time you cried. It has always been your choice”.
“Yes I know I have made poor decisions. I know that it was my fault but why didn’t He help me when I asked?” she stated with a slight edge of frustration in her voice.
“He did. Remember when your husband tried to help, your children, your neighbor, your Pastor? They were all an answer to your prayers but you were not ready”.
“It was the pain, “she cried, “the pain is too much for me to bear!”
“The pain? What of His pain my child? He loved you with every drop of His blood, every lash across His body, and every nail that pierced Him. He suffered so that you could live and overcome the one who has ensnared you. It has been your choice and yours alone to make. Yes, you shall have pain but He will be there to comfort you and to ease your suffering. He has always loved you and that will never change.”
At that moment she woke up. There was no one there. A dream? It was all a dream. She knew she had been crying as her cheeks were still moist. She raised herself up from the chair feeling like every other day, regretting the setting of the sun that would come too soon. She knew that the cycle would begin all over again. Nothing would change. Jesus would not help her as she had failed Him so many times. She considered just ending it all tonight. All she needed to do was to add a little more to the needle and all of this would just go away. No more regrets, no more pain. She knew that could not do it though she pined for the release from her tortured existence.
She glanced out her window and could not believe her eyes. Was she dreaming again or was that her daughters, both grown to adulthood walking towards her door with the Pastor of the church she attended so long ago. She sank to her knees with tears now streaming freely down her face, put her hands together, bowed her head and whispered, “Thank you Lord.”
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