Yesterday word came that my dear younger daughter was in ICU in a city 400 miles away. Sepsis all over her body, blood pressure dropping, from an infected kidney stone that no one knew was there. Sedated and watched over every minute. And I came apart at the seams. I said, dear Lord, why not me? I’ve lived long and well? And buckets of tears and tremblings—hour upon hour. And then as I prayed so vehemently, almost suddenly there came a calm long enough for me to look at my oh! so human behavior, but not at all like a child of God!
I wiped the last tear, there was a gentle quiet calm that settled, and I remembered in every detail the boisterous waves swallowing up the little ship where Jesus lay sleeping on a pillow in the bow. The disciples frantically shouting, “Master, Master, don’t you care that we perish?” and His gentle rebuke, “Oh, you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And the sea calmed, and all of us who read that identify and hopefully learn from that poignant episode.
Doubting and fear are dangerous territories. They destroy common sense and show an alarming lack of faith. The blessed Lord gives, and He takes away. And His followers stay close to Him knowing full well that whether we live or die, whether our loved ones live or die, we are in His loving Hands, and He will take care of us on His own time and in His own way.
A great calmness enveloped me as I realized I had just re-enacted to a T the complete story of the little storm-tossed vessel and the disciples scared out of their minds (and their faith). I wiped away the tears, sat down in a chair, begged forgiveness for my “little” faith, asked for strength never to doubt, no matter the circumstances. But I know full well that when the waves threaten to overwhelm down the line, I’ll weep and tremble and beg the Master of the sea to intervene just as the disciples of old did. But maybe little by little my faith will increase enough to let the Master take His rest without my panic.
I don’t know whether my dear daughter will live or die, but this I know, I’ll keep praying for her to live, but I’ll also know that whatever happens, it will be the best for her because she is a faithful child of the King.
Sister, I am praying for you and your daughter. I can only imagine how you feel. I thank you for you love and faith to show others how to do trust and obey. Your faithfulness is a powerful testimony. Love, Christian