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The Mystery of Married Singles
by Bode Ayodele
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The Mystery of married Singles

By Bode Ayodele

There are numerous mysteries, with the help of the Holy Ghost, which the Christian has to unravel. One of these is the Mystery of being a married single. What does this mean? It is a pointer to the fact that though you may be single from the perspective of the world there is a spiritual marriage in place that you must not take your eyes off. It must remain on the focal point of your mind. It is the Spiritual marriage between you and the Lord Jesus.

Marriage is a strong covenant. When ones spirit in entwined with another it is not to be ignored or to be taken lightly. Many have down played their relationship with the Lord in search of the “right partner.” Some have confessed loneliness and boredom despite the injunction of Jesus that “I will never leave you nor forsake you”. Some have even grumbled that the Lord has been unfair as regards their desire to get married and, in the process, have unconsciously or otherwise despised the comfort and company to be enjoyed with God the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

Yes, it is a good thing to be physically married while on earth. The bible says that “he who finds a wife finds a good thing obtains favour from the Lord, but this fact should not undermine the importance of your marriage to the Lord. If you fail to learn how to enjoy your relationship with God to the fullest while single it is not likely that you will easily do so when you eventually get married.

Now, this brings us to another aspect of marriage. What are your expectations from marriage? Many singles believe all of their problems will disappear the day they say “I do.” Many do not have a realistic understanding of what true marriage entails.

I remember a sister that I once counselled. She was over 40 and a bit on the anxious side of getting married. During the counselling session she said something along the lines of wanting to marry a Pastor or at least a minister of God. Her reasons: “if I marry a pastor he will always pray for me. Since I am constantly sick He will serve as my spiritual partner. He will also help me when I am down or feel depressed as well as help me with my daily chores. It is only a person that is strong in the Lord that can effectively bear my burden.”

Here was a person that wants to do the right thing but for the wrong reasons. Marriage is not supposed to be a dumping ground where we off load our most troublesome burdens. Jesus said “cast your burdens upon me for I care for you” he did not say you should cast such burdens on your wife or husband!

The bible admonishes us to live by faith. Spiritual maturity entails that you are able to entrust the Lord to solve your problems whether there is a helpmate in the equation or not. When we state that we are complete in the Lord it means that with or without a spouse, we shall not suffer any form of lack.

As children of God, we need to learn how to stand firmly on our own feet in the Lord without feeling that we have a missing rib! This does not have anything to do with the campaign for women independence or anything of such. It is just that one needs to understand that having Jesus is a complete package. A husband or a wife coming into the picture through marriage is not designed to make your more perfect or complete. You are complete in Jesus already.

The secular world has told us that marriage is a fifty/fifty love affair. Christians have taken up this misnomer as the gospel truth. This however is misleading. Marriage is not fifty/fifty it is one hundred per cent/one hundred per cent. In other words while your spouse is supposed to give you his or her all, you are expected to do the same unconditionally.

This is a true reflection of our relationship with the Lord. He is not saying I will love you for as long as you love me. The bible states that he loved us before we first loved Him. His love towards us is without conditions.

It is only when you fully understand what it is to be married to the Lord that you can enjoy the best of an earthly marriage. It is only when we go into our marriage with the mentality that I am already complete in Christ Jesus that we can contribute effectively to our homes and the life of our spouse.

Some have complained that they have married a spouse who does not know how to show love. The solution is to fill him/her with love. Some have said it is joy that is lacking in the home. Then fill it with Joy. Some even talk of the lack of faith, failing to remember that you alone in that marriage can provide these qualities that will make the desired change. The more you express a particular quality the more it will manifest in your marriage and in the life of your spouse.

Imagine how it would be like meeting Jesus. Let’s assume you see the Lord walking towards you in all of His splendour and glory. How would you react if on meeting him the Lord says something like: “I thought my meeting with you would make me joyful? I thought your presence would fill me with joy and love? You seem so unhappy it is affecting me. I think I need the company of someone else!” Definitely you would not find it funny. In fact, most likely you would doubt that it is the Lord has appeared in the vision.

We take it for granted that when we meet with the Lord he will so much overwhelm us with Love, Joy and Peace that all of our worries will vanish. We do not expect our own emotions to have a negative impact on the Lord. We expect His presence to radiate so much life that we cannot be dull or sad around Him. This is exactly what we are supposed to bring into our marriage.

The bible talks about the Fruit of the spirit. As a person who seeks a spouse we are first to ensure that the nine qualities of Love, Joy Peace, Faith, Patience (or long-suffering, as King James, put it) Temperance, Meekness and Kindness as stated in Galatians 5:22 are already in place in our lives. It is the fruit of the Spirit in your life that will make your marriage prosper. The realisation of your marriage to the Lord and that he dwells in you is what enhances the full manifestation of these fruits. Remember the Lord Jesus is the only person with the Holy Spirit without measure.

Also, when we eventually get married our spiritual relationship should take another dimension. For then, though you are married to so, so and so you are still single to the Lord! What this means is that like Job you should be able to stick to the Lord firmly under all circumstances without allowing your new found relationship to sway you from what you have believed. You should be unwavering in your resolve to please the Lord.

Adam was not approached directly by Satan in the garden. He ate the forbidden fruit more out of sympathy for Eve. He did not want her to face the consequence of sin alone. He so much loved her that he was willing to disobey the Lord to maintain their relationship.

This is the wrong way to approach marriage as regards our relationship to God. We should be ready to let go of anything to please him. That which you forsake for the sake of Jesus will surely be restored. Remember the words of our Lord to Peter. “He that forsakes wife, children and houses… for my sake and the sake of the gospel…(Matthew 19:29)”Remember Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice Isaac.

Beloved, are your conscious of the fact that you are complete in Him. Do you agree that with or without a husband/wife you have it all in Christ Jesus. The more you realise this fact the more prepared you are for marriage and the more successful your marriage will be.

Remember: you may be single, but you are still married to the Lord and when you are married, you are still single unto Him.

Think about it.

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