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An Author's Secret Yearning
by Crystal Dueck
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How can I be a writer, an author, without baring my spirit? Being a writer is not possible without opening my heart up to the whole world. Iím allowing the world to look into the most private places of my soul, and I canít hide whatís in there. What I am on the inside will come out in my writing; the things that make me cry will be broadcasted. The things that make me blush get put out there where I canít take it back. I guess that being a writer is simply to be Ďan open book.í When you read what I write, youíll be reading my spirit. Youíll know my secrets. You will see my wounds and my scars. You will see facets of me that I probably donít even realize exist. Writing anything that others read is inevitably the same as keeping a private journal that gets uploaded in a public internet blog.

How can I hide? There is no hiding place. Iím vulnerable. If I write, I become vulnerable to every human who can read. Writers can get hurt. Infection can easily set into the wound if the readers donít understand and respond negatively, or donít respond at all. What I write is like a precious baby that Iíve conceived, developed in the womb of my spirit, and gave birth to with great labour pains; and yet this very beloved child of mine can easily be ridiculed, stepped on, and despised just because I put it out there for others to see.

But being a writer is maybe also the most rewarding, the most beautiful life to live. My heart may get stepped on and responded to in a very disappointing way; but the human spirit is created with a hint of compassion in it. Surely the human spirit can be swayed by wordsóbe influenced and touched by the writing of another human spirit.

AhhÖ I wonít hold back. I keep telling myself itís okay that my wounds and scars show through. Someone will see my scar, and then theyíll nod saying, ďI know exactly how that feels. This happened to me onceÖĒ and theyíll recount a tale of their own. Someone will see my wounds and bleeding heart in my writing and theyíll weep with me, feeling each pain as I did as I wrote it. Someone will read of the joy I experienced, and they in turn may end up feeling joy they never felt before.

But it goes deeper than even all that. Maybe someone will read of my breakthrough, and hope will be restored in their own spirit; theyíll get hope that maybe their own breakthrough is coming. Maybe someone will read of my healing, and they will begin to pursue their own healing. Maybe someone will read my love story of falling in love with Jesus, and suddenly the desire will be awakened in their own spirit to pursue that same relationship. Or maybe someone will read of my journey into the heart of my Daddy, God, and they will begin to wonder if they too could have Him as their dad.

So Iíll just write! Iíll stop trying to hide! Just be real... I think most of my readers are real, and they will understand. If they donít, Iíll just not take it personally. I know who I am, and I wonít let go of my identity. Iíll just relax and enjoy the journey. There is someone out there who needs to hear whatís in my spirit. Iíll just write without hiding or watering it down.

Also, Iíve decided itís okay to be sentimental. I once was taught that it was wrong or at least silly to be a sentimentalistóone who writes to evoke emotions for emotionís sake. But itís not. I think itís profound! Emotions are beautiful. If I can cause my reader to cry the way this thought made me cry, then I am powerful and have allowed them to touch a place in their own spirit they may not have been able to access on their own. If I can cause a reader to laugh just because of what I wrote, I am powerful because I just caused them to experience a certain joy I carry that they now get a taste of.

Write. Be vulnerable. Write out the things that make me cry, and the things that make me laugh. Somebodyís spirit will be touched because of it.

Maybe someday someone will write me and tell me how my writing touched them. But maybe they wonít. It doesnít matter. The shift has happened, whether I know about it or not. God made me powerful like that.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Phoebe Carter 08 Sep 2011
I found this very helpful, focused, and encouraging. It's easy to be knocked back with negativity, but as you say; keep writing, don't stop. If something is on your heart, share it. I thank you for sharing your feelings so well. A joy to read your work. Thank you. : )
Rick King  07 Sep 2011
God has given you amazing insights and abilities far above your age. Your openness and your heart come through so beautifully in your writing. Thanks so much for planting these seeds in others lives that they may also get a taste of the Lord and find that He is so good. Keep it up. You are a blessing from the Lord. Rick
Carol Penhorwood  04 Jun 2011
Beautifully said, beautifully written!
Sunny Loomis  03 Jun 2011
Congratulations! This has been chosen to be highlighted on the Message Boards in the Cheering Section. You can see it by clicking here: FaithWriters Jewel Chest
Olawale Ogunsola 29 May 2011
Crystal,you have spoken the truth.Christian writers write as they are moved by the spirit of God.They are doing a work that speaks after death.Pls, write! write! and write.! It is a gift from God!


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