The great yard sale conspiracy
by James Snyder
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Most things in life are not always as they seem. For some reason one person will say one thing and the person hearing will hear something altogether different. This appears to be the case between the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly.
One of the most frequent comments around our residence is, "Did you hear what I just said?"
Of course, that does not really bother me. What does bother me is when I answer in the affirmative, she will reply by saying, "What did I just say?"
It is not that I do not hear what she says; I'm just not listening to what she says. There is a big difference between hearing and listening. I hear many things but I certainly do not pay attention to most of it. If you would listen to most of the stuff said these days, not much of it is worth listening to, at least for long.
This illustrates the basic difference between a husband and wife. A husband always says what he means; but the wife always means what she says. Complication comes when the husband does not understand what she says and it is almost as if they are using a different language or at least a code most husbands are not privy to.
The problem is the most people do not say what they mean.
When someone says they are having a Garage Sale they do not mean they are going to sell their garage. In fact, they do not even mean that they are going to sell things from their garage. What they do mean is they plan to jam their garage full of junk to sell to unsuspecting customers. Most of what sells at a garage sale has nothing whatsoever to do with the garage. In fact, only half of what they are selling can fit into the garage while the rest spills out into the driveway.
The same thing goes with a Yard Sale. When somebody advertises they are going to have a Yard Sale they have no intention whatsoever of selling their yard. What they are going to do is pile their yard full of junk they do not want and sell to customers who will in turn put it in their yard sale next week.
When it comes to Yard Sales, I think there is only a certain amount of items that keep circulating throughout the community.
I once had an easy chair that I did not want anymore and set it out by the street. It was badly broken and I did not have the time to run it over to the dump. By next morning, my chair was gone. Two nights later, it appeared out in front of the house five doors down. The next morning it was gone only to reappear five more doors down two days later. I believe that chair is still circulating through the community.
If people were honest in what they were doing, they would put up a sign that says, "Junk for Sale." I did see a sign on the thrift store once that said, "We buy junk and sell treasures."
For some reason people think that, if they buy something at a yard sale it must be a treasure. But the way I think is this, if somebody has something in his or her yard sale to sell at a greatly discounted price how good could it be?
This brings me back to the hearing and listening dilemma. I got up last Friday morning, as usual, and discovered that the other resident of our house was missing. I went to the kitchen and found a little note that said, "Make your own breakfast I'm at our daughter’s yard sale."
At first, I did not quite get it. Then I remembered sometime during the week there was some mention about a yard sale on Friday. But I was not listening. After all, what in the world do I have to do with a yard sale?
I had a cup of coffee and then went back to the bedroom to get dressed for the day. I went to the closet looking for one of my favorite shirts to wear for the day. I could not find it.
I then tried to find my favorite sneakers I have had for 29 years. It is taken that long just to break them into where they are comfortable to wear. As with my favorite shirt, my shoes were nowhere to be found.
Some books I have had for years were missing along with some other personal items. I was beginning to think we had been robbed. What robber would steal such things? It would have to be a rather desperate person to do that kind of cherry picking during a robbery.
Then a thought grabbed hold of my mind with the ferocity of a mama grizzly. If I recollect correctly, she was talking about these things in the same context as the yard sale at our daughter's place. She wouldn't!
Later that afternoon she came home, handed me $3.78, and said, "Here's your share of the yard sale."
Not listening to what you are hearing carries an awful price.
The Bible is faithful in warning us,"He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches" (Revelation 3:6 KJV).
God always says what He means and means what He says.
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