“Liz was the most beautiful woman I ever dated,” Shaun, 22 years old said during a counseling session as he reminisced over his high school days. “And she was by far one of the most intelligent as well. But it was her willingness to listen, her sense of humor and joyful disposition that made her so utterly irresistible.”
“So tell me,” I asked him, “why did you marry Denise instead of Liz?”
“Because,” Shaun replied with a smile, “Denise made me feel that “I” was irresistible.”
It is not strange or unusual that we are drawn to people who make us feel good about ourselves. For when someone makes us feel good about ourselves, they are confirming us in our eyes as someone meaningful to them and therefore to us. They are telling us that we are important and significant to them. Inspite of what some people may say, another individual’s verbal expressions and opinions of us does, in fact, matter.
I am also reminded of a middle aged man who I met in the spring of 2004. He lamented his inability find a woman whom he could share his home, business and life with. Listening to him for more two hours of his negative and manipulative views of women, it was easy to see why he attracted women who were negative about themselves and men and were equally manipulative as well. Women he considered a possible spouse, he reported, rejected him. Could it be they were able ascertain his personality and the flaws he represents?
It is written in the Bible that what we sow so will we reap. It seems to me if we want to attract good woman or man as friends or as a marital spouse, we genuinely and unconditionally focus on the interests, aspirations and needs of others. On this day and the years we have in this life to come, make an extra effort to let someone else know of our approval. Surely we can find the means of recognition, affirmation, of sharing—even if all it takes is a kind word, a pat on the back, a short expressive note or certificate, internet e-mail, telephone call or a smile.
And to put my point across, here is a small statement to remember when first meeting people and retaining your ability to interact with people:
A person introduced by my criticism of her or him is certain to sour.
A person commenced with affirmation, praise and honor cannot help
But grow and flower.