How to Find a Christian Man and Get Married in 2012
by Karen Lightbourne
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When I was single, I sometimes wished I had what Cinderella had--a fairy godmother--to help me find a mate. As I continued to look, however, I began to realize that what I really needed was what Abraham and his son Isaac had in the Bible . . . a fairy God's Servant.
In their case, Abraham had a servant whom he sent on a mission: "Go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac" (Genesis 24:4). This servant in turn went on a journey: "[He] made his way to the town of Nahor" (Genesis 24:10) and prayed about what he was looking for: "Oh Lord, grant me success today" (Genesis 24:12). Lo and behold, with God's help, he actually did find the girl: "Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came up with her jar on her shoulder" (Genesis 24:15). (Author's note: Just in case you're wondering about the jar, she was at a well, getting water for the camels. What can you say? This was back in the old days.) The servant then vetted the girl:"Whose daughter are you?" (Genesis 24:23) and then even got the girl to go back with him to marry Isaac: "So they called Rebekah and asked her, 'Will you go with this man?' 'I will go,' she said" (Genesis 24:57).
This fairy God's Servant had it going on!
Now, you may ask what Isaac was doing while all this was going on . . . meditating!
Genesis 24:63 says that "he [Isaac] went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels [here come those camels again] approaching. Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac." Author's note: How romantic!
In my own tale, my fairy God's Servant would be off doing his work while I would be sitting at Starbucks, coffee in hand, pondering the universe. Suddenly, I would look out the window when he, "The One," would approach in a Mustang convertible. He would be nicely dressed, clean shaven, and smelling great. He would also be everything I ever wanted and needed in a man (if my fairy God's Servant had done his work well). We would then drive off into the sunset with a ring in hand and a date in mind.
In the real world, fairy godmothers are in short supply, and fairy God's Servants are even rarer, so the following tips may help you as you move from fairy-tale fiction into real life.
Look Beyond . . . Your Church
Notice that I didn't say look beyond "The Church," as we do have a mandate from God to marry a fellow believer (1 Corinthians 7:39), but there are usually more believers in the world beyond the address of your church building. I know many single Christian women who sit in a church year after year and don't look beyond the four walls of their sanctuary for a man. These women may be missing out on opportunities.
In my case, I found (or was found by, if you like) my husband at a conference. A friend of mine encouraged me. . . "There will be single men there who believe the same as you do." I went to that conference open to the possibilities and walked away with a friend, who turned into a boyfriend, who turned into a husband. I had spent many years stayin' and prayin', and now I was lookin' and findin'. Trust God to direct your path; just make yourself get on a path!
Look Beyond . . . Your Faith
Notice that I didn't say look beyond "faith," since we need to be equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). But sometimes we need to look beyond the things that may have bruised our faith,such as having been single for such a long time or just not seeing any men around us who would be good mates. This also includes being hurt in past relationships. The Bible says, "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:10). Also, as saints, "We walk by faith and not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7). God wants us to pray and depend on Him to find him (your man). If we knew how everything was going to work out, would we need faith? Think about it.
Look Beyond . . . Your Self
Look beyond what you can do by yourself to help you find a mate. Start a prayer chain with others who are looking for mates. Seek guidance from long-married couples. Ask others if they will look for you!
A friend once told me that resources plus relationships lead to results. You are looking for a strong, loving partner who loves you. Asking for help takes a desire to get what you want (faster and quicker) and vulnerability (I can't, or don't, want to go it alone).
Remember, "Seek, and you shall find" (Matthew 7:7). Ask others to seek for you and you may find it more quickly.
Karen Lightbourne is a former radio journalist for American Urban Radio Networks in Washington DC. She currently lives in Indianapolis, Indiana and is the author of the upcoming book, Someday My Barack Will Come - Building Up Your "Yes I Can" Get Married Faith. She is very passionate about single Christian women moving to marriage. She is married and lives with her very own "Barack", Ricardo. Karen publishes her "Yes I Can" newsletter for single women of faith who want to move towards marriage. If you want to build your "Yes I Can" get married faith, then get your free tips now at http://www.somedaymybarackwillcome.org
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