My Family Ties
by Lisa Schipansky
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My Family Ties
Well, here we are again and it has been A MINUTE since I have shared with you all (whoever you all may be) ;o)
As you know, Paul and I had our baby girl in December and we could not be happier and more blessed. God is truly AMAZING and I couldn't ask for a more humbling, loving experience than staring in to a child of God's eyes wondering what the future holds for her.
I will admit, along with this tremendous blessing from above, has come along challenges and new chapters that I am diving in to and more anxious to learn about every day. Isn't it amazing how God teaches us something new about ourselves and the people around us?
One challenge for me has been family and those who consider themselves "close" to me or my husband. I will admit, being a wife, mother, home maker, and full time working woman is TOUGH! and that is okay to admit. One thing "super women" have a tough time doing is admitting they have reached their limits; it's like we don't want anyone to "know" we just can't do it all. Well, we are weak and humble creatures in God's eyes and our honesty with Him and with each other is the best remedy for those "I've just had enough" moments. We all go through it.
My husband and I both come from divorced parents and both of our parents have re-married, so, we have FOUR sets of parents and grand parents for Meadow! And I thought it was going to be tough for us to get around on the holidays just us two?! HA! Little did I know... :O) Now, don't get me wrong, Meadow is TRULY BLESSED to have all her grandparents who love her and who are more than willing to help and to love on her. And Paul and I are blessed with a big family who love us and who God gave us for a reason. Growing up, my parents were never really "touchy/emotional/i love you" all over the place parents. Now, over the years, I see a huge change, in all of us, and I can only thank God and silent prayers. I think that hindered me some in my relationships with some of my in-laws because I didn't quite know how to want to surround myself with all of them all the time. So, God said, here Lisa, I'm giving you twice as many parents to love you... all the time. WOAH!! But, God knows exactly what I need in my life and when I start bucking Him, He comes on even stronger: what a stubborn Fella, huh? What a stubborn Lisa! In the end, He is always right.
But, in the beginning I found myself feeling guilty that I couldn't 'accomodate' all the grand parents enough or visit as much. Spreading myself, my baby, and our family too thin was beginning to wear me out. I am a huge family person now and I love having family together, but I know my limits and I know that I need my own time with my husband and our baby girl. So, I had to come to God: say look, here's what I'm facing, please help me to make the best out of mine and my husband's situation for our daughter and ourselves. And, sure enough, with my mother-in-law and my own mother: God pointed me straight to the book of Ruth (Ruth 1:6-22). HELLO?! At first, I thought, seriously Lord? You want me to follow these ladies wherever they go and listen to every word that they say?? Yeah right.... I'm stubborn remember? and I'm not doing that... God just chuckled I'm sure. :O)
Now, God wasn't asking me to go move in with them, as Ruth did with her mother-in-law, or to move where she lives, but He was asking me to just open my eyes and my heart, to follow His fifth commandment: to honor my mother and father (Eph 6:2, Deuteronomy 5:16, Matt 15:4). This commandment ALSO includes our in- laws; to honor and respect them. We may not always like what they say or agree with the things they do, and that is okay. I am very good at admitting my limits and knowing what they are, but I had to learn how to voice those, how to voice my boundaries for my family to those we love. And that can be a challenge in and of itself. The hard part is that most people don't take the time to understand what we are feeling or where we are coming from. We are all made of a stubborn/selfish nature and so it is easier for us to say .."okay, whatever..." But communication is key, regardless of what some people say about that, that is what gets you through the crazy moments. So, for me, I had to learn that it is okay for me to communicate, to set boundaries for our family, and if we can't get to everyone all the time or when it is best for them, that is okay too. It doesn't make me a bad person, wife, mother, etc.. I just know my limits and I know that I am not "super woman" and I can't do everything. I am so blessed with a wonderful husband who knows when my communicating is on the verge of slacking. Ha! And so he picks me up where I have left myself off. He helps communicate with me and so we make a great team; just a small thing that makes our lives truly joyeous.
I know you hear people say all the time "Life is too short" and "don't take for granted the time and family given to you"... and so this is true and very well said. And, as with most things in my life, I don't take much for granted and I wish that I could be everywhere all the time, and have at least 3 more Meadows with me :O)
But, God also tells me to "not worry, for He knows everything I need before I ask.." (Matt 6:25-34)
It is okay to say 'No' at times and it's okay ladies to not be such "super women" and mommies all of the time.
More coming soon......
In Him <3
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I love your style, Lisa. What you write is very acceptable, honest and comforting. Keep writing! Congratulations with your baby, Meadow. x