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When Compared to the Fathomless Joy Awaiting 15
by Carl Halling
06/20/12
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Book Six

Beachcombings from the Halling Valley Riverbank

First (Versified) Beachcombings

Some Sun Drunk Day He Said
 
Emotions war against sense
And his mind remains
A pot pourri,
And thoughts in his head
When he lies in his bed
Would make Dorian Gray
Appear pristine.
He wishes to moralize
On a corrupt example
Yet from the wicked cup
He hath supped a sample.
 
He appears to think in extremes;
He is beau-laid and realist
Whose inspiration stems from his dreams.
"Life is a beautiful strain for me,"
One sun-drunk day he said,
"But I pray I say what my soul needs to
Before the heavens decide me dead."
But his mind is a disorderly drawer
Full of confused categorizations;
He has that Scott Fitzgerald illness
For dates, times, rhymes and quotations.
"I have a clear flowing mind
But I cannot foretell
When the clogging black clouds will arrive,
For they will arrive.
Live with the love, then bear the pain
Recurrent like the monsoon rain."
 
He is afraid of happiness
For the inevitable despair that must follow it;
Afraid of happiness
For its cruel impermanence.
Like Zola, the seasons in life, for him
Are inevitable.
"All artists," he says, "are at once alike and unique
One day, it's clear,
The next, hazy, like a beery vision
The fulfilment that they seek."
Misty dreams of sweet-smelling roses
And swaying streams
Bring him chills and pains in his soul and being;
He lives his life through a melancholy tragedy
And has an ever-yearning mind.

Bouzingo: The Gathering of the Poets

The boy was aged about eighteen,
Pale and pensive,
Weary and frail in appearance.
He could have been
Goethe's Werther,
Senancour's Obermann
Or Chateaubriand's melancholy hero,
Embraced by a generation,
And about whom Sainte-Beuve said:
"Rene, c'est moi."
Tortured by a new mal du siecle,
He sought refuge
In the Club Bouzingo.
Two young poets,
One dark, the other fair,
Drifted past. The first,
Whose black hair
Hung in ringlets over his shoulders,
Wore a small pointed beard,
Black velvet tails,
A white linen shirt
Loosely fastened at the neck
By a thin pink taffeta tie;
The second wore a tight coat
That opened onto a silk crimson waistcoat
And a lace jabot, white trousers
With blue seams,
And a wide-brimmed black hat, and
In one of his hands
He carried a long thin pink-coloured pipe.
They were soon joined
By some of their dandified companions.
The music had stopped playing, and
The poet-leader in cape and gloves,
Dark and pomaded
With a Theophile Gautier moustache,
Took to the stage,
Where he proceeded to declaim
Selections from his subversive verses
To delirious cheers,
As if sedition was imminent;
Only the boy-poet remained silent,
His pale cheeks
Soaked by the freshest tears.
"Apres nous, le deluge,"
He said under his breath,
"Our leader preaches revolution
But provides no solution
As to the fate of coming generations,
Should the infant be cast out
With the bath water that is so filthy
In his sight
That, intent on doing right,
Gives no thought to the future,
Nor to what might supplant
The society he claims to despise."
The boy was aged about eighteen
Pale and pensive
Weary and frail in appearance.
He could have been
Goethe's Werther,
Senancour's Obermann
Or Chateaubriand's melancholy hero,
Embraced by a generation,
And about whom Sainte-Beuve said:
"Rene, c'est moi."
Tortured by a new mal du siecle,
He sought refuge
From the Club Bouzingo.

Gallant Festivities

It was my evening, that's
For sure -
"Its your aura"
For sure -
At last I'm good
At something.
"Spot the Equity card!"
"When are you going
To be a superstar?"
Said Sarah.
That seemed to be
The question
On everyone's lips.
At last, at last, at last
I'm good at something.

And so the party...Zoe
called me...I listened
To her problems;
References
To my "innocent face"
Linda said:
"Sally seems elusive
But is in fact,
Accessible;
You're the opposite -
You give to everyone
But are incapable
Of giving in particular.

Madeleine was comparing me
To June Miller;
Descriptions by Nin:
"She does not dare
To be herself..."
Everything I'd always
Wanted to be, I now am.
"...She lives
On the reflections
Of herself in the eyes
Of others...
There is no June
To grasp and know."

I kept getting up to dance
Sally said: "I'm afraid;
You're inscrutable;
You're not just
Blase,
Are you?"
I spoke
Of the spells of calm,
And the hysterical
Reactions,
Psychic Exhaustion,
Then anxious elation.

The Wanderer of Golders Green

I awake each morning
With fresh hope
And tranquility;
I might go for a saunter
Down quiet London backstreets...
Soon my aimlessness
Depresses me,
And I realise
I'd been deceiving myself
As to my ability
To relax as others do.

I decided on a Special B
Before the eve.
I bought a lager
At the Bar
And chatted to Gaye.
Then Ray
Bought me another.
I appreciated the fact
That he remembered
The time he,
His gal Chris,
And Rory Downed
An entire Bottle
Of Jack Daniels
In a Paris-bound train.
 
A tanned cat
Bought me a (large) half,
Then another half.
My fatal eyes
Are my downfall.
I drank yet another half...

My head was spinning
When it hit the pillow;
I awoke
With a terrible headache
Around one o'clock.
I prayed it would depart.

I slowly got dressed.
I was as chatty as ever
Before the exam...
French/English translation.
Periodically I put my face
In my hands or groaned
Or sighed -
My stomach
was burning me inside.
 
I finished my paper
In 1 hour and a half.
As I walked out
I caught various eyes
Amanda's, Jade's (quizzical) etc.
I went to bed;
Slept 'till five;
Read O'Neill until 7ish...
Got dressed,
And strolled down
To Golders Green,
In order to relive
A few memories.
I sang to myself -
A few memories
Flashed into my mind,
But not as many
as I'd have liked -
It wasn't the same.
It wasn't the same.
 
Singing songs brought
Voluptuous tears.
I snuck into McDonald's
Where I felt at home,
Anonymous, alone.
I bought a few things,
Toothpaste and pick,
Chocolate, yoghurts,
Sweets, cigarettes
And fruit juice.

Took a sentimental journey
Back to Powis Gardens,
Richness
And intensity,
Romantic
And attractive,
Sad, suspicious and strange.
I sat up until 3am,
Reading O'Neill,
Or writing (inept) poetry.
Awoke at 10,
But didn't leave
My room till 12,
Lost my way
To Swiss Cottage,
Lost my happiness.
Oh so conscious
Of my failure,
And after a fashion,
Enjoying this knowledge.

More (Lyrical) Beachcombings

Some Romantic Afternoon

Some Romantic Afternoon
I will hear that haunting tune
The one that I would softly croon
By a lagoon

We'd go sailing to Cadiz
For a while it seemed like bliss
Now it all seems just a myth
Like Brigadoon

Took a boat to southern Spain
Just to see her face again
She had gone forever
Not to return there
I could not control the tears
How they burned my eyes
As I looked back at those lost years

Some Romantic Afternoon
I will hear that haunting tune
The one that I would softly croon
By a lagoon.

Oh My My My (Call the FBI)

Couldn't believe my peepers
When I first saw you
Couldn't believe the beauty
Of your baby blues
I knew I had to ask you if you'd
Like to dance
I knew I had to take heart and to
Take that chance

First you resisted me you said
You couldn't leave
Your friends alone
But after our first dance you said
You thought they would be
OK to find their own way home

Oh my my my
Call the FBI
I think I lost my pride
I think I found my bride

Couldn't believe I'd ever
Find a girl like you
Couldn't believe we'd bond
As if by Superglue
I knew I had such tender feelings
In my heart
I knew that I could fix it so we'd
Never part

First you resisted me you said
You weren't ready
To fall in love
But after our first dance you said
You thought you'd give
This crazy swain another chance

Oh my my my
Call the FBI
I think I lost my pride
I think I found my bride.

For More than a Million Dreams

Keep on chipping
Right away at my heart
Because you touched it
Right from the start
If you were to leave me
And then
We were to part
It would really tear me apart

Don't stop now,
Darling you're getting to me
Don't quit now
That you're ahead
Don't stop now
You've made an impression on me
Now there's no getting you out of my head.

Keep on tearing
All my defences down
Because I feel that
They're all going to fall
Keep on keeping up with
All of your charms
Because I feel
I'm going to give you my all

Don't stop now,
You lit such a fire in me
Don't quit now
Because that would be cruel
Don't stop now
Darling, don't tire of me
I'd feel such a fool and so confused

You're the one
I have longed for you
For more than a million dreams
You're the one
I have been strong for you
You don't know how hard it's been

Don't stop now,
Darling you're getting to me
Don't quit now
That you're ahead
Don't stop now.

Melancholy Girl

Melancholy Girl
With your pre-Raphaelite curls
You don't seem quite of this world
Such a strange and a sad-eyed girl
 
What happened to your smile
How came you to be so full of guile
Your eyes seem to stare for miles
For such a sweet and a tender child
 
There's someone you've got to meet
The truth can set you free
Eternally
Enigmatic babe
The way you live is a shame
Life is more than a game
Freedom's found in just one name
 
I'd like to show you another way
Where the dark can't harm you
Night or day
 
Melancholy Girl,
With your pre-Raphaelite curls
You don't seem quite of this world
Such a strange and a sad-eyed girl.

My Travels

My travels start
Right here
Deep in my mind
My travels take me just where
I please I don't have
To leave my warm room

My travels start
Sixteen sun
Beating down
Sinatra's crooning Jobim
And I'm just dreaming of my
Great romance to come

I don't need a little ticket
Tells me I can take the train
I don't even to risk it
There's no blistering sun
Or driving rain
And it's here that I remain

My travels end
With a sweet
And peaceful time
I've found such sense deep within
No more will I feel
The need to go travelling again.

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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