Purify me. Burn the dross of sin off of my life. Now you know those are some powerful words. One might ask me if I am in my right mind or not. Do you know what you are asking for? Do you know what youíre setting yourself up for? I donít know if I am in the right mind according to the standards of man and the world but I do know this: I want to be where God wants me to be. I want to stop feeling like I am feeling. I need Him to remove the toxins out of my life and spirit. Whatever You want from me God- What do You want from me? Empty me of myself. Empty me of sin, bitterness, selfishness, complacency or whatever. I am ready to let God deal with me. I know He has been already. He has been stripping me of everything that is not of Him. He has removed any security blankets that I have attached myself to. I feel naked, exposed, empty and half dead.
It was kind of funny. In one of my bits of frustration, I said, ďGod, what are you doing in my life? It feels like You are trying to kill me! Are You trying to Kill me?Ē ďYes.Ē That was His answer. Alright, He got my attention! He reminded me that I needed to be dead to my flesh- to my will. I have to be a living sacrifice.
He reminded me of the days when He required that His people render under Him sacrifices. Can you imagine offering up a living sacrifice? Taking something thatís alive and tying it down. Oh come on. Itís not going to just let you tie it down. Itís going to put up a fight. It will start kicking and screaming. Thatís how our flesh is. We try to tie it down and it kicks and screams in an attempt to get loose and get its way.
So now, Iím tired of fighting- tired of kicking and screaming- tired of trying to blend in my way and plan with His way. TIRED!!!!! Tired of running from who God called me to be. Now itís not like my life is terrible. But I know thereís more and not just more to get. There is more to give. I know Godís wants more for me and from me. I got to a point where I was like, ďLook, donít ask me for nothing! I donít have anything else to give! What part of that donít you understand?Ē Yet, I found myself constantly in situations where I have to sow into people. I had to encourage someone. I had to advise someone.
I realize that it was only hard when I tried to do it in my own strength. It was only hard when I didnít take the time to sit at Godís feet in order for Him to replenish me and restore me and put His strength in me. It was only hard when I allowed the cares of the world to overwhelm me. It was only hard when I made it about me! But the people of God- we are of a different Spirit. We canít depend on our natural abilities and we cannot walk by our feelings. If we do, we will never get anything done. We must depend upon God. He knows what He put in us and He knows how to get it out of us. So we might as well just let Him work. We might as well stop interrupting His plan.
This year has been amazing. I canít write down the many times where I have been left shaking my head. The trials have been deep. Sometimes I felt like I was being stoned- just one thing hitting me after another- one hard blow after another. But in the midst of it all, the revelation that God has been pouring into me has been even more amazing. Thatís why I know thereís more. Thatís why I know He wants more. Thatís why I know I can't stay at the level Iím at. I have to come up. And no matter how hard the enemy has been trying to get me to throw up my hands, buckle under pressure, and give up, I canít. I canít give up! Donít get me wrong, many times I want to. But I canít.
Sometimes things become so hard and unusually crazy. Itís like the world and everything in it is having a nervous break down but I thank God that even when stuff seems so crazy and messed up and I feel like I will never be able to get it right- He reminds me of His presence, of His grace, of His mercy and of His love. He told me, ď In spite of everything, youíre still standing. In spite of everything, you keep pressing and praying because you KNOW that I won't fail you. I'm greater than anything you face. I AM THAT I AM! The Alpha and Omega. The Beginning and the End. Nothing and no one (not even yourself) can pluck you out of My hand. I'll bring you through and put you over the top. You will not fail. You will prevail!"
So it is here- right in the midst of where I am that I worship God- In the midst of my struggles- In the midst of my own personal insecurities- In midst of my mistakes. Yeah, I do throw up my hands-- not in defeat--- no- not in failure or buckling under pressure but in blessed assurance that Jesus is mine and He is enough!
So, Iím ready God. Ready to be who Youíve called me to be. Do what needs to be done to get me to where I need to be in You! Oh my, Did I say that?
You are a great writer, Wendy. Yes, I know it is the anointing of the Lord, but He has given you an awesome writing ability. I'm sure I've been where you have mentioned, here....half dead, and yes, the truth is, He was trying to kill us! He is doing all we will allow Him to, to kill off everything that is not like Him. It seems to me, that once we agree with Him, the next phase is revelation, revelation, revelation. Oh, I am going on too much, here. Sorry. But I did enjoy this, and can so identify with your words.
Very encouraging and straight to the point. It reminds me of a song that I heard by the gospel recording artist and minister "Tonex", "Lord Make Me Over" God is calling for righteousness in these last days. Empty and willing vessels. AWESOME!