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Die another day
by Andrew Snowbarger
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Death, darkness, decay, declaration. See the wounds, see the failing light. Hit the streets running, darkness is still painting. The white canvas of hate, filled with unbroken faces. Tears stream, sorrow seething. Call it what you want, i do what i will. His fears, her blooming flower coffin. Grab at the air, faint in the closet. Pull at the doorknob, falling through safety nets. Drawn together, sharing a water bed. Up and down the ship it goes, west and east. Cheating at your own game, doing deeds. Seeing through concrete, running into open air. Something is missing, can you tell me what. Dreaming of fresh roses, dreading the new dawn. Questions unspoken, things never meant to be said. His, hers, theirs, and weird. Sowing seeds, keeping the night...knight. Freaky words, feeling stops. Numb, we all live. Dumb, the show goes on. Don't let the bed bugs in, keep the spring dresses on. Going where no man has gone, animal brain. Try my hardest, quest lost.

Somewhere, over the sunset, i see flowers 'a blooming. There is a mountian in the way. Do we climb it? Do we move it? Does it give fresh water? Are we grabbing a failing hope? People talk about. They give highest love about it. They scream, they faint, they crawl, and they never find. Seeking, always wanting, always hoping. Does it end? This ache...this crack? Where does it start? Shooting stars, deathbed light. Hell cries. Bending, and winding ways. I am keeping on the way to life...Will you be there also?


Imagine a street filled with lies. Its filled to overflowing. And your in it?

Somewhere, down under the lights and thunder, you see your life being shown to all. It wasn't your choice, it wasn't your wish. It was in the plan. The whole way. You were made as a marketing tool. You were given gifts, that only they can explain. You see yourself on a stage. Right smack in the center. You hear the crowd chanting your name. You can feel their power, infusing you with courage. This is what you were made for. Your destiny.

Faith forgotten.

You start to open your mouth. Your vocal chords are primed, and ready. Your hand hovers over the keys of the piano. Your turn is here. There is no more waiting. You are it. This is what life has been preparing you for. Your big night...then it all comes crashing back.

You remember the day it all started...your hate was built on a tiny platform, but it held through all the truth that people have shown you. You were young, very young...too young. You were drunk, passed out on the couch. Waiting. She was in the shower. You were alone for a few minutes...but that was enough time. It was just enough time to do the deed. You slowly rised. Your head feels a lil wobly, but thats alright. Its a simple plan. Do the deed. Get it done with. Help is not on the way. You are alone. She won't be back out for a few more momments...DO IT.

Your back on stage. You shake your head a bit, trying to forget the flashback. it doesn't work. its still there. The shame, the pain. It all weighs heavily on your back. But, its alright, you have dealt with this before...but, then again, it wasn't this bad.

Your back to the past. You can feel a headache start. Your constant friend. A reminder of the drugs that you pumped into your body. Numb is the way you feel. Thats better tho. You'll never remember this night. Its alright, your gonna make it through. Help is not on the way. You are your only friend. Your very foe.

You start walking. Its not far, your destination, and destiny, is just around the corner. The deed is approaching. It is a time for reckoning.

Help is not on the way.

You grab the bathroom door, it fits right into your palm. Its almost as if it was made for you. But, no, that can't be true. Your the master of your destiny. The king of your life. There is no one that controls you. You are a-okay.

You twist the handle. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest. You try a few breathing techniques that you have been learning...it doesn't help. You push your every fear to the back of your mind. The deed is about to be done.

The crowd gets louder. Its every pulse inside your head. The headaches have gotten worse. You try to stand, but no, your legs fail you. Your throat is no longer ready. No longer primed. You can feel the past making your throat turn to sand paper. Its done, your dream has just fallen through your hands. And its all because of the past.

You pull the door open. You can hear her singing. She doesn't notice the sound that your making.

You used to love her voice. It was your soundtrack. Your melody. She always knew the right thing to say, at the right time.

...It was to perfect.

You started to doubt everything she said...did...why?

Help is not on the way.

Lies were formed inside your head, and the deed was here...pounding on your door!

You could hear the water of the shower. It wooed you into a nightmarish state. You could no longer feel your heart beat. Your palms were no longer sweating. The time was now!

Her singing suddenly stopped. Your heart came pounding back.

Did she know?


Go on with the deed?

...or stop?

What to do? Where to go? Should you cancel the whole thing, this close to freedom?


There is no going back!


Or never!

Help is not on the way!

...Thats when you noticed the knife in your hand?

Why was it there?...Wait...you notice something!

Your back on the couch? Holding a knife? What the heck just happened!

You can feel your mind reeling. Trying to find a place of serenity. Where the heck is your stress ball when you need it!

You do your stupid breathing trick again. It doesn't work. You count to 10...nothing! Your still going crazy. Did your mind just play tricks on you. Did all that went on before you were...suddenly transported to your couch...actually happen?

You strain your ears for the sound of the shower...you can't hear it! Maybe...she's done now? Maybe, shes just in the bathroom getting dressed?

You try calling out? Nothing. Again...nothing!

You spring up from the couch. Race towards the bathroom. Fumble on the door knob for a few seconds! Finally you get it open...and you see the shock of your life!

Right there, still in the shower. Adrenaline is racing through your bones or something, cause you cannot be seing what you think your seeing!


Blood is still slowly seeping from the wound. You suddenly see the knife in your hand...and notice the dried blood!

You slowly fall to the floor. Still gripping the knife.

How did it get there...how did all...THIS HAPPEN!

Was it you...no?...yes?


It was YOU! It was YOUR deed! YOUR plan! YOU were the king of YOUR life! The master of EVERYTHING that invloved you!


Your back to the future. The now time. That day still haunts you, even now.

You don't know how the next few weeks were, cause they were a blur. In every city imaginable. To much to handle...to much...here and there. It took you years to get where you are now...but you are here!

You get back up...poise your fingers over the piano again...distance yourself from the past. It will come back in force latter...but, thats the point. LATTER!





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