Encouragement
"Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen. "Hebrews 11:1
"By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised." Hebrews 11: 11.
Sarah had to wait many years for God to keep his promise to her of a child. I am still waiting for God to keep a promise to me.
Did you ever have God make a specific promise to you. I have. Did your heart soar when he told you he was going to give you something you so desperately wanted, something you had waited for all your life. Did you know beyond a shadow of any doubt that this was God speaking to you, and you just knew that you knew that you knew that it was his voice. Was your faith lifted high and did you believe totally and utterly. Did you have wings and did you soar in ecstasy from words sweeter than honey knowing they were an answer to a desperate cry. And did you weep tears that couldn’t stop flowing from a heart so grateful that he loved you this much.
And did you naturally assume that this promise would happen soon. Did you prepare and get ready. Were you excited, did you anticipate and dream of how it would be.
But then days go by and nothing happens and then weeks and then months and you begin to doubt that you ever heard God make a promise to you.
Your hope dies and you fall into deep despair. And you wish you had never heard the promise.
I have.
And then when you are at your lowest God comes to you again and says, "Yes the promise is true. Don’t give up, keep trusting, keep believing, keep waiting."
Then your spirits soar again and you think you must have been mistaken about the time. It must be time now.
And you go through the same thing as before. You anticipate, you believe, you trust, you wait and nothing happens, again.
Before I go on I must explain that many years ago God made a promise to me.
He promised me a husband…a good one this time.
I have been married twice and both husbands were abusive to me.
That will be another story.
My desire is to have one good marriage while I am still here.
So this is the story of what I have went through. So let me continue.
And I fall to the pits of despair again and I don’t think I can come out.
But some inner strength rises within me…the Holy Spirit… and I say, " I refuse to stay here. I am going to crawl out." And very slowly step by step I make it out. Then, after I am out, I say to myself I will never go here again. The reason I say that is because I fear it so much. I am afraid one of these times I won’t make it back out.
But God assures me that I will always come out and not to be afraid of falling.
And I do fall again. The very next time God reminds me of his promise I believe, soar, anticipate, wait and nothing happens so I fall again. Each time I say I am not going there again but each time I do.
And over and over this cycle is repeated for years.
You would think I would learn. But each time God reminds me of his promise I can’t say, "No, this time I refuse to believe" and take the risk of loosing the promise.
I learn not to fear falling. I learn that each time I fall and come out I am stronger. I have learned something more.
And then I didn’t fall anymore. There is no need to.
Now God reminds me from time to time that the promise is still true and I say, "Okay, Father, I believe you." And then I go on. I realize that he tells me so I won’t forget. If he didn’t remind me I know I would forget.
And I can continue waiting and not be hurt anymore.
I have learned a lot about myself through all these disappointments and denials. It has been good for me. It has been a growing time, a learning time about me and who I am, accepting who I am.
I realized that God has a reason for waiting. I wouldn’t have been ready to go into a relationship when I was so desperate.
I had to learn that God is my source, He is the answer, He can be the answer to every need and that having a man in my life wouldn’t necessarily solve all my problems. Most of the problems were within me. Having a man in my life wouldn’t make my life euphoric, it wouldn’t be the answer to all my dreams as in, "they lived happily ever after". God is the answer to all my dreams. He has been. I have found everything I ever wanted in him. He is all I really need. He is all I have ever wanted. And if he has a reason for bringing a man into my life then I have to trust him. It has to be a good reason.
Then I am reminded about Sara and how long she had to wait for God to keep his promise to her of having a child.
I hoped I wouldn’t have to wait that long.
Then as the years go by I don’t think about it as much. I am able to function and go on and live a normal life.
I am 63 years old now. To me I am getting old. I have been alone for almost 20 years now and I am wonder why God is taking so long and if I really want a husband after all. Once I thought I couldn’t live if I didn’t have a husband but now I am not sure. Now I am content. Now I am so used to being alone that it will be a sacrifice to have someone else to think of.
But God assures me that it is still true even if I don’t think I want it and that when it does happen I will say, "This is far better than I ever imagined." And I have to say that he knows what he is doing.
So, I believe, I am waiting. It could be any time. Who knows.
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