No one wants damaged goods.
Manic depression was a big turnoff.
I wasn't a whole person for anyone.
Bi-Polar wasn't accepted back in the 1970's.
No one knew it was hereditary.
I felt so different and out of place.
Books don't care who you are.
Being shy and a bookworm
were two points against me.
Books were my only friends.
I was used to being alone.
Drugs didn't refuse me at all,
but they were against the law.
They pushed me further away
from my family and society.
Alcohol isn't picky,
but drunk driving was the result
which made me so unworthy that
I didn't deserve to have anybody near me.
(Thank God I never hurt anyone.)
Others just joined in on the destruction.
I thought the rape was all my fault.
The guilt was always there.
Also, rejection was a really good excuse
to keep destroying myself.
This led me deeper inside the deep, dark well
and I began being a recluse.
No one is perfect, but
I was really damaged goods
after all the abuse I put myself through.
I don't know how or when
I let everything get so out of control.
Suicide seemed to be the only answer.
God had other plans for me. For one thing, He didn't let my foolish attempt succeed. I didn't know if at the time, but He was in control of my life at this point. He put me in a place for help. He orchestrated everything by placing the right people in my journey to recovery. They introduced and led me to Christ, and gave me a bible, the Word of God. I couldn't refuse His quiet, loving and gentle voice.
My family had tried getting through to me. I thought they were just interfering. But God was the only One who could help me. He was the only One who knew the "real me" before all the destruction began. Now I love and appreciate my family for all their support during my reckless and rebellious days. I never knew this until God showed me.
God has forgiven all of my past sins and present, and future sins. He accepts me and loves me to this day and forever. He understands me and cares enough to change me. God is the only One patient enough to take the time to reteach me how to live.
I am not damaged goods anymore.
I'm not perfect,
but He is not done with me yet.
Thanks be to God.
He will do the same for you. All you need to do is believe and ask Jesus into your life. No matter how bad you think your choices in life were, He will forgive you, too, when you are sincerely sorry. That's why Jesus died for our sins, in our place. He knew we couldn't be saved without His sacrifice. He is the best choice you will ever make in your life today.
2Thessalonians 3:5 (NKJV)--Now may the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the patience of Christ.
Philippians 1:6 (NKJV)-- ...., that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.
Luke 7:47,48(Amplified Bible)--47Therefore I tell you, her sins, many (as they are), are forgiven her, because she has loved much. But he who is forgiven little loves little. 48And He said to her your sins are forgiven!
This is wonderful. I could have written this myself if I could dare write like this. You told it so well, and I too had problems with alcohol back in the seventies and no they didnt accept manic depression back then, they thought we were just low down people. Anyway you really are a great poetry writer.