by Babangida Joseph
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Among the various definitions of the word ‘widow’, the most easily understood is that of a woman bereaved of her husband. Hence it would seem like a contradiction to use the term unwed alongside widow. However, as you read along you will get the point I am trying to make.
In most traditions and cultures, widows undergo some culturally accepted practices that set them apart as women in mourning. Characteristically, widows dissociate themselves from the social happenings around them, absent themselves from festivities, stay indoors and wear their weeds (black clothes worn by widows). Some cultures forbid them from dressing up and looking good.
From periods predating the biblical era to modern times, we can see examples of women who have been widowed. Tamar in the Bible was a widow who removed her mourning clothes and deceived Judah, her father-in-law (Genesis 28). Bathsheba also mourned her dead husband. It took almost a decade for Queen Victoria to mourn the death of her husband, Prince Albert in 1861.
However, this piece seeks to address single young ladies who due to the death of a love relationship ‘widowed’ themselves and just refuse to enjoy life. Just like a widow, they enter into a state of mourning that is not defined. They don’t have a set time for when the mourning would be over, and take off the ‘widows’ weeds’ they’re wearing. Such beautiful ladies focus so much on the past – the relationships that failed, the disappointments they experienced, the pain that followed, that they refuse to live in the now. They focus so much on that closed door that they just can’t see the window of opportunity opening up for them.
Some Prince Charming has been waiting just out side the window waving just to get your attention and all the while your gaze was fixed on that door that slammed shut in your face. And the problem Mr Prince Charming is facing is that while he is waiting to get your attention, he is distracted by other young ladies who are taking good care of themselves – those who have chosen to live rather than just exist. Should he go after them; or should he have the faith that, sooner than later, you will notice him? He is in a dilemma. Will you safe the day?
It is OK to feel depressed, feel the pain of a failed or abusive relationship. But what is dysfunctional is living the entirety of your life mourning a guy who is gone for good. Your mourning period should be a time where reflections are made, lessons have been learnt, and of being thankful to God for saving you from a disaster that you would have had to live with for as long as you both shall live.
No matter the personal cost, you must learn to go on with your life. When the consequence of David’s sinful union with Bathsheba resulted in death; he ended his fast, bathed, worshiped God, had a meal, comforted her, and went ahead to have another baby! When Moses died, it didn’t signal the death of the Israelite journey to the place of rest. God said to Joshua: Moses my servant is dead; now therefore arise, go over this Jordan… (Joshua 1: 2). The mission was not aborted because Moses was deceased. How come then you refuse to live? Why will you continue to be an unwed widow?
If you are having trouble living the life you envisaged God wants you to live why not resort to Him and consult with Him over this matter? He can succor you. He can soothe your pain.
You have become mad at the world over the mistakes, abuse or foolishness of one man (or with a series of men in bad relationships). Eventually, hopefully you may discover he doesn’t even deserve you in the first place. So stop being an unwed widow. No body driving into the future focuses on the rear view mirror. A glance or two is OK from time to time. But focusing on it leads to retrogression. Get out of that habit of widowhood and adorn yourself like the beautiful young princess you are. Let the sparkle in your smile return. Sizzle with the moment. Let the whole world know the season of mourning is over. Throw yourself a party. Luckily, your Prince may still be at the window.
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