Not For Sale
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Will life ever get any better? I wonder about that at times. I believe it can because I know the Lord always wants to take us on into something better. But it don't seem like I can go on to someplace else without my husband. I know that may sound funny to some of you, but everyone has a different situation. I married when I was 18 yrs old and stayed married till he passed away and it was 40 yrs later. I don't know life without him. It's all new and strange to live without him and do things without him and make decisions about whatever without him. But I have to do it and I do. But it's so scary sometimes.
The Lord takes care of me and I trust him, but I still feel so alone. It's not easy being on your own for the first time in your life at 60 yrs old. I have three sons, but they have their life and can't always help me when I ask them to. One still lives with me and he is very good about doing whatever needs to be done around the house, but it's not like it was when my husband was here. I'm thankful for the help I have, but I don't want to live this life without him, but I have to. That is so hurtful. If I had known I was going to be left alone like this I would have pursued a career when I was young. I raised my boys and that was my life till they were grown. I did other things after that, but it wasn't a career. I think I would do so much better if I had a steady job to go to everyday. It would keep my mind and my emotions more intact about him. But you know, when you get to be my age and never had a career when you were young, you don't feel like working everyday. Even if its only being a greeter at some store. Your feet hurt and sometimes your legs and there are days you just don't feel good and need to have a nap. That's what it's like when you get older. These are NOT the golden years. They are the breaking down years.
Oh well...that was just something that was on my mind. I've got to get in bed so I can get up and go to church tomorrow. Church! What a joke it has become. But I go anyway. Don't know what else to do on Sunday morning. I could do lots of things, but its no fun without him with me. I wish I had never married or had children sometimes. Then again, I wish I could turn back the clock and go back to the good times I had with him and live them all over again. Ever hear Waylon Jennings sing that song? Turn Back The Years? Go on UTube and find it and listen. That song is how I feel somedays.
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