The miracle of her birth changed my heart, my life as I knew it. She was beautiful. And she continued to become more beautiful by the day. By the time she was old enough for pre-kindergarten, she'd become what seemed to be my source for existence. I was in trouble... big trouble.
Typhanie was excited about finally being old enough to go to school. But I was nowhere near ready for her to be taught by anyone other than myself. The words of more experienced mothers rang through my head; "You have to just walk off and let her cry. The longer you stay, the harder it will be." Boy, was I ever in for a surprise.
I pulled my car into the parents' drop-off drive and parked. "You're going to be fine, Sweetheart. Your teacher is going to be really nice and you're going to make lots of friends."
"I know, Mommy. Are you leaving now?" Her big hazel eyes were so innocent. I wanted to hear "I don't want you to leave." But her face read instead "I'm ready to go in now and I want you gone."
"Are you sure you wouldn't like me to come in and see where you're going to sit and introduce you to your teacher?"
"I'm sure. Are you leaving now?" I tried so hard not to let her see the tears. I wanted her to need me!
"Okay. I know you are a big girl and you're going to be great. Can I have a hug?"
One quick hug and she shot out of the car and into the building. Of course, I sat there and watched until she was out of sight. And, of course, the tears flowed. My baby was going to school and she didn't even cry or say she would miss me. I know, it sounds awfully selfish of me. A lot of men wouldn't even begin to understand this. But we women need to be needed, especially by those we love.
I wonder how God must feel when we tackle our everyday tasks and don't stop to think that He is honored by us wanting Him included. It's more than just those big things like our first day on a new job or big decisions like getting married or having a child. How must He feel when we say to Him "Please, Lord, honor me with Your presence while I iron" or include Him in little things like balancing a checkbook or mowing the yard?
This is why we should do everything "as unto the Lord." I have found that washing dishes, doing laundry, even driving a neighbor to the grocery store become simple, joyful tasks when I include my Father. His opinion is important to me. His presence is a joy to me. His love, I have found, above and beyond that of my children, is my source of existence. He doesn't need me. He just loves me. I need Him. But He constantly makes me feel needed.
Typhanie just gave birth to her second child on June 13, 2004. I was there to watch her deliver the first one. It was such a delight. But she delivered the second one so quickly that we didn't even make it to the hospital fast enough behind the ambulance to see the baby be born. We walked in thirty seconds too late. She didn't need me. Oh, I'm sure she would have loved to have me there. But the truth is, she doesn't need me even for the big things. She only needs the Lord.
We all need the Lord. And it is His knowledge of that fact and His love for us that causes Him to be so merciful. His grace is truly sufficient for us in all things... even in giving our children's lives over to Him and trusting Him to take care of them when we aren't present. And for most of us, we are better off if we can learn to trust Him with them even when we ARE present. There are some things that we just can't do without Him... including letting go of our precious children. I was never sheltered like I sheltered my children. Perhaps that's the reason I so welcome His sheltering wing.
Psalm 61:4 I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. Selah
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Oh,Treava, Somehow you have read my heart of hearts. I homeschool so I won't have to let go so prematurely, but I think I am fooling only myself. Thank you for writing this and thank you for serving Him. Have you read Stepping Heavenward from 1961? She knew, as do you, that every little thing is His and His alone. Love, Kay