If youíve ever lost a friend, you will know about my pain. He and I had exactly 43 wonderful years of true, honest friendship; well maybe a little less since it all started the night in which I had a dream. He was standing in front of me, all dressed in his red overalls, the cutest 4 year old boy youíve ever seen; suddenly (in my dream) he was shot in the chest with a gun. That was it! I woke up crying uncontrollably, promising to God that I would love and take care of my brother from then on.
Life took a bad turn for him when he was 14 because he, being just a boy, got married behind the back of my parents and his journey of troubles, pain, and sometimes happy moments began.
We shared the very first house he and his wife had and they moved in with my family (my parents, brothers and I) many times. I got to even work by his side, joking along while visiting clients every day. It was him who planned with me the purchase of my very first car, and years later when I got a fiancť, he and I would spend much of our time at his house.
Our friendship grew unnoticeably and it became profound and real. I used to think I could trust him completely; I could always count on him. My husband and I even talk to him about taking care of our children in case of something happen to us. He agreed, of course, leaving us relieved and thankful for such a wonderful brother and friend.
We knew that his family life was less than perfect, but with the help of God, we thought he would improve it very soon. How wrong I was about that, and especially about our friendship. I have lost my friend forever and the pain is unbearable.
Donít get me wrong, he is not physically dead, but in a way he has died, because suddenly I canít recognize him anymore. The brother and friend I love is not there. In his place there is a man I no longer know. He has done so many horrible things to his family and friends that at the hearing of their story I keep shaking my head, repeating to myself in horror, ďit canít be true! It canít be true!Ē
He has just announced to me that heíll abandon his 4 children and his wife of almost 25 years of marriage, struggles and companionship. He just announced to me, without hesitation, that he doesnít care what God wants or says. He has the right to be happy. He just announced me that he is dating a woman whose marriage they planned to destroy in order to be together. Two families destroyed by them without mercy. He just told me that, well, maybe he is not a Christian after all!
Who is this man, I donít know him. What has he done to my sweet, reliable, hardworking, generous friend and brother? Who is this horrible man who despises his wife as if she were vile garbage, in search of his own interests; who couldnít care less about the pain of his children? I donít know him; I donít want to know him!
As the tears blur my long-treasured memories, I go to bed hoping, simply hoping that tomorrow I will wake up and discover that all of this is just a horrible nightmare.
And then I wake up in the middle of the night in panic. The man he had wronged to get his new lover is not only his very best friend, but also a terribly violent person. The sleep escapes from my eyes. I revolve in my bed fighting against the overwhelming feeling of fear and sadness. After what seems like hours, feeling completely exhausted I take refuge in my dreams again.
The moment I open my eyes I realize that the possibility that my dream as a child could became a reality is very big. What would you do if your best friend destroyed your family and stole your wife? Altogether while counseling you about your own divorce! This monstrosity he has done could lead him to the physical death of my nightmares. I am frozen in horror at the thought of such event. I have loved my brother, cheered him, and counseled him many times. We have laugh and cry together. We have shared vacations, picnics. We have read the Bible many times together as families. We have enjoyed the most amazing Christmas celebrations with him and his family. This canít be true. Please someone tell me it is not true.
It is hard to understand, hard to forget, hard to accept, but as I see the days passing I realized even more that my beloved friend has died. In his place there is an evil man, without mercy, love or loyalty toward his own family and friends and even worse, toward God.
I called him today in a last intent to help him understand that there is a better way, that there is hope in Jesus Christ. That he needs to repent and turn his life around. He didnít answer. I guess I have died for him too. A friendship I thought indestructible has vanished in a moment. No more consolation, no more family gatherings, no more blessed Christmas.
In preparing to go to bed, I look around and nothing has changed, except I feel terribly sad and fearful about the future. I have lost my friend, and suddenly nothing seems bright or happy anymore. I close my eyes trying to hold the sea that insists to flood my tired eyes. If my friend was here, I think, he would comfort me in my despair; he would tell me that God is in control, that I have nothing to fear, but I have lost my dearest friend. I have lost him forever.