Thoughts On Being A Wife...
by Lisa Velez
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June 12, 2004
By: Lisa Velez
“Thoughts On Being A Wife”
If I were to give someone who’s getting married advice, what would I say? Hmmm, I’ve been wondering that lately, because one of my friends from a Christian writer’s website’s been asking me for my input. (www.faithwriters.com)
From the top of my head, I must say that husbands are excellent practice for having future children. They leave stuff around, even when their wives ask them ever so nicely to remember to put their “toys” away so we don’t wind up tripping over them in the middle of the night in an attempt to use the potty. What does the husband do? He says the usual, “Yes, Dear.” Then, when the next day comes, he forgets and claims that having eight hours in the morning before work is not enough “time” to put his many shoes lying all over the living room and bedroom floors back in their normal place. Being a wife is definitely proof that God exists and He is sovereign and patient because I can put up with it and find peace again in my weary mind. God must be sitting up in Heaven laughing at this whole thing, and frankly, it makes me laugh inside just the same, except for, that is when I actually encounter the messes and material chaos that my husband crams in to our tiny house. Like, for example, when he holds on to some of his friend Andy’s Deejay equipment and sets it up, making the promise it will be taken down and out of the living room by the weekend. As weeks roll by I, the little woman, figure I’m going to live with this stuff for the rest of my life! Oh the joys of being married. And these are just some of the experiences that a wife must go through and endure while picking up after her “little boy,” though she have no literal kids to speak of at present, except for the furry kids, our three dogs and baby rabbit, who don’t usually make as much of a mess as their “human Daddy” does.
Another example, nothing like coming home from work, where I take care of children all day in a nursery school, to find my husband’s dirty clothes from the night before, sticky cups and dishes lying all over the house. Talk about YUCK! Then, what do I have to do? Not to complain, mind you, or maybe so I deserve it. (All ladies applaud with me…) After a hard day’s work I wind up re-cleaning the kitchen after I had already cleaned it. And again, not to complain, but how about those times when we wives ask our ever so gracious husbands to take the garbage out and they, again “claim” that they had no time or “forgot?” I just love that excuse! I mean, how many times can one forget such a tiny task? Oh, so much to say, and so little time.
These are just some of the crazy, yet chaotically funny things that a wife goes through in her daily life! Mind you, it’s only funny after a certain amount of time has passed and you’re sitting in your easy chair watching “Who’s Line…”
Now on to some of the more serious thoughts on being married.
I love my husband more than anyone, except the Lord, Jesus of course and anything in this entire universe! He is my strength and my ongoing source of confidence when I feel like I’m nothing at all. He understands me when I feel that I don’t understand myself. He works so hard to take care of me, and too often he works way too hard and winds up loosing sleep, time to eat and time to just do nothing but relax. Because of his working two jobs, he misses out on time with family and friends. Even though I know he works so hard to make me happy and to provide for me, still I’d be happier just knowing he was well rested, happy and at my side.
It’s not easy being the Deejay’s wife. My husband has his regular job that he works at from 3Pm until 11Pm Monday through Friday. Then, he works at a secular Deejay company, to make his extra money, and sometimes he winds up doing two parties in one night with no break. I, on the other hand work Monday through Friday at my church’s nursery school from 7:45Am to about 3:30Pm all week, except for Thursdays when I work from 8:00Am until 6:00Pm on my late night. By the time my husband gets home around 11:45Pm or 12:00Am, I’m usually asleep and in my own little world, snoring away. Then in the morning, I get ready for work, shower, and shave, say a few words to my husband, kiss him and out the door I go for another day of the same routine. Then when I come home, I’m alone until he comes home, when I’m not even usually aware he’s in the house because I’m unconscious. And of course, on the weekends, he’s usually working at his friend’s secular deejay company, as I said, so I’m usually alone, making frantic and speedy phone calls to find anyone to come over or hang out with me somewhere so I can enjoy my day in company and find some solace in their warmth, humor and embrace.
I know my husband does what he does for me, but I just wish he wouldn’t “kill himself” to do it. I always tell him that I didn’t get married to be alone. Even though I know that I’m never truly alone because the Lord is with me wherever I am, but I guess I’m just lonely for my husband and also for love. It almost feels like I’m being starved, but not of food, of companionship.
My husband, again for the fourth time, has told me that at the end of this upcoming August he’s going to be quitting his friend’s secular deejay business where’s he’s been serving as manager since the fall of 1998. Now, he’s told me this numerous times, but for some reason, he lets whatever Andy, the company’s owner and good friend of ours, says make him feel guilty and change his mind. Then again, it’s back to square one. Don’t get me wrong, I love Andy and I love his wife, who’s a born again Christian and their son. In fact their son, Ross is a beautiful miracle because he shouldn’t even be alive today, but that’s another story. Praise God! My husband and I still want to remain friends with Andy and his family but we know that God is calling us to begin business with our own recently opened Christian Deejay company called, “Praise Him Entertainment.”® This is the business my husband has been praying about for quite some time. Not only because he would be his own boss, or second in command, actually because God Himself is First in charge, but also, for the fact that, he would make his own schedule and work for extra money but he wouldn’t kill himself. He would, once again be able to take time for his family and his lifelong dream of maybe someday becoming a youth pastor. He also wants to play the drums and percussion in our church’s band and for me when I sing. Yet, he doesn’t want to loose Andy either, they’ve become like brothers. I wouldn’t want them to loose that beautiful friendship that’s taken years to create. Especially for the fact that my husband’s been ministering to Andy about the Lord and he’s finally starting to come around and ask questions that he’s never asked before. He even told his wife, Michele that he would go to church with her one day! Again, Praise God! But, because my husband never kept his word about leaving this secular company, and he always went back for fear of hurting their friendship, Andy doesn’t respect or believe him like he should, because he knows he will just change his mind if he says just the right thing to make him stay. Something tells me though, that my husband is telling the truth this time about actually going through with quitting. I, on the other hand, don’t want to hurt Andy either. He and his family have been wonderful friends to us and have been there when times have been hard. It’s not easy finding good friends like that anymore and I can only hope and pray that our unity in this friendship will last forever. They are like family to us. Sometimes I wonder if I could be wrong about my feelings toward this secular business. Then again, my husband and I don’t want to play that disgusting worldly music anymore that doesn’t glorify God and the love He created. We leave it in the Lord’s hands because He’s the only one who can sort this and anything else out in our lives.
I love my husband more than he’ll ever know. Even through our good times and bad, the happy and the sad, even when we’d feel like our world was crumbling, God always brought us closer together.
Right now, I’m alone in my home and thinking about my husband, who of course, on this Saturday night in June 2004 is deejaying at his friend’s company. I thank God for my furry children to talk to, as well as this quiet time in His presence. I know that He alone can understand 100% of all that I’m going through and feel. Sometimes I feel like I’m wrong and that I’m the one who’s being selfish and unreasonable. Then, I think about all those marriages that have been broken up over things like this and I rethink my feelings. I, unlike a lot of other wives, would never leave my husband because I know that what he does do is not with only him in mind. Besides, quitters never win.
Being a wife can be hard and stressful but it is also very rewarding and wonderful; a true blessing that so many people only hope for. And I wouldn’t trade being married to my husband for the world. With everything that we’ve gone, are going or will go through together in the future, with God as our center, we can get through anything and that’s a fact to stand on and live by. We stand on His promise that everything works out for the greater good at all times in the end, and I will never give up on God’s or my husband’s love.
Another key to keeping marriage strong is communication, for without that, there is no real relationship to speak of. Without communication, feelings get bottled up, only to explode at times of anger and distress. Sometimes, my husband and I wake up in the middle of the night, and in our dark room, holding each other, of course, with our Labrador Retriever, Courtney in bed with us, pressed at my side, and we just talk about anything, even the most silly and awkward things that make absolutely no sense at all to anyone else but make us laugh. The sound of our laughter together creates a perfect harmony that instills peace within us and as we grow sleepy again together, we slip away back in to dream land, holding on to one another. Even God’s word says that, “Laughter doeth good like a medicine.”, I say a Big “Amen” to that, Father, God! When we wake up after a sleep like that, there is this peace and happiness about us, which we would never have found if we didn’t communicate. Who cares if the world wouldn’t or doesn’t understand, God knew it was what we needed and still need, and always will.
It is my privilege to be, Mrs. Lisa Velez, a.k.a.: “The wife of Ramon Velez Jr.” I count the hours until he comes home to me, within minutes of him leaving my side to venture off to work or wherever his day may take him. I just know that whatever we will go through in the future will be worth going through because the One who’s brought us together to His glory will strengthen our love! “What God has joined, may no man put asunder.” And satan, we’re not for the taking, so back down in Jesus’ name!
And that’s another thing. A family that prays together stays together. Sure, my husband and I have to pray much more together, but when times get hard and there are struggles in our lives, we go up to the altar at church, join hands and pray together. And sometimes we even have to cry together. And what better place to cry, than at the altar, sitting at the feet of Jesus, while He caresses our tears and sorrows away with His tender Spirit and merciful love. There are times when after we pray, we even talk together at the altar, with such a peace about us that we know could only come from one source, Jesus.
I’m sure as the days and the years go by I’ll have much more advice to give and to offer those getting or already married. I just want to say, never give up! For anything is worth it’s going through, just to hold on to the thought of future Eternity together where there will be no more pain, sorrow, tears or sadness. All there can ever be in the arms of the Lord is love, and that is the glue that holds a marriage together.
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Lisa, This sounds so much more like a personal letter than an article - it reads like you are "sounding off" and saying things you wish you could say to your husband. I felt your struggle and pain. Besides a few grammatical errors, you did a good job conveying your feelings. God bless you as you work through this difficult time in your marriage. Blessings also on starting Praise Him Entertainment! May God give you the wisdom you need to make the right decisions. Lynda Schab