There are times when grief can be so devastating in oneís life and sometimes it can hang on for what seems forever. Especially when it happens in your own backyard and you are responsible for a childís care and protection. This guilt can eat at your soul and well being until you feel numb on the inside. Because we are a child of GOD we are still subject to so many earthly feelings and happenings. I was such a young new mother , after three years of marriage and a eight moth old baby girl of my own plus taking care of two more babies was quite a task. During my care this beautiful little girl of four disappears and I canít find her anywhere , of course I panicked and immediately call my husband and her mom and involve the police and a neighborhood search. After hours of searching her little body is found under some old boards. They must have fallen on her and suffocated her and it was ruled an accident, but in my life, for a few years it would remain as guilt and an inward pain. For so long I could not talk about this; and even now the pain is still there. When I feel down so low, GOD has to remind me so many times,ď YOUíRE STILL MINEĒ. This is what He keeps telling me and then I pick myself up and go on. GOD is finally helping me to understand that accidents happen and this was one that I had to experience. I still wonder why He chose such a beautiful blond , blue-eyed, little angel for his collection so soon. Iím sure He had a special place in heaven for her. If I spent all those years of trying to deal with this guilt, then it canít compare with the grief and pain this mother went through, and still must go through. Someday my heavenly father will let me know the reasons why I went through all this. They say storms and trials are for our benefit, to strengthen our faith. As I came to bear two more children I can understand how devastating a motherís grief must be after losing a loved one, only now on this same level as mother can I comprehend the enormity of it all. Some times these horrible events can either separate family members or draw them closer and this is one good thatís come out of this, itís brought my sister closer to me, thank you GOD for your strength and love to hold on to.