I sat in my favorite chair outside in the garage with the door open. My head was pounding. I felt like someone was tap dancing on my brain. "What in the world is wrong with me?" I thought. Suddenly my head was jerking violently and i had no control over it's movement. I went to my aunt's room and I could do was grunt at her. She quickly called an ambulance but by the time the emergency team arrived the seizures had stopped coming. I told them I was fine and didn't want to go to the hospital but they convinced me otherwise. The kind of seizures I described should be checked out.
A week later I woke up in the neuro intensive care unit and was told by a darling young male nurse I had had brain surgery. I found out later I had spent a week in ICU having brain seizures and the doctors could not do surgery to remove a brainn tumor until they ceased. I almost died, I was told.
Then came more bad news. I had stage 4 colon cancer. I immediately thought of death. Stage 4 of any kind of cancer usually meant a person would die. I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling and started talking to God. "I'm not ready to go yet, I'm only 58 years old and just getting to know my grandaughters and Lord you know I'm not spiritually ready for you to take me". I had been working on my relationship with God the past few years and asking for him to make me the kind of person he wanted me to be. Anger from childhood issues and broken relationships had left me angry and resentful.
The doctors who relayed this ominous news to me were doubtful about my life. The surgeon who had removed my brain tumor told me I would probably never be able to speak plainly again and my right arm and leg would never work properly. As he told me this I remember thinking it would matter very little as I would not live long enough to care.
Then a man came into my room with an aura of light around him. Now, I have never believed in auras but I'm here to tell you he had a natural glow around him. He is a foreign man and I have never thought to ask his descent. His voice was soft, gentle and soothing and when he put his hand on my shoulder as he said hello I felt an inner peace. This man is a healer I thought. My first miracle.
I remember his words verbatim. "We can fix this", he said, and from that moment on I knew I was going to live. He came everyday, smiling and encouraging. I was released from the hospital a week later with an appointment to see him in 6 weeks after the brain surgery had healed.
A few weeks later I went to the wonderful cancer clinic where this healing doctor held his practice. It is a most beautiful, serene place where the people who work there as well as the patients are the nicest people in the world. I sensed right away miracles were taking place as I sat waiting to see my doctor.
The healing doctor walked in, all smiles, took my hand and looked straight into my eyes when he talked. He told me about the surgery I would have in two months and said he was sending me to a surgeon. Did I mention I didn't have insurance? Not a smidgeon. This surgeon was a specialist who would do it for free. My particular surgery would be so complicated that some surgeons did it for research purposes. Lucky me, I thought.
So I went home that day with a feeling a hope. I still had moments when i doubted I was going to live. The cancer had spread to my uterus by now and was also in my lymph nodes.I told myself this wonderful doctor was just too kind to tell me I might die. Still, he gave me hope.
Two months later I still hadn't had the needed surgery because I didn't have insurance. While my surgeon would do the necessary operation for free, I still owed the hospital a sizeable amount of money and they didn't want to let me come back until I paid it. I didn't have that kind of money and still had no insurance. I had applied for disability but my caseworker wasn't hopeful it would be forthcoming anytime soon, and by this time the cancer was becoming more and more painful. Then a friend in Florida told me he had talked with someone who had the clout to get my disability approved, due only to the fact I would certainly die without the extensive surgery I needed. The very next day my case was approved. I now had the insurance I needed to pay he hospital the money I owed and cover future hospitalizations. A person I had never met before had saved my life. A second miracle.
I made it through the second surgery. My specialist surgeon did a complete colostomy, a hysterectomy, and a gall bladder removal all in just a few hours. It was touch and go but I lived. A month in the hospital hooked up to every contraption known to the medical field left me no choice but to pray and ask God for his will for me. I was no longer in control, my life was in his hands literally. I was ready to accept my fate, one way or another. In that long lonely month I had God on speed dial, praying almost continuously, ever reminding Him that I really would rather live than die if it was okay with him. Slowly I began to regain my strength and finally got to go home 4 weeks later. A third miracle.
A week after my second release from the hospital I was back at the wonderful cancer clinic. My doctor the healer explained I would have 10 months of aggressive chemo therapy and possibly radiation. I asked him if we did all this did he think I might have a couple more years to live and I remember his very words. "Honey, I'm not talking about buying you some time, I'm talking about a cure."
Three years later I am still alive and at this moment cancer free. I had one year of intensive chemotherapy that made me nauseated and weak down to my toes but I am walking, talking and still in this world I have come to love. I have a relationship with God now I never thought possible. He speaks to me daily, ever reminding me that forgiveness is the best medicine of all. He guides me in my daily living and he above all else, loves me.
Sometimes God has to literally bring us to our knees in order to get our attention and listen to what he is telling us he wants for us. He certainly did for me. Who ever thought almost dying was the path to living? I live now for God's word, and when I get down or frusterated with life now He stops me and reminds me life is precious and much too short to be lived in anger or consumed by resentment. God has given me the power to live and love again. I am thankful for everyday both good and bad I have had in this life. For God knew all along the person I really was inside. God works in mysterious ways, no doubt about it.
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