by Ramona Cook
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There comes a time in the lives of most of us when we must face the betrayals that have occurred in our lives. Those betrayals may be real or simply perceived as such, but the effect upon our inner sanctum is the same. Scars are made deep within that cause trouble to our inner person and smear, to our minds, the image which God has of us.
I have been being forced, it seems of late, to face some of the betrayals which have occurred in my life. They are recurring in my mind, both the actions and the faces of those who, to me, are guilty of betraying me. Since I have released the people who did those things, why am I recalling the pains of the past? I feel offence for the acts, and anger toward myself that I did not correct them but rather continued to endure as if it did not matter.
When the rubber hits the road, it really is not about what was done to us, but rather how we deal with the effect it has had upon us. It is all about how we now view ourselves, based on the view others have communicated to us regarding their views of us when our hearts were open to them.
Too often, most often, we develop a view of ourselves and of our worth based on how those who did love us, or were supposed to have loved us, have spoken to us and treated us in actions.
Betrayal is not a vanilla word. Betrayal is a gut level word. Betrayal is a bitter word. Betrayal is not a word used for respectable disapprovals or disagreements in relationships.
Betrayal speaks of the most vivid deceptions and hostile disengagements of one person from another, when the two have been in a contract of verbal or written commitment.
The marriage relationship is one of the first to come to mind. The promise or “vow” of marriage partners is to love, to honor, and to cherish the other person for as long as life remains.
Statistics verify that this is not the outcome for at least one half of the marriages. I also interject the truth that of the half who do remain married, within that percentage there are serious betrayals that occur through infidelities, verbal abuses and physical abuses, although the marriage is never legally dissolved.
Another relationship through which serious betrayals occur is the parent child relationship.
Parents, normal parents are expected to love their children. There is no contract written or verbalized, but the fact that parents give birth to their own flesh reasonably acknowledges that there is a bond so strong that can never be broken.
Yet, our world is full of children whose parents have abandoned them. Some are abandoned by one parent leaving the other parent to fill both roles of mother and father and thereby leaving both roles inadequate in operation. Some homes have a mother and father present in the home and still the home is so dysfunctional that proper food, clothing, training, and love are missing.
Children are not able to provide for themselves and parent’s who are indulging their own recreational comforts, while resenting and neglecting the needs of the children, are among the worst of betrayers.
I conclude that betrayals happen and those who betray seemingly suffer no adversity within themselves; the “betrayed” however, being open to and believing in the one or ones, who is/are supposed to love and care for them, are psychologically and spiritually scared by the acts of betrayal and abandonment.
The reason that I am writing my thoughts and experiences regarding this matter is because I sense that until I am able to identify and deal with the scarring effects which betrayals have left on my life I cannot have an accurate view of myself. I reason that I am not fully me until I can tell myself what I think of “me” minus the negative imprints of those who have betrayed me.
It has been my unfortunate experience to have been abandoned, physically abused, and mentally abused by verbal defamations and accusations.
I think myself to be human and so I suspect that many other human beings out there have also been abused in some way and would like to do their own introspections. Therefore I write my thoughts of discovery for erasing the scars of other people’s misdeeds. Maybe it will set someone else to thinking about how to eradicate the negative forces that have come against them.
For all who have never had such experiences…you are in denial.
I do understand however, that some of us have had fewer such experiences; and some of us have had a life filled with betrayals from all possible sources.
The outcome I seek by this writing is to understand how these experiences have impacted my own view of myself. I cannot change the actions or the beliefs of other persons regarding me, but I can change how the past impacts my today.
I look into the mirror and I ask me, “What do I think of you?” Interestingly, I can’t say much; and of what I can say, it is mostly unfavorable; I don’t feel comfortable about me, not really.
According to what the Holy Scriptures tell me, that’s not the way I should feel about myself.
I am God’s daughter by creation and rebirth. I am blessed. I am gifted with spiritual strength and gifts from the Holy Spirit, assigned specifically to me. I have a future. I am favored. The Almighty Ruler of the Universe is my Father and He loves me and provides for me. He empowers me and has mighty exploits for me to do by His choice and Power. I know all this and yet when I look at me I am not feeling or seeing all this worth.
I have therefore decided that my enemy shall not continue to haunt me with flashbacks of shame for the actions done toward me and to me, by other persons who did not properly value me, based on what God says is my value and worth.
I choose to see myself as God sees me:
Worthy: because of Jesus and His Blood sacrifice on my behalf.
Able: because “It is He Who works in me, both to will and to do of His good pleasure.”
Capable: because the Holy Spirit has infused me with gifts which He has chosen to work through me, and so I therefore innately know how to operate in that gift or gifts.
I am Acceptable: because, “I am accepted in the Beloved.”
Therefore, I reject and disown all the negative and ungodly words and works that have been dealt to me by those whom I trusted to love me. I refuse, in the Name of Jesus, to allow those injuries of yesterday to deface the beauty of the life that God has given to me to live for Him.
I am struck with desire for forgivness for any time I have spoken or dealt wrongly with someone who trusted me; and I release in forgivness, all who have injured me.
I call upon You Lord, to erase all the scars,
the things that mar
the image of You in me.
Those who spoke the hurtful words,
did not speak with Your voice
nor did they say what You say.
I ask You, please to take their words
away from my memory
and show me how I may of them be free.
How must I then react toward acts of betrayal?
I do not think we should continue on as if a betrayal is nothing more than a hic-cup. When betrayals occur, they need to be dealt with immediately. Forgivness must always occur because God requires us to forgive so that we can be forgiven.
Reconciliation is a different word.
Reconciliation cannot always happen. It cannot happen because the abuser has no will to discontinue the betrayals.
A balance of equality and mutual respect is necessary for godly relationships. The offender must not be allowed to continue to do harm and hurt to those closest by them; they must be held accountable for their wrong doings. The innocent must not continue to suffer at the desire of anyone who is doing wrong.
We must also recognize the voice of the enemy and his strategies of warfare and discouragement.
The Enemy provokes those who will to speak heavy and hurtful words to us and about us. Our part is to reject the words said and to refuse to agree with their content. If we do not voice our disagreement, their words will be stout against us. But since God has invested the power of words to us all, we can discredit their wrong words by truthful words.
We must also recognize that we do not want to be that ‘voice of injurious words’ which does scar the heart of persons, especially those who trust us to love them.
From here forward, when the shame of words spoken to me, and deeds inflicted upon me, by one who had strings to my heart, are recalled to my memory, I will visualize the face of that one and say to them, “I do not agree with that statement. You are wrong. You have not said about me what God says about me. I reject your comments.”
I cannot go into yesterday and undo the good or the bad, but I can correct the words and deeds, of which God never approved, from having an effect in my life today. When the memories of yesterday invade my today, I will deal with them today.
I think I have found the key to erasing the hurts of yesterday that cloud my view of me today; no rather, the view God has of me. I wish to see what God sees.
AGREE WITH GOD!
Note: I strongly request that my name recognition be given to this article if it is reprinted. I retain ownership, but require no remuneration for its reprint.
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