Her skin is clear. Her make-up is flawless. Her hair is straightened to perfection and styled according to the latest trends and fashions. Her clothes fit her well, though they are nothing special, they suit her, and she appears confident in her straight-leg jeans and hoodie. She is ready to go. She heads out the door silently and cautiously. She smiles and waves at the friends she passes. But they are not her friends truly. If they are true friends they would know of the conflict within her. She is barely hanging on. She can get out of bed every morning, but it is a struggle. Her task is to survive the day, and then escape to her room in search of the quiet darkness she now desires. She has been deceived. Her world is shattered. The pieces are lying everywhere, and she does not know how to put them back together again. She cannot admit how depressed she really is, not even to herself. She only cries when she cannot hold back the tears any longer. She is waiting for something. She doesnít know what, but she longs for it. She wants to be loved again. Sometimes it feels like life isnít worth living, but the girl in the mirror looks just fine. You couldnít tell she wants to end her own life. She smiles as though her heart isnít broken in a million pieces. She talks as though she has hope for the future. She acts as though she believes everything will be okay. But when she is alone in the dark the voice that haunts her finds her again.You arenít worth anything. No one loves you, no one cares.
At any moment she feels like her imbalanced world might topple over. Perhaps this is a prayer. Perhaps it is only a wish. Either way, she hopes for a miracle. She wants happiness. She wants a life that matters. She is crying out for something. She wants to be made new. She has so many regrets, and so little redemption. What is on her heart is love. It is true: she has more questions than answers. She's wrong more than she's right. She often wants to die more than she wants to live, but He still loved her. He was willing to die for her, and paid the ultimate price. She is not perfect, and is still overwhelmed with the world and what it offers. But she knows that she has found salvation, and she will never be afraid to leave this world. For she is assured that her soul will forever dwell in paradise.
-this is my confession of faith.
Read more articles by Anna DeLuna or search for articles on the same topic or others.
This one held my interest and is well written, but you stopped to soon. Where is the testimony. Which is what you posted this under, and would give this a great completion. Just in case this is a personal testimony and you feel this way for real; please click on my name and read "Suicide Is Not The Answer" God Bless!