The next minute was fascinating and I was filled with so much zeal. I felt an upsurge of gladness from within and I stirred an earned compulsion to do the things I had longed to do. I was tempted to call the dealership to place an order for a new car to mark my next birthday. I also felt a pressing need to go over to the property; to take another glance and make a final claim of the title deed after paying the necessary fees. But in my little faith, I turned my back to all these things and embraced the glaring fact that all my bank accounts were empty. Worse still, the money I had at hand could barely last me for the next three decent meals.
It was all dark and gloomy. I walked away from the church premises into the darker terrain that steered the major road that fed into the church environ. Nothing was working and I wondered again and again, why I was living inevitably. I had tried so hard to be prudent; I had been faithful to giving and I was cocksure that I had a heart of gold but yet, I was unable to break free from the vicious cycle of seeing my finances go down time and time again.
On such occasions, I resolved to embrace the seeming truth that I may not be God’s favorite. Of course, I had struggled with a few bad habits over the years and I had watched my weaknesses get the best part of me. But it often beats my imagination that there were times I felt no different from the fornicators and adulterers who have no clue what price had been paid for their redemption and salvation. It wasn’t much of a surprise that I have had my own little sin that easily ensnared me to deal with. But from the depth of my soul, I had sought and asked where God can be found.
I had looked in the strangest places; I had searched in the most awkward ways and I had waited in what seems like futile vain. And through it all I knew, ‘I had come a long way than to give up.’
Finding love may be difficult as finding companionship always appear impossible. There may be too many dreams with none of it coming true.
One may even scatter bread upon the waters and sow seeds into many good ends with the hope of making the immediate environment better than it is. But without a good flow of material and spiritual wealth into our conceived thoughts and notions, the harvest seems to fail and the labour of diligence, dedication and determination will always appear to have gone down the drain. In the end, a sense of shame for whom and what we are creeps in.
Unanswered questions are simultaneously posed to our inquisitive minds. Questions like; is wealth a god to be worshiped? Does she require sacrifices from us before she can come knocking at our doors? What makes her a guest at the table of the night? And what ushers her in at the dawning of the morning? Where is her place of habitation and in what abode does she dwell? What principles guide her ways? What philosophies uphold her belief? What idiosyncrasies make her unique?
I hated the feeling I got and I was not happy when there was someone out there who needed a helping hand from me and he couldn’t be reached simply because I did not have the means. ‘Even pagans understand the logic of wealth making and they have a keen knowledge in the creation of wealth’, I often said to myself blindly.
If truly all glory and the good things which are perfect come from God. I have committed my substance to His work even when it wasn’t convenient. Why won’t He bless me and give me the things that I need and want. Why will He refuse to open the doors I so much longed for to see open? Why is everything and everyone turning away from me? I asked endlessly in my little understanding.
I had suffered a huge delay and a great setback all in the name of waiting. I had nothing to show for the past few years and I felt totally disappointed in myself. I hated who I was; I could only hope to wake up a different man and to see the world as better place when I lie to sleep each passing night.
Then all of a sudden I saw a great light brighter than noonday sun. It dawned on me as I searched and scanned through God’s holy book. The words were lucid and a profound meaning rested peacefully on the turbulent waters of my soul. And it read like this, ‘He hath made everything beautiful in his time...’