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Marriage--Only The Successful Need Speak
by Mike Ramey
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Brothers, let us start our time together with an innovative quote, which I was blessed to create: “Marriage is ONLY a trap, IF one enters it from a wrong motive!”

In other words, if your motives are not right, the marriage will not be right.

I’ll be honest. My columns are written weeks, or months in advance. I don’t know the time of the year this column may run. But--there are some things that need repeating--especially about marriage:

*First, it’s NOT for everybody--especially adulterers, the selfish, and manipulating.

*Second, ‘Adam and Eve’ were the first married couple--NOT ‘Eve and Angie’.

*Third, God does NOT recognize ‘same sex’ marriages.

*Fourth, I agree with God and HIS Word.

*Fifth, the husband leads in marriage, and the wife follows.

*Sixth, singles should not flirt, chase, nor seduce married people!

*Seventh, by a two-to-one margin in a public referendum, espresso drinkers in Seattle, Washington beat back a ten-cent ‘coffee tax’ that would have ‘helped the children’. The ‘Seattle latte tax’ went down to defeat. Married couples are STILL waiting for Congress to kill the Marriage Tax in order to help the FAMILY.


Sadly, the only item that will draw any real attention will be the item on the espresso tax dispute in Seattle. The other six items will be glossed over by the feminists, the social engineers, and many of the spineless politicians that inhabit many a legislature or court of law, and even some MEN who are reading my column.

Since I write my column to men, let me make it crystal clear at this point:

Manhood--oftentimes--means doing right, when few will give you credit.

Manhood--oftentimes--means standing alone against the majority.

Manhood--oftentimes--means standing alone against polling data.

There are too many in this country--and other nations--more interested in ‘playing house’ than ‘building a home’. That is why marriage continues to get a ‘bum rap’ from those who didn’t do it right in the first place.

A woman has NO BUSINESS asking a MAN to marry them! I don’t care what society, the media, friends or polling data may put forth. Man asks woman for her hand in marriage…period. Woman either accepts or rejects the marriage proposal…period.

Anything else is merely ‘playing house.’

The true tragedy of our modern day is that there are many men who know to do the right thing by marrying the woman of their dreams, are NOT doing it because the mainstream (from the feminized mainstream press, to the bitter women of the Internet) will not give them a ‘pat on the back’ for doing things the right way.

Fearing being labeled as ‘different’, many men are more interested in what society says rather than what common sense dictates, about this bedrock institution of marriage.


Why do I call marriage ‘a bedrock institution’? Simply stated, society is only going to move and expand based upon the success of the FAMILY. In the words of John Hagee, pastor of Cornerstone Church in Texas: “Traditional marriages REPRODUCE; Same Sex marriages RECRUIT!”

When the family is healthy, society is healthy. When the family is NOT healthy, society falters, sputters, and eventually--DIES! Thus, those of us who either HAVE successful marriages, or have been blessed to learn from our mistakes and married again and NOW have successful marriages have a DUTY to pass on our wisdom, training, and joy to a new generation of men. At the risk of being controversial, let met pass on this key reality: Only MEN can train MEN.

So, let’s get down to business and three basic truths about marriage--in no particular order. First, marriage is based upon a GROWING love for your OWN wife! Brothers, you ‘fall’ out of love with fashions, jobs, and hobbies--you DON’T ‘fall’ out of love with your bride. Your love for her should be growing, day by day, as the love of Christ grows for His church and His people, day by day. Read I Corinthians, Chapter 13 in the KJV Bible for more illustrations of this point.


Brothers, if your love is growing day by day for your wife, then her obedience--or submission to your lead as her husband--is going to grow. In other words, a part of being a husband is not only leadership and the delegation of authority, but also the training of your OWN wife.

Let me stop and let the catcallers ‘catch up’ with me for a moment. “Mike, what do you MEAN that a husband has to TRAIN his OWN wife?”

You’ve read my column right and I’m already ahead of you.

If a husband does not train his wife, or make the necessary investment of pouring himself into her life to equip her to resist both outside and inside influences against their home, he is setting himself up for failure, heartache, and misery. That’s why the husband is under biblical mandate to cleave to his wife. That’s why the husband’s prayers are hindered--or blocked--if he is not treating his wife right. Lastly, that’s why one of the qualifications of leadership in the church for men is to have a stable and exemplary home life.

Brothers, if you don’t train her AND lead in your home, you are forcing her to train and lead Y-O-U, which is where Eve made her fatal mistake with Adam. She got her information from a source on the outside of her home, and it clashed with the information that had already been provided to her inside of her home--by Adam.

Men and women have been paying for it ever since.

There are some who are already warming up their keyboards calling this kind of thinking ‘old fashioned’, ‘out of touch with reality’ and ‘sexist’.

Here is my response in advance: Based upon the number of divorces, illegitimate (OOW) births, single parent households, and same-sex shacking up (aka domestic partnerships) that are clogging our social agencies and draining our respective state and federal treasuries--to be blunt--the ‘new’ school of thought is NOT cutting it!

We’d better get back to what we KNOW--works!


Here is a ‘short list’ of items to get the ball rolling.

*Train her IN the faith. The husband is to be the ‘resident professor’ on matters of the Christian faith. Put simply…sending your wife and kids to church does NOT guarantee that they are being taught properly AT church. If you don’t know the Bible, you don’t know God--or your wife!

*Train her to HAVE faith. Another important area. Things do go wrong, such as illness, death, bankruptcy, in-laws that act like outlaws, etc. Faith in God translates into strength to stand in the tough times.

*Train her to be LOYAL to YOUR home--and marriage. Certain discussions, issues, and conversations do not belong with her parents, on the Internet, at family reunions, and among her friends.

*Train her in budgeting and finances. Where, why and how does the money go in your own household? Where are the wills and insurance policies kept? How is your tax liability if both of your, or only one of you are working?

*Train her in modesty. Oooooh, I’m going to hear about this. However, it is truth! A married woman should LOOK like a married woman, and carry herself like a married woman. After all, if she picks out your clothes brothers, you have a duty to check out HER wardrobe. It makes being married--a whole lot easier!


I might as well make it plain for the brotherhood in this arena, because this is critical. Communicate WITH your OWN wife--morning, noon and night! If your male and/or female co-workers, secretary, or the clerk at the store know more about you than your Mrs., you’d better get it fixed--and quick! Otherwise, like Ray Parker, Jr. said in his song “A Woman Needs Love”: ‘You might just come home, early from work; open up the door--and get your feelings HURT!”

It’s not just about her knowing your political, social, and financial views, but you need to develop (and, in some cases REVISIT) those verbal skills of praise, romance and appreciation that you had when you two first met.

Brothers, keep this in mind as we close for this month.

Men are stimulated by what they see; women are stimulated by what they hear.

How much you--and your bride--communicate with each other on a regular, daily basis WILL make a real difference in marriage maintenance and longevity. In the words of one older, married brother: “The fireworks in the bedroom that night, are lit at the breakfast table by dawn’s early light!”

RAMEY, a syndicated columnist and book reviewer, lives in Indianapolis, Indiana. THE RAMEY COMMENTARIES appears on fine websites and gracious blogs around the world. To correspond, email manhoodline@yahoo.com. © 2011 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Tasha Reed 10 Dec 2008
Mike, you are obviously on the right path. I enjoy your articles. To me, hearing it straight and to the point is best! As God is the head of Jesus, Jesus the head of man, and man the head of woman, it is right for the 'right' man to lead a woman. The woman can only be submissive toward a man that knows how to lead and lead her in the right path making her feel safe and secure. Otherwise she can be forced to take charge and eat the apple. And a man shouldn't marry a woman, unless she's right with God, of course, many woman wouldn't be married if that was the case. Just kidding... I'm right with God and married. Anyway, in order for a marraige to be successful, both must understand the nature of the Adversary and his role in his skillful manipulations to enteract between the two of them. They must commit themselves to each other and be weary of everything on the outside of their marriage. Knowing this because Satan works through mankind just as God our Father does. Sure, a man can train a woman to be obedient like a dog to bark when it has to go outside. But if the woman or man does not have it in them to fight off Satan's deceptions, if they can't see Satan's works of him doing everything possible to break up the happy home, I'm afraid the dog will do just that, bark as it was taught and ignore everything else. But when that woman loves her husband, is strong in the Word of God, trust God and his decisions and the husband she has waited for God to send, she can then rely on God, and know Satan will work his evil with unexpected surprises. By trusting God and the man he sent, with knowledge, time, love, and patience the true husband and wife will come out of the wreckage and a true marriage will be born. An example, the dog at a certain time will naturally go to the door when it has to go out. It doesn't have to be trained. Yes Eve messed up, alot, but like you say, the men must step up to the plate. Adam should have been up from his nap and told Satan, don't talk to my wife, talk to me if you have something to say. In a successful marriage, we cleave to one another, one in the flesh. When situations arise, we flesh them out with as little stress as possible knowing God knows we can handle it together. Not one sided. Not through training, but with love and compassion for each others well being. My point is, if you love one another, with God being your head, God is the trainer of man and his wife. The husband and wife, train together. Live, learn and enjoy all the possibilities God gives us to endure through Satan's evil tacktics. I didn't know how to pay attention to Satan when I was young and stupid in my first marriage, but after reading our Father's Word, God our Father and our Savior Jesus Christ have taught me more than man could ever. We learn when we listen to the Holy Spirit teaching us in our Scriptures, something man may be incapable of teaching us. We learn at different times and different stages of life as God plans. If there is much training needed before marriage, red flags so to speak, then the two people shouldn't get married in the first place much less date. Love can be stupid, I mean blind and many do not want to see the red flags. Many don't want to make God the head of their marriage. This is why we have pour marriages. In my marriage, I've seen Satan pull some stunts that would have made me see red before. I say, Father, you see what's going on? I do to. Today, I love everything about my husband, respect him and because I know in my heart he is given to me by God himself, no matter what, I follow him and am able to be submissive and listen to the man I love. Most of time. Just kidding. Thank you
lydia kasumba 28 Feb 2008
You are excellent in getting through to people of all kinds. Wherever you are, keep writing! I love the practicality of your content, though your pieces are quite long but the headings draw and retain interest and when digging into the content it is a worth while read and time well spent. Excellent!
Steven Wickstrom 23 May 2004
Outstanding article! Men everywhere should read and understand the truth contained in this message. Very well done.
Sarah Balk Bond 22 May 2004
Amen and amen! I really enjoy reading your articles. This was exactly the insight I neede. Truly marriage is not for the faint of heart! Keep writing, and keep encouraging them to be men. The ultimate goal is not to develop more female males, but to get women and men to be exactly what they are called to be. Thanks for your clear stand!


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