Brothers, let us start our time together with an innovative quote, which I was blessed to create: “Marriage is ONLY a trap, IF one enters it from a wrong motive!”
In other words, if your motives are not right, the marriage will not be right.
I’ll be honest. My columns are written weeks, or months in advance. I don’t know the time of the year this column may run. But--there are some things that need repeating--especially about marriage:
*First, it’s NOT for everybody--especially adulterers, the selfish, and manipulating.
*Second, ‘Adam and Eve’ were the first married couple--NOT ‘Eve and Angie’.
*Third, God does NOT recognize ‘same sex’ marriages.
*Fourth, I agree with God and HIS Word.
*Fifth, the husband leads in marriage, and the wife follows.
*Sixth, singles should not flirt, chase, nor seduce married people!
*Seventh, by a two-to-one margin in a public referendum, espresso drinkers in Seattle, Washington beat back a ten-cent ‘coffee tax’ that would have ‘helped the children’. The ‘Seattle latte tax’ went down to defeat. Married couples are STILL waiting for Congress to kill the Marriage Tax in order to help the FAMILY.
ALWAYS WORTH DOING RIGHT:
Sadly, the only item that will draw any real attention will be the item on the espresso tax dispute in Seattle. The other six items will be glossed over by the feminists, the social engineers, and many of the spineless politicians that inhabit many a legislature or court of law, and even some MEN who are reading my column.
Since I write my column to men, let me make it crystal clear at this point:
Manhood--oftentimes--means doing right, when few will give you credit.
Manhood--oftentimes--means standing alone against the majority.
Manhood--oftentimes--means standing alone against polling data.
There are too many in this country--and other nations--more interested in ‘playing house’ than ‘building a home’. That is why marriage continues to get a ‘bum rap’ from those who didn’t do it right in the first place.
A woman has NO BUSINESS asking a MAN to marry them! I don’t care what society, the media, friends or polling data may put forth. Man asks woman for her hand in marriage…period. Woman either accepts or rejects the marriage proposal…period.
Anything else is merely ‘playing house.’
The true tragedy of our modern day is that there are many men who know to do the right thing by marrying the woman of their dreams, are NOT doing it because the mainstream (from the feminized mainstream press, to the bitter women of the Internet) will not give them a ‘pat on the back’ for doing things the right way.
Fearing being labeled as ‘different’, many men are more interested in what society says rather than what common sense dictates, about this bedrock institution of marriage.
THE FIRST TRUTH: MARRIAGE IS--A GROWING LOVE!
Why do I call marriage ‘a bedrock institution’? Simply stated, society is only going to move and expand based upon the success of the FAMILY. In the words of John Hagee, pastor of Cornerstone Church in Texas: “Traditional marriages REPRODUCE; Same Sex marriages RECRUIT!”
When the family is healthy, society is healthy. When the family is NOT healthy, society falters, sputters, and eventually--DIES! Thus, those of us who either HAVE successful marriages, or have been blessed to learn from our mistakes and married again and NOW have successful marriages have a DUTY to pass on our wisdom, training, and joy to a new generation of men. At the risk of being controversial, let met pass on this key reality: Only MEN can train MEN.
So, let’s get down to business and three basic truths about marriage--in no particular order. First, marriage is based upon a GROWING love for your OWN wife! Brothers, you ‘fall’ out of love with fashions, jobs, and hobbies--you DON’T ‘fall’ out of love with your bride. Your love for her should be growing, day by day, as the love of Christ grows for His church and His people, day by day. Read I Corinthians, Chapter 13 in the KJV Bible for more illustrations of this point.
SECOND TRUTH: MARRIAGE IS--TRAINING YOUR OWN WIFE:
Brothers, if your love is growing day by day for your wife, then her obedience--or submission to your lead as her husband--is going to grow. In other words, a part of being a husband is not only leadership and the delegation of authority, but also the training of your OWN wife.
Let me stop and let the catcallers ‘catch up’ with me for a moment. “Mike, what do you MEAN that a husband has to TRAIN his OWN wife?”
You’ve read my column right and I’m already ahead of you.
If a husband does not train his wife, or make the necessary investment of pouring himself into her life to equip her to resist both outside and inside influences against their home, he is setting himself up for failure, heartache, and misery. That’s why the husband is under biblical mandate to cleave to his wife. That’s why the husband’s prayers are hindered--or blocked--if he is not treating his wife right. Lastly, that’s why one of the qualifications of leadership in the church for men is to have a stable and exemplary home life.
Brothers, if you don’t train her AND lead in your home, you are forcing her to train and lead Y-O-U, which is where Eve made her fatal mistake with Adam. She got her information from a source on the outside of her home, and it clashed with the information that had already been provided to her inside of her home--by Adam.
Men and women have been paying for it ever since.
There are some who are already warming up their keyboards calling this kind of thinking ‘old fashioned’, ‘out of touch with reality’ and ‘sexist’.
Here is my response in advance: Based upon the number of divorces, illegitimate (OOW) births, single parent households, and same-sex shacking up (aka domestic partnerships) that are clogging our social agencies and draining our respective state and federal treasuries--to be blunt--the ‘new’ school of thought is NOT cutting it!
We’d better get back to what we KNOW--works!
TRAIN HER--IN WHAT?
Here is a ‘short list’ of items to get the ball rolling.
*Train her IN the faith. The husband is to be the ‘resident professor’ on matters of the Christian faith. Put simply…sending your wife and kids to church does NOT guarantee that they are being taught properly AT church. If you don’t know the Bible, you don’t know God--or your wife!
*Train her to HAVE faith. Another important area. Things do go wrong, such as illness, death, bankruptcy, in-laws that act like outlaws, etc. Faith in God translates into strength to stand in the tough times.
*Train her to be LOYAL to YOUR home--and marriage. Certain discussions, issues, and conversations do not belong with her parents, on the Internet, at family reunions, and among her friends.
*Train her in budgeting and finances. Where, why and how does the money go in your own household? Where are the wills and insurance policies kept? How is your tax liability if both of your, or only one of you are working?
*Train her in modesty. Oooooh, I’m going to hear about this. However, it is truth! A married woman should LOOK like a married woman, and carry herself like a married woman. After all, if she picks out your clothes brothers, you have a duty to check out HER wardrobe. It makes being married--a whole lot easier!
THIRD TRUTH: MARRIAGE IS--COMMUNICATION!
I might as well make it plain for the brotherhood in this arena, because this is critical. Communicate WITH your OWN wife--morning, noon and night! If your male and/or female co-workers, secretary, or the clerk at the store know more about you than your Mrs., you’d better get it fixed--and quick! Otherwise, like Ray Parker, Jr. said in his song “A Woman Needs Love”: ‘You might just come home, early from work; open up the door--and get your feelings HURT!”
It’s not just about her knowing your political, social, and financial views, but you need to develop (and, in some cases REVISIT) those verbal skills of praise, romance and appreciation that you had when you two first met.
Brothers, keep this in mind as we close for this month.
Men are stimulated by what they see; women are stimulated by what they hear.
How much you--and your bride--communicate with each other on a regular, daily basis WILL make a real difference in marriage maintenance and longevity. In the words of one older, married brother: “The fireworks in the bedroom that night, are lit at the breakfast table by dawn’s early light!”
RAMEY, a syndicated columnist and book reviewer, lives in Indianapolis, Indiana. THE RAMEY COMMENTARIES appears on fine websites and gracious blogs around the world. To correspond, email firstname.lastname@example.org. © 2011 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications.
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