“...for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content...“ ~ Philippians 4:11b
Sometime back in 2001 after a failed engagement I found myself affected by that disappointment and began looking long and hard at myself and the relationships I have had with women.
I was not too happy with what I saw. I found that I could not go a full year without being in a romantic situation with a woman. It appeared so desperate and needy, as if my identity depended on such a thing. I saw I was not happy until I was with someone.
As a Christian I was taught to believe a good God reigns. Because of that all situations are good, even if not desirable. My actions with women flew in the face of that because I believed that things were not good for me unless I had someone in my life. The Bible teaches to not be like the general population of the world (Romans 12:1-2). Their commercials, TV shows and movies often depict that unless we are with someone we are no one. Christians are to believe that we are complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10). We have everything if we have the One who died and now lives again for us. That alone, He alone should be our Satisfaction.
When I realized my desperate way of living I had prayed and then decided to purposely not pursue anything that led to any kind of romance pursuit for a whole year.
I did well with that. In fact, that year turned into five years. During that time I learned to be content on my own. I will never regret that season and desire to return to it again. I also found myself doing things I would not have done if I had been with someone. I did a lot of ministry, especially involving worship and Christian music. I was part of a band that led worship in prisons or in churches. It was a good season.
I read a Bible that says to remain as one is when they become Christians (1 Corinthians 7:24). It seems to be of the fallen nature to take one's own matters in their own hands to do as they wish. For the believer, the Child of God, their life must be left fully in the Father's hands to do as He wishes. If we are sober-minded we will see that when we went our own way it did not work; it even was a catastrophe. I learned that being a Christian is about trusting in Christ to the point where He has control and say over my life. Making life-changing decisions without His involvement is not a part of that. If I was to meet someone that becomes significant to me it should only happen because I pursued Christ and not because I pursued the person.
I am now in a place where I need to look at that again. For a time I had forgotten about it until I began to write this. I found I had to recall everything I describe here and it was not something that came back to me quickly. Some time back the things I write here were once a sweet conviction.
I only wish to share this as my own personal conviction. While it may show something life-changing for one who reads this I only mean to share this to anyone interested enough to read.
In my life I have experienced dire depression, ebullient ecstasy, happiness, joy and grief. In times of depression I saw I would rise from that. From ecstasy I often found myself fall into days of dry emptiness, followed with utter disappointment. The same could be said for any state of mind I was in. All were an experience of dissatisfaction. The only time that was not the case was when I was content. Contentment is truly an enjoyable gift of the Lord.
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