came to Jerusalem.
(Three astronauts, from planet
Vega, have landed their spaceship
in the parking lot of Walmart,
on December 23rd,
in south Texas.)
"What do you THINK,
then he sneezed. He
always hated coming to
Earth; the last time
he had landed in Antarctica, and gotten in
a big fight with a huge walrus: thinking it was
just a plump Earthling with extra-long teeth.)
"I DUNNO! When
can we LEAVE? I have
the worst ALLEGIES
with this ATMOSPHERE!"
his little purple and green head. Earthlings,
walking past, were just
ignoring them: not being able to see past
the Vegans' VASA-Shuttle-Shield.)
"CAN'T! Not YET!
We haven't written
our REPORT! Where's
"Uh.....I LEFT it.....
You're such a goof-vegan! Go GET
"Neah.....it would TAKE
me too long.....plus, I'd
have to turn off and on
"Let's just OBSERVE,
for now! Then, we can
write all that stuff when we get back to the SHIP:
before SNACK 'N' NAP TIME!"
(Veganschlupp shrugged his small, plump purple and green shoulders. He was already bored with these tall human-aliens;
one of them was standing in front of the
huge building, at a swinging bucket, wearing a floppy red and white hat and ringing a big bell; all the other Earthlings ignored him.)
(Vegaschlott sneezed, rather loudly, again. Something in
this particular place
was tickling his tiny green and purple nose: perhaps it was all the
grimy stuff coming out
of the Earthlings' ugly
"HE went on INSIDE:
wants to see what all
the FUSS is about!"
another green Vegan-
peanut into his small
mouth. He went on
munching, and talking.)
"WHO do ya think that
guy is: the one with
the red and white HAT?"
(Purple and green snort.)
tryin' to ANNOUNCE
just IGNORING him!"
(Vegaschlott stopped talking
for a moment to reach down and
zip up his purple and green and
gold VASA SHUTTLE jacket. The jacket
was too big for Vegaschlott, and made
him look like an overly-ripe pomegranate
wrapped up in a bunch of multi-colored tin foil.
The VASA jacket had a round, embroidered badge
on it with a picture of the lumpy green and
purple planet, its four orange suns, and
its universal mascott: the VegaCat.
An Earth drizzle had begun; Vegaschlott
was already shivering. He hated
this planet; why anyone would want
to live here was a space mystery.)
"But........wonder what's in the BUCKET?"
"Maybe it's FOOD?
HEY! HERE COMES
HE GOT in that WHEEL-THING?"
(A really short, plump,
purple and green Vegan
was trotting toward them: pushing a rather
large metal cart full
of all sorts of bags,
and boxes. His VASA-
making everything invisible to the Earthlings' eyes.)
HEY! You're missin'
all the FUN, in THERE!
Just LOOK at all this
(Vegaschlott squinted, and sneezed again. His
little purple eyes were
all itchy and watery;
he hated this planet.
Perhaps those red and
white hats were some
sort of shield against
the planet's badly
perhaps he should get
"You gonna take all that
looks sort'a IMPORTANT to those
(Vegaschnopp waved a
plump purple and green
hand at his sneezy
I just brought it OUT
so you guys could take
a LOOK! After we
take some PICTURES...
I'll take all it BACK!"
another green peanut
into his mouth. Thankfully, he had
thought ahead and taken a supply of Vega-
vegies with him, before
making the trip. He
food: it always gave
"What IS all that
STUFF? WHY is it
all red and GREEN?"
(Vegaschnopp shrugged. He loved
the moment he was biting into a big bag of
popcorn: the bag didn't taste that good but the little yellow things were pretty tasty. He offered a corner of the bag to
Veganschlupp: Veganschlupp waved it
away: pursing his little
green lips, and sticking out his little
LAST TIME I came to
EARTH.....it was a lot
was none a' this red
and GREEN stuff! NO PLACE!
Maybe, it's some kind'a
This Earth-air was
way too oxygen'y, and
full of air-bubbles. He
couldn't wait to get back on the shuttle;
this was his second trip to Earth,
and so far it impressed him almost
as much as last time with that big fat
walrus. The walrus, a rather ornery, cranky sort,
had ripped open Vegaschlott's brand-new VASA
SHUTTLE jacket with his big front teeth,
and then had proceeded to stomp all over it with
his huge, brown, shiny flippers.)
"Could BE! But, NOBODY seems that
FESTIVE......like....they're just doin' cuz they
(Veganschlupp pulled out
a little ceramic sculpture out of the big metal cart.)
(All three Vegans
leaned forward, and
squinted, and sniffed
at the little piece of
ceramic. Vegan eyes
were really small, and
way too near-sighted for this big, cluttered planet.)
full of Earth dust, and
"It's of a LADY,
and a MAN, and a
"Why are all these
ANIMALS around THEM? And, who are
(He pointed another
plump purple finger at
the little sculpture.)
"There's THREE of 'em! SEE?"
again. He put a little
green hand to his stomach: it was full
"Hey! MAYBE, they're
from another PLANET,
".....COME to see the
(All three Vegans suddenly looked at each other: their tiny green and purple eyes squinting through Earth's polluted atmosphere.)
should go look for him,
and going into
they fell down