Absolutely beautiful, Lynn. You are so well-rounded when it comes to your poetry and your challenge entries. This, in my humble opinion, was flawless. The words were in tune with the title and the rhythym of the poem flowed very smoothly. Not only was this well-written, but it touched my heart and soul. God bless you (and He will and is) laura
If you made the request for critiques because you've recently had writer's block, I'd love to see what you come up with when you're in top form. This is absolutely beautiful. It has good rhythm and has a wonderful message throughout. In my opinion, there is no writer's block involved here. Wonderful job!
I could sense the peace you felt as you penned this poem.
Thank-you for taking the time to sit and listen, and for the poetic reminder that Jesus is always listening. I'm sure He enjoys reminding us that He really is in control!
This is lovely. How true that whatever way we try to control things, Jesus protects us from ourselves.
As I was reading, my mind kept accidentally putting in an extra word. Though I'm not an expert on poems perhaps it would flow more if you added one word -- Jesus is in total control. Just my opinion, your way is lovely too but thought I'd mention it. You did a nice job with this.
Wow. I really enjoyed this. But you asked for a critique not a bunch of flowers. So, here are somethings to think about.
The first line didn't work for me; the three 'a' and two commas made it jerky and stopped the flow before it started. Perhaps 'A calm peaceful serenity...' Of course the words are rather redundant, calm being peace etc.; but the flow, to me, seems better.
Although you change your rhyming pattern, the off rhyme of the last two lines in the second last verse jarred; again for me. Rolls and control. Roll and control works, but rolls doesn't. But 'thunders roll' simply moves the 's' and sounds way better.
The entire message is awesome with some profound comments; such as new feelings replacing old ones and letting go without being told. These are worded so well and as I read this poem I feel the peace.
Oh how the sweetness of the Lord's Truth rolls off the tongue to bring comfort to those with eyes that see and ears that hear when we step aside to give Him full reign in our hearts. It is obvious you have done just that, Lynn! Thank you for sharing His beauty with us in the writing of this poem. I agree with Susan, the cadence of the words flow effortlessly bringing peace like a gently moving river.