Tamara had been close to her mom. When she was told that her mom died, her heart felt as though it had shattered into a million different pieces. How would she live without mom? Her mom had advised her on numerous issues. If it hadn't been for her mom, she would have never studied what she had. She depended upon her for a lot. She'd never make it on her own.
Being sad, Tamara pulled her hair back on both sides with berets, and walked out her back door, heading to the park down the street. Strolling down the path early in the morning when she could walk in the park alone, she crossed her arms, and in tears, said out loud, "God, please take away this love! It hurts so much! Please, take it away. I can't handle this feeling in my heart. It hurts so much!"
She knew the word of God was supposed to bring her peace. What was she doing wrong? How could she get free of this hurt? She had to find a way. Her heart couldn't handle it. "I want to die, God; I want to die!" She wasn’t suicidal; she wouldn't do anything to harm herself, but she did want to die.
"I will never leave you, or forsake you. I will always be with you. You don't have to worry about Me leaving, ever." Tamara heard the Holy Spirit say. She could feel God wanting to comfort her, and she was grateful He was there. She knew it wasn't His fault what she was going through from her understanding of the word. The fault lay with her understanding; it wasn't God's fault. She had to find the truth, which would set her free.
This went on for a week. One day she was on the Internet when she came across Kenneth Copeland's site, and there his convention had been posted, so she hit the on demand button, and watched, and heard the word preached. He was preaching on attacking fear, and how to get rid of it. She began listening to one meeting a day, and there were 17. After listening for two weeks, she noticed her depression and the pain in her heart from the loss had began to ease up. This was interesting, she thought!
The word is working! This is so cool, Tamara thought out loud! She continued to listen. She listened to it again … and again. By the third time around, God made known to her that what she was feeling, all the pain she was feeling in her heart was caused from "fear of loss". Fear of loss is the root cause of all depression. Fear of loss, and all fear comes from the root of the "fear of death". Tamara learned if she could get rid of the fear of loss, she would never have to have depression again.
Her persistence in putting the word in her heart was paying off. The depression and the feelings of loss of her mom dying, was leaving. Finally, seven months later, most of the pain and depression was gone. After a total of a year, she felt no depression at all. Left was an abundant supply of peace from her God. God had stayed with her through all of this as He had promised from the beginning. She had spent several hours listening to the word preached and read her Bible everyday, and the results after a year were, the word had completely chased off all fear, and depression.
Never again would fear and depression be able to torment her like it had. It was a nightmare she would never have to endure again. Feeling the way she had, had been a horrible nightmare. She embraced the Peace of God, and kept up her study of the word and listening to word filled preaching, so the fear and depression could never come back. Even her body became more healthy as her mind was no more tormented by worry, and depression.
She thanked her awesome God for the changes in her life. Now, she could live life, and no more saying, "I want to die, God." She was free for the first time in her life. Free! Free! Free from the bondage of depression and the pain of loss!