The other morning I had one of the heaviest burdens; I have had in my life. The kind where you canít sleep, you canít eat. You donít want to be around people at all. I sobbed and sobbed until my eyes were swollen. I cried out to God for peace. Everything is in His hands and I knew that, all I could do was stand still and let Him be God. There was nothing I could do, but cry.
I went to my bed and covered my head and cried some more. Then, all of a sudden it came to me. I have got to go to the river. I could lie in that dark room and be defeated or I could go and look at the beauty God created for me. I shot up out of the bed. No shower, hair in a bun, tank top and shorts. I did not care, I just had to get there. I came out of my bedroom with the biggest blanket I could find and my husband was eating. He says, I grilled you a hamburger, donít you want one? I said, ďNo, I will just throw it up. Iím going to the river, you can go or you can stay. Iím going! He looked at me like I was losing it.
In our 20 years of marriage, I have never had to go to the river, so he could not understand. When I was young, not even living for the Lord at the time, I still knew God was there for me. I would go to the river alone to get away and pour my heart out to God. All alone! Jessie did not know this but, he gulped his food down and followed me out the door. Which, I am so thankful for, because I am not alone anymore. God gave me my Jessie! I wanted him to experience this with me and he did.
As I got the river, the wind was blowing a lot. We found a place close to the river and put out my blanket. Jessie had never done this with me, so it was kind of funny. He says, you know you are going to have bugs on that blanket. (I hate bugs) I said, ďI donít care.Ē He said, "Your blanket is going to blow away.Ē I said, ďNot if I sit on it.Ē He says, you are sitting on a hill. I said, ďI will be still.Ē So, Iím getting all comfy on the blanket and he is sitting at the picnic table just looking at me. As I gazed over the water, there is was what I remembered from 20 yrs ago. Godís beauty that I needed to soak up and brighten my soul, instead of a dark bedroom under the covers. I told Jessie to come sit with me and I explained to him what I was feeling.
As I sat there at looked at the water, it shimmered with pure beauty. The sun was beating down on the water, (like God shines down on us) also (water, represents the Holy Spirit). The sparkle off the water was breathtaking. I was in church one night admiring a pretty bracelet Jessie had gotten me under the church lights. I heard my spirit saying. When you are obedient to me, you sparkle like that for me. I for one love anything that shimmers or sparkles. It unexplainable! That day at the river the shimmering, sparkling waters reminded me of that.
Then I realized another comparison. When the water was capsizing because of the wind, the shimmer was greater. So if God is shining down on us, and we are the water, represented by the Holy Spirit, then when ripples of waves come our way we should sparkle brighter. Wow. Then, a boat came racing by and made the waves worse and they were higher and more powerful. That showed me that there will always be people in our lives who always make waves. God is still shining down on us and we have to sparkle in those ripples so that others can see us shine for God.
Jessie did not know he was going to get a sermon while we were there. I looked at him and said, ĎNow you need to cuddle with me, because 20 yrs ago I didnít have anyone to cuddle with and I was alone, but now the good Lord has given me you.Ē He said, ďHoney if we cuddle too much we will slide down the hill.Ē We laughed and just enjoyed the beauty and then the next day at work, the most amazing thing. I was reading my daily devotion from Jesus Calling, April 14th and it said:
You can always find many hints of heaven along your pathway, because the earth is radiantly alive with My Presence. SHIMMERING SUNSHINE AWWAKENS YOUR HEART, GENTLY REMINDING YOU OF MY BRILLIANT LIGHT. BIRDS AND FLOWERS, TREES AND SKIES EVOKE PRAISES TO MY HOLY NAME. (All, at the river where I soaked up His beauty, and reminded myself He gave this beauty to us.) Keep your eyes and ears fully open as you journey with me.
Thatís amazing. God clearly spoke to me. I love it when He does that. My honey Jessie, always tells me to get out of the house and I will feel better. Itís true. I canít enjoy the beauty that God has provided for me under the dark covers and I definitely canít sparkle there. I am learning that no matter what I go through. The focus has to be on God, not the situation, and then God will do His thing and work it all out. Thank You Jesus!