For the record, itís never a good idea to tell your mother-in-law that you have a speck in your eye; there are certain suspicions that the woman just does not need to have confirmed.
Besides, she will probably tell you that itís caused from an inoperable brain tumor, and that you are likely to be blind or dead before dinnertime. I didnít really believe this, but with my luck, she would be right - I would die, and she would never let me live it down.
I donít particularly like going to the optometrist. First of all, Iíve never really understood why the person you go to for vision problems insists that he must put drops in your eyes that will blind you. What is that about? You might walk in, like I did, with one small blurry spot, but by the time heís done with you, youíre legally blind.
And even if your condition doesnít require the use of eye numbing drops, the doctor is still going to crawl around in your eyeball for a bit, looking for the littlest fault. I donít need to pay someone to tell me what my faults are. I have children that would gladly do this for free.
Of course, two minutes after sitting in the chair, Dr. Holly announced the need to blind me. He tried three times to get those drops in my eyes, and three times I shook them out like a wet dog trying to dry himself, and I was not exactly feeling the love from Dr. Holly, but then, I wasnít sending any out either.
I didnít know that they teach calf roping in optometry school, and though I didnít actually see the lasso, I do know that in under twelve seconds he had me immobilized, had sprayed drops into my eyes like some crazed cowboy eye doctor, and was standing on the other side of the room with both hands in the air.
And three minutes later my eyesight failed. Dr. Holly climbed up on the arm of the exam chair and perched there over my eyeball like a vulture scrutinizing a dark spot on the road. ďYep, thatís what I thought,Ē he said, settling back onto his stool, ďthe problem is that youíre aging.Ē
Now, at the risk of ruining my Christian witness, I have to admit that the urge to slap this man was overwhelming. Of course, that wouldnít have been the right thing to do. I would feel awful for it later. I could even go to jail for assault. Besides, I was blind and I couldnít see his head.
Which made picking out frames a lesson in futility. Why do they always wait until after they have blinded you to tell you to pick out a nice pair of frames? Iíll tell you why, so youíll take their word for it that only the most expensive frames in the store look good on you. By the time they were done with me, I shelled out more for a pair of bifocals than I paid for any one of my children.
Iíll be honest, even for all the effort and expense, I fought wearing my new glasses for many months. I took them out for the occasional test drive, but for the most part, I just learned to type with my eyes closed and left them in their case on my desk.
Then came a day when one of my children wanted me to read and explain a bible passage that they were studying in Sunday School. I reached for my glasses and slipped them on without thinking.
Spiritual vision is not much different: we donít recognize the extent of our blindness until we examine ourselves. The examination is uncomfortable, and the expense requires a change in lifestyle that seems unfamiliar, but the same is true of all things worth having.
The Lord has for you a set of spiritual glasses through which you can find the answers to your questions with a clarity of vision that youíve never known before. All you have to do is to ask Jesus into your heart, believe that he died on the cross for you, and confess your sins.
Besides, the next time your mother-in-law is convinced you have Yellow Fever or the Black Plague, and that youíll be dead by lunch, you can smile and tell her ďPerhaps, but Iím not worried anymore, for I see things clearly now, and Iíve found life, eternal.Ē
Very funny and extremely great writing! I absolutely loved it. Now the bad news - it can't win, because I think it has one small mistake in it, which I believe, with the new rules, disqualifies it. That is exactly what I was afraid of.
I think this may be an error [so they can guide youíll take their word that]
This piece was great from beginning to end. I literally laughed out loud many times!
Great job Dori! This article made me smile.
LOL...I'm an idiot! I forgot this piece is not in the weekly challenge. Man do I feel stooooopid now. Can I erase my last review and start over. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
I should have had some coffee before I got on the 'puter.
Well, I did ask for more "Dori Stuff", didn't I? This is absolutely fantastic -- but I don't think it being just written does it justice. There is some brilliant comic timing in here that deserves a verbal treatment. If you ever thought of doing "streaming audio" on your website (ask your web-guy about the feasability of that), this one would be outstanding for that. Encore! Encore! (Applause!)