Where daisy fields meet apple trees,
in visions of the sky,
I’ll sing for you sweet songs of youth
that echo by and by.
We'll play our lives in waves of sand,
concerned with ebbs and flows.
For till our lives free in the breeze,
the seas are fierce with need.
The treasures of our days are here,
abounding as we fly
o'er rocks and hills and glades and fields
of our enchanted lives.
You touch my hand - my spirit soars
You touch my soul - I need no more.
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Hi Amy! Thank you for your critique of “Fighting the Darkness.” I know that was a long time ago and I apologize it took this long. Procrastinating is one of my bad habits I need to curb. Concerning what you said about putting on the white robe and not being able to turn back, I’m not entirely sure one would stay automatically saved if they rejected God afterwards, but that’s a question I’ll have to ask my pastor.
Now for your poem. Wow! That was beautiful. Both in imagery and emotion. The last two lines told us with whom the narrator is singing, playing, and flying and ended it perfectly. My only suggestion is to make a rhyme for the second stanza; that’s where I felt a bump and had to pause for a moment. Instead of “flows” and “need” you could try... well I don’t have anything now but you’ll come up with something. I love all the scenery in this. Great job!