Donna, thank you so much for telling me about this. It is amazing and I agree with all those who have commented already on your excellent portraying of truth, and our constant battle with 'self'. Love the title too. A really really excellent poem. Thank you too for your kind comments on my 'Armour' poem - yes, it was in the 'Weeks' challenge some months ago.
Keep writing - all for His Glory, Margaret
Hi, my name is Elgin I'm "Subwaysurfer" read your poem, and loved it. I don't know why you've received no replies on it yet. For one, the title and opening grabs you right away. "Jesus is killing me" is definitely a statement normally not associated with Christ! It expresses a spiritual truth we all need today attention to about te old man, whom the scriptures emphatically tells us to put to death.
You said you're putting your toe in the water, I suggest you put both feet in, and once you get used to the temperature, put your whole body in! Be encouraged.
This was powerful. The title drew me in immediately. (I wrote an article onse- Did Jesus just insult me? that had that similar What? appeal)
I think you did a wonderful job of connecting with your reader. My biggest comment would be I found the ellipses a tad distracting. Your words were so powerful that the... drew me away for a split second. I appreciate it as a literary tool but think using strong words that summon emotion in the reader is far more effective than using punctuation -- especially the exclamation point --which I know you didn't use but often people do, or all caps.
I also stumbled a bit when you switched from first person to third. I do understand the reason behind (actually I did that too in my aforementioned story when I referred to myself as a little girl lost personality, I did call that part of my personality her) So I get it but it still made me stop and reread to see if I missed another person. The words are so lovely and I could really relate to them. It is a beautiful piece and I'd love to read more of your work.
Donna, Thank you for sharing your heart ... what a beautiful piece of writing. Thank God that Jesus is killing each and every one of us ... the old us that is! Love how you build tempo, rhythm and suspense. I'll be looking for more from you ... welcome to Faithwriters!
Very thought provoking title -- unique approach -- love it! Looks like its your first article on Faithwriters. If this is a glimpse of things to come -- you're on fire! Very inspiring, keep up the good work and before you know it you'll have written hundred of articles. So happy you enjoyed As It Is In Heaven. I just revised it -- only one new paragraph towards the end. You might also enjoy my poem Randsomed By the Blood. May the Lord continue to bless you in your gifts Donna.
Donna, the title alone is excellent on this. It immediately catches the reader's attention with a "Huh?" moment that draws them on to read.
Then your actual article was very good. I found myself echoing your words. Only very quick critique would be to say I'd change this part from itself to herself: "who has exalted itself above the knowledge of God." That made me stumble a little.
Other than that, I like the angle you came from for this. It shows a mind that can think outside the box, and that's essential for creative writers.
Keep writing (and yes, do jump into the Challenge). Deb
What a wonderful title followed by a wonderful piece of work.
I thank you on your comments on one of my pieces. I prayerful and hopes that the fawls in my spelling and grammer is corrected. So, that I can have wonderful work.