When I rededicated my life to God and finally came to realize I needed to change, I made up my mind to stop drinking, once and for all. This I had done on several occasions before my choice for a relationship with Jesus; when I was pregnant, after violent arguments during previous relationships, and after I tried to kill myself. I even promised my self after walking out of what could have been a fatal car accident that I would be more "responsible" about drinking.
During these times I decided to quit drinking again, the temptation was still there and I thought I could handle it but I failed. I would always excuse my actions, and try to make drinking seem harmless by insisting I wasn't hurting anyone. I was at home. The children tucked away in bed. Who were you to tell me I couldn't "unwind" and have a few drinks?
Honestly, I knew I was afraid. I was terrified of how I would get through my day without having something constant, and I knew the feeling I obtained from alcohol was a vice I could rely upon. Any upset to my day would set me to hunting for a bottle that night. We all have been through situations that could be reason enough to justify murder if we wanted, so why not a drink?. Excuses are natural for addicts. Thatís how addiction survives.
When I would open a beer or pour a drink, I made the choice to do so. No one forced me to. I refuse to give Satan credit for something I created on my own. I wanted to drink. In the confusion of my loneliness and emptiness, from every day trouble, I placed the alcohol in charge.
Have you ever thought about who or what was in control of your life? It had never occurred to me that I was the one who controlled what was in control. Sound confusing? It really isn't.
Each choice I made was my own, whether it was a bad or good choice. They were mine. No one forced any of my actions.
Alcohol was in control by my own decisions. It was my works that created this addiction. When I mastered that thought I became aware there was only one person who could truly and completely make me whole again. I had to give it all to Jesus, and leave it on the altar.
This was not an easy thing for me to do. I was new in my relationship with Jesus. I didn't fully understand what I was doing every time I refused to trust the Lord and His promises to renew my life.
During one of the last times I drank I had a revelation. I was shown that I was driving the nails into Jesus' hands all over again and putting Him back on the cross after He had already won this battle for me. I did not realize what a true miracle that had happened that night. I remembered taking nails and a hammer, wanting to feel the pain Jesus felt that day on Calvary, as I began to drive them into my hands and feet. I was truly blessed to have someone with me to stop the madness.
After I became aware of my ability to change my life, I knew I had to place alcohol on the altar and put Jesus on the Throne. I claimed my rightful Victory through the Blood shed by Jesus Christ. There were times when I stumbled, and I am thankful I had so many friends and family there to pick me up. But I will not forget the one Man who redeemed my life from Hell, Jesus Christ, the Son of God.
This road is finally a success; I do not have to claim the report that I am an alcoholic any longer. I do not tell people how long I have been sober. That puts me back into a failing relationship with drinking.
During this time of true recovery, as I was drawing closer to the Father, I learned to submit to the Word of God. I finally asked Him to be in control instead of the addictions and troubles I had created. I was in church, I prayed, and I asked God to take charge and open the prison doors.
We have the power to make the choice to be free from all addictions. I pray that you might see the hope in your life and come to understand excuses make for addiction. Make the decision to recognize who or what is in control of your life and come to the Father. He will not turn us away. Put feet to your faith; walk in the Words of His Mercy and Love.
"To you I call, O Lord my Rock; do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if You remain silent, I will be like those who have gone down to the pit. Hear my cry for mercy as I call to You for help, as I lift up my hands toward Your most Holy Place." Psalm 28:1-2
Jesus set the example before me. I am not perfect. I am just forgiven.