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a dieters world
by collette mcfarland 
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A Dieters World
Collette McFarland

The world is against us dieters. There is no escape. We are all victims of
sabotage. Try cutting back on your calories. It's nearly impossible. Sometimes I go down to the cafeteria at lunch time. I work in a hospital, so I expect to see healthy food. And there is actually a splendid salad bar...past the pizzas, fried chicken strips with French fries and taco salads made with sour cream, guacamole, cheeses and fried beef, hot dogs, and chili dogs, oh my. Now, I got overweight because I couldn't go past these greasy delectables, no willpower.

They were closer and quicker to get to, the salad bar being at the very back, but it also had the smallest line. And at the cash registers, snacks, chocolate chip cookies, pound cakes and muffins for those who did have the will power to pass them up in the food line. They wear you down till you can't take it anymore. Now, to avoid the cafeteria I bring Slim fast to work. I also bring raisin bran for breakfast, throwing some fruit in the mix also. So what can trip me up next? Sales representatives bringing donuts and bagels with different flavored cream cheeses into our lounge, our private sanctum, to entice us to listen to their spiel on their fantastic products. Our bosses conspire against us also. They bring goodies to the monthly staff meetings. Come on, we're in the health profession, diabetes, high blood pressure and (gasp) obesity run rampant through our ranks! Walking down the sacred hospital corridors I pass many offices with candy jars in them.

These are magical candy jars, they start calling my name the closer I get. I'm invited to help myself. The owners don't eat the confections, they just harbor them for unsuspecting innocents that are slammed with guilt right after the last ounce has descended down their throats. I'm signing up for the
witness protection program and getting a new name. Then come celebrations. I had a birthday/anniversary weekend at a fine resort. What is in abundance? Good food, candy stands, more good food, more candy stands, next to clothes stores with size three outfits. No one was buying them because we were all size 18's and 20's(all numbers are fictional and any resemblance to real life is coincidental). Then there were wineries galore. We toured three of the eight vineyards complete with four ounce samples of fermented beverages and yummy treats. After the first winery I gave my wine tickets to my spouse. He looses weight easily, (if you consider 50 mile bike rides almost daily easy) I'm not about to go that far to loose a few pounds. I've done pretty well so far. I'm down to the last size clothes I wore before I super sized, we're not talking small or medium, heck, we're not talking about it at all, I'm just glad I didn't throw them away. I don't get on scales though because I don't want to be disillusioned. I actually didn't feel over weight, I thought I looked great until .... I got a picture of some obese dough girl and realized it was me! I am not about to get a book on weight loss. I'm an educated person. I know what got me fat (overweight, obese, what's the politically correct word?). I actually got fat reading,(well in reality it was the snacking that went with the reading that did it.) The only thing you loose buying diet books is money while some one else gains dineros. I will only read short hints in magazines and papers. I started cutting back on things. I actually only had to eliminate one item from my diet...food, but I resolved to start with just sugars and breads, chocolates, fats and salt. I feel better without all the sweets in my system, I don't feel like sludge is flowing through my veins. I have more energy so even if I don't take part in marathon bike rides I get on my treadmill more. My family is in collusion against me. I have two sisters-in-law, two brothers-in law, a mother in law and numerous nieces and nephews. What does this mean in calories?

Monthly, if not weekly birthday parties, anniversaries, weddings ect, ect. If you don't get a slice of chocolate cake they want to know why, you say you're dieting, they say one piece won't hurt you. No, but one slice twenty times a month with ice cream will. (I started telling them I had cake when they weren't looking.. WARNING: dieting can lead to lying!) It's just easier to gain weight. Go with the flow. Buy new, larger clothes regularly. Enjoy your weight. Eat drink and be merry then get buried. Give up the fight? I refuse. I don't want to die young, please help me!!! Our father who art in heaven, don't give me today my daily bread. Forgive us our weight and we'll forgive our tempters. Do not lead us into sweet temptation and deliver us from the devil's food cake. Amen.

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