A man of God, C.S.Lewis, kept a daily journal of his life, and from one of these moments in time, he wrote an interesting book entitled,” A Grief Observed”. He wrote this book from his notes after the death of his wife. I was amazed at the parallels of his suffering, how they mirrored what I was going through with the grieving of the loss of a friendship, a relationship, the very presence of a very close lady in my life.
So many emotional stages are involved, such as, anger, and spur of the moment crying spells, caused by a memory, or photo, or even the sight of another couple. These things reminded him, as well as me, of how things were between our loved ones that had now departed from our lives. The loss caused such pain, a pain that seemed so unbearable at the time, and so intense, to the point where you believe you may need to call for assistance if no relief can be obtained.
C.S. believed and felt as if God was very far away from him, and seemed to be ignoring him as well. But, he later realized that because of the intensity of grief he was experiencing, and its strength, it (the grief) would have blocked out any answers or comfort that God would have tried to give to him! He paralleled that thought with the scenario of a drowning man flaring and fighting for life, fighting against his rescuers so hard that he was causing trouble to those trying to perform the rescue!
We were getting in the way of God’s comfort by the intensity of the grief we were allowing to enter our lives. As C.S. felt, so I came to the same understanding, that God was not hearing our pleas, not answering our cries for help, when in reality, He was always there for us waiting for the opportunity to make a difference in our lives. We needed time to grieve, to settle down enough for us to hear and feel His work and presence.
I would like to add to this observation a revelation from God given to a dear friend and sister in Christ, who recently was struggling with the imminent death of her brother who had rejected her for 40 years and right up to the day of his death. He refused her phone calls and her presence with him at his death bed. She said the feelings of rejection were so very painful and hurtful, and she struggled with this for many days. She spoke to me as to how this reminded her of our earlier conversations of the rejection and loss of my loved one, and she knew that we were able to understand and console each others pain and sorrow.
This dear sister confided in me that Jesus revealed to her, during one of her very sad moments, that He understood and cared, for His rejection was very sad and painful as well. As she meditated on this, the tears began to flow, for she knew that the rejection Jesus had to deal with, paralleled, but in no way compared to what she or I were dealing with. His was on a scale of many, where as ours was one on one with another person.
Jesus was rejected by His own people, and even His own Father had to turn His back on His son, and allow Him to die on that cross for our redemption. Therefore, He knows our pain, our sorrow, our grief, and is always there for us, to wipe away the tears, and to get us back on our proper journey and purpose in life. C.S. Lewis was able to observe and learn from his grief and despair that God was always there, and He understood, and because of that he was able to continue on in his life’s work, for his Creator, as one of the most influential Christian writers of his day.