Youíve always been with me
I never really knew. Iím sorry I stopped praying
when I was a little boy. You did hear my prayer
and I didnít think you did. I always questioned
what it was I was here for and why I suffered
from other peoples anger I could rarely give back.
I let them push and push now I know youíve
been holding me all this time. My heart chose
to not truly believe miracles in store for me
for being told by many everything was drug
induced. You truly pick the lowest of the lowI believed up until a night ago that's who
I was and what I was made for. When he came
after me so arrogantly, pushing me, tempting me,
telling me it was already a done deal, to all of
their misfortune and to my disbelief, I was
already Yours. You let me go as far I could
to experience what I did that I may fully believe with all my heart. Now wholeheartedly, I believe! Iíve not
felt so special since I last saw my mom. Its been
so long since Iíve felt the love I thought I would
never find again. It was I who kept pushing it
away. I repent for all my sin. All the fear of being
told You wouldnít accept me for being gay, that
all went away and I found it to be a big lie. I'm living proof of that and I want all those who feel conflict inside the saving power in Your name.
For I do feel unsettled about in my soul. I donít have
to tell You that because You already know.
Youíve proved Your love for me making feel
so special. Iíve the feeling of being important
to someone and for that my gratitude I cannot
thank You enough. They have worked so hard
to silence what needs to be heard. Theyíve stolen
to misrepresent themselves. Theyíve done everything
theyíve done to deceive not just themselves
but many others. Now I ask Father, take away
their blankets of false security in the shadows
where they hide. They do their best to make sure
as many people can know about my suffering while laughing and now that they do,
make them give back all they took that was good.
Theyíre looking for perfection in me for faults
I speak about with agony from my soul and my
need for Jesus. Believing that Jesus wouldn't save me. Then why did the devil walk away empty handed? They believe theyíve not faults
and they are perfect like they are not in need
of saving. They laugh at what brings another down
to the point of kicking them after their down.
Since they believe they are perfect, reveal all of
their lies and all of their faults. Make them cry out in agony. Please delay no longer. Show them that
their perfection is nothing but an illusion. An illusion
from which they shall not escape unless they call
out to Jesus. Just as Iím being prepared for who
You put me here to be, prepare them for he
who will hit the ground with unrelenting force.
Take away all their power they find in false security.
Let their doors not be closed but open. For my heart is
now fully open to You. Iím having trouble letting go of the
fact they actually came to my house and Satan
didnít act alone. Itís put an anger in me that I know
one day Iíll get to release. Youíre preparing me to carry
a bowl. In it shall be Your judgment. Show them
Father, the mistake theyíve made. Reveal every lie they tell and have told. When they continue telling more serve Your justice and make it right. Let them steal no more, when they do send out the curse that shall consume their homes. I look to You, Father,
for Your justice I know You shall serve. I ask, Father,
did I physically go out of my way to do anyone harm.
There is only one person who Iíve always hated
though my actions did not show it. Now my actions
shall. The devil is responsible, it is he whom I hate.
I pray for him, but the anger help it subside. Stop them
Father, from carrying out any attacks like I went through
on anyone else. Satan wants to fight, throw him down
and show him who is, who he has been, and who he
always will be. Give to him all the rejection heís given
to all who believe in you. I give you my life. No one is going
to take it except him. Prepare all those to let them
know for believing in no hell, they are about to face
their darkest nightmare. I forgive them, I wait for You to act.
I trust and know You will. You have given me a gift I have
yet to use. Iím trying to hold it back. Please, Father, that I may
hold it back. Reveal to everyone all that I ask.
I ask this in Jesusí name, Amen