Whenever our hearts in [tormenting] self-accusation make us feel guilty and condemn us. [For we are in God's hands.] For He is above and greater than our consciences (our hearts), and He knows (perceives and understands) everything [nothing is hidden from Him]. 1 John 3:20
You donít know what I have done. But I said this. Can God forgive me for doing that? Thereís no way God could love me after that. Some things I am just too ashamed to ask God to forgive me for. I am too embarrassed. How do I repent? How many times will God forgive me?
Do any of these questions sound familiar? Have you searched out the answers or thought these questions silently to yourself? Are you still struggling with any of these things? Itís going to be alright.
The very fact that any of these questions can be in your thoughts is promising. How could I say that? Because it means that in your heart, you have felt the gentle urge of Godís Spirit that something is not right. He is drawing you to Himself or you wouldnít be questioning these things to begin with.
What path you take is still up to you, but right now, although you may not be able to see it, you are in a beautiful place. How could I dare say that? Because, if you are asking yourself any of these things, there is hope.
The devil would never want you to question what you were doing or had done. In his ultimate plan to destroy you, he leads you on, telling you everything is just great, no worries, no fears, you have plenty of time to get things right.
Itís not that the devil minds you questioning, he just wants to answer you with enough of the truth, to silence the questions and keep you on the path to eventual destruction.
God, already knows everything, nothing is hidden from Him. As long as you think that there is something that you can keep hidden from Him, you will never be free. When you come to the realization that He already knows, that is where your freedom begins. Breathe that in.
But what assurance do you have that He will forgive you? He paid the price upfront in full, before you were even born. Your debt was already paid.
Just as the Son of Man came not to be waited on but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many [the price paid to set them free]. Matthew 20:28
Condemnation is the tool that the devil uses. Itís mental abuse. You will never change, donít even try. Who is going to love you? You think God will forgive you? Look at what youíve done! Youíre worthless! These are the constant reminders of the voice that chains your mind and leads you to continue in the same behaviors.
Why? Because the devil has convinced you that there is no use trying: you have done too much or gone too far. He has you believing that your sin is greater than Godís grace. There is no hope for you.
Conviction is the tool of a Holy, loving God. Itís that prick in your heart when you know you have done something wrong. Itís that voice that tries to reason with you not to do what you know you shouldnít. It is the gentle leading in the direction that you should go. It is exactly what leads you to question your choices to begin with.
Conviction of Godís Holy Spirit, is the light of hope that speaks out and says, Godís grace is enough. He still loves you. He wants to help you. He wants you to be free. There is hope for you.
The devil will lie to you, and tell you itís ok, that you can repent later. But what is repentance?
John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness (desert), preaching a baptism [ obligating] repentance ( a change of one's mind for the better, heartily amending one's ways, with abhorrence of his past sins) in order to obtain forgiveness of and release from sins. Mark 1:4
Repentance is a change of oneís mind and their ways with a literal hatred and shunning of past sins.
Do you really think someone who continues to do the same things over and again is living a life of repentance?
Does it mean you are never going to sin again? No. But your very life should be an example of one who makes every effort to avoid sin on every level. Not a life that makes every excuse for why sin is still present in your life.
Your life should be a humble representation, that with the 100% that you are giving to abhor and shun sin in your life, you realize that is only by His grace that you are able to make it through.
Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it]. Hebrews 4:16
He already knows, He wants you to know that. Donít keep running in circles, they never end. You have not gone too far to turn back, turn around, Heís right there. The questions that you have, He has the answers. The peace that you seek, itís in His hands. Your sin is not greater than His grace, you canít out-do God.
Itís going to be alright, even if nobody else around you does, rest assured, the Lord understands.