Co-dependent relationships take on a life of their own and bring destruction to what once was a delightful experience. Here is how you can re-gain the joy and leave the hang-ups behind.
You will need to learn what it was that allowed another person to think that they should take care of you; or, that led them to believe that you could take care of them. This can be seen as you look to Christ.
LEARN WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST
The first step to forming solid boundaries is to find out who you really are in Christ. This can be found by searching out the Scriptures. Here are a few verses to get you started:
Romans 5: 1-11 you are reconciled to God.
Romans 6: 16-23 you have eternal life in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8: 1-2 guilt trips are over for those who are in Christ Jesus.
1 Corinthians 2:12 you have the Spirit of God within.
Galatians 3: 27-29 you are in covenant with God.
Ephesians 2: 4-6 you are seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.
STOP TRYING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE AND JUST BE YOUR SELF
People are going to love who you really are. Just know you can only accomplish His purposes when you accept yourself as you are, and learn to grow from there. It is okay to be yourself, for you are a tremendous trophy of His grace.
DISCOVER YOUR PASSIONS, TALENTS, GIFTS
Take some time to get to know your self. Try to be blind-sighted to what you think would most please others, and simply ask yourself these three questions:
What am I passionate about? Or what matters most to me?
This may well be your calling in life. So go ahead and take a good look at what it would take to accomplish it. Try to be realistic, and listen to others for advise, but be careful not to lean on just one person’s advice. Remember that there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors.
Ask the “Wonderful Counselor” to give you a correct opinion of yourself, and your abilities to pursue this passion.
Next, ask yourself what are my talents?
Perhaps your talent is cooking, or hospitality. Find that talent within yourself, and begin to grow it up by looking for opportunities to use it.
Even though it may take some effort, and from time to time others may edit it in you, still, don’t let the challenge defeat you, rather learn from it and gain experience. You may very well find that you are multi-talented.
Perhaps at first you would say, I haven’t got a clue what I’d be good at. Well, then it is time to try a few things. Now, this may take a little bravery, but oh, what a vastly different life will unfold before you.
· Think about the things that interest you most.
· Make a plan to go on an adventure.
For example perhaps you are interested in creating your own pottery, go visit a pottery house, feel the clay beneath your fingers, and experience the joy of creating something.
· Make it your challenge for the next year to find what you are talented at,
o If it is something you really want to do, go for it.
o You will fail at some things but that is okay, you can mark it off your list of things to try.
· Go on to the next thing, until you hit on something that seems to flow for you,
o Then, hone your skills and watch yourself develop into a world-class picture of God’s grace.
Finally, ask the Holy Spirit to show you what your Spiritual Gifts are.
Find what you’re gift is and get to work for the Lord. Again, this may take some time. Give yourself time to develop the true you. Once you have done that, come back to square one.
Come back to those friends that were once so dear to you, and get to know them. Also, let them know the new person you are. No longer a needy or manipulative soul, and no longer a people pleaser. No, indeed you have found your balance in Christ, and in His purposes for you.
The friendships that were once so good, can be good again, in-fact these friendships can be the most productive growing experiences of your life.
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY YOU MUST GET STRAIGHT ABOUT YOURSELF.
Once that is accomplished, than there will be no doubt about your stance, or your balance. Your confidence which is now in Christ, and in the person He has formed you to be, by the Spirit He has placed within you, will let others know that your boundaries show. And to God be the glory!