Single and Alone
by Manuel Vargas
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Single and Alone
This teaching will bless those who are struggling with being single and wondering why they are still alone. I taught this to one person July 4, 2002 in a hand written letter. Now I believe the Christian world can benefit from it. So here it goesÖ
Why am I Single and Alone?
Itís a devastating feeling. You wonder why youíre plagued by its grip. Itís hard to shake it off. You wish it didnít happen to you, but every time you get involved with somebodyóit never works out. Why?
Youíre left alone, single and separated. You feel cheated, depleted and needed. You might be discouraged right now! Only because it adds to your long list of dissatisfactionsóa dysfunctional family, impossible co-workers, a tyrannical boss and a series of make-believe boyfriends brings you to a state of being single and a feeling of being alone.
Whatís Wrong with Me?
You begin to question yourself during your battle of singleness, Why am I alone? Is it my Nationality? Is it my dark or pale complexion? Is it my personality? Maybe Iím not that intellectual? Maybe itís because Iím not a corporate CEO making six-figures a year?
You stand in front of the mirror in your bedroom, staring closely looking for any imperfections. You examine your teeth and tryout different shades of lipstick hoping one color may bring out a sensual appearance. You style your hair one way then try it another way. Then you glance through the pages of cosmo or vanity fair trying to find and apply the latest fashion.
You enter your walk-in closet and pull out some outfits and try them on at which time you are looking into a full-lengthen mirror placing garment after garment over you. You consider all your blouses v-neck, low-cut, crew neck, you wonder should you go conservative or a little sexy bust-line exposure. You check out the jeans and skirts. You try them on one after the other looking at the mirror and turning to see your backside to witness the curves or the lack of them and still wonder whatís wrong with me?
* I tried the latest styles
* I tried the right shades of lipstick
* I see that my body is not that out of shape or is it?
* So why am I single? Why am I alone?
You got to realize that God has blessed you tremendously. He gave you a hot looking body. You are put together very well. You have nice hair, white teeth, pretty eyes and luscious lips. You have a gorgeous complexion that many women spend thousands to keep their look as great as yours. You have a great shape. And men canít keep their eyes off of you when you walk by. Physically you got together. You can say like David, I will praise you; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: Marvelous are your works; and that my soul knows well (Psalm 139:14)
The bible says, that David was handsome (1 Samuel 16:12) The mirror says, youíre hot. Physically, you are blessed. Emotionally, mentally and spiritually you may be struggling to understand why are you single? Why are you without a boyfriend? Why are you separated from others of your social class? Where are the guys? Where is my boyfriend? Where are the girls who find themselves in my situation so at least we can keep each other company? This is so unfair! Itís so depressing.
Seeking peace but you canít find it?
Youíre laying on the sea-shore seeking peace and solitude. The wind blows, the sea gulls cry, the waves crash against the rocks and wet sandy shore line. It sounds like paradise. Itís a great time of solitude but with ongoing stress and failed relationships your mind is not at peace. Your solitary vacation just makes your being alone much worst. What do you do? Why does it feel like Iím cursed more than Iím blessed?
Seize the Moment
What you pretty young things need to know is that with every problem thereís a solution. With every barrier you need the right amount of spiritual force to penetrate the walls of confusion and doubt. Singleness is not a disease. Singleness is not a plague. Singleness is not a curse. Singleness is a time of temporary separation. Singleness is an opportunity of reflection, research and restoration. Singleness can allow you to see things you never saw before. Singleness is something that can be God designed to capture your undivided attention.
What God Does we must figure out!
We need to see what God is doing in our lives when we find ourselves struggling with singleness. David gave us some insight to this human dilemma. David said, God sets the solitary in families: He brings out those which are bound with chains: But the rebellious dwell in a dry land (Psalm 68:6)
But know that the Lord has set apart him (or her) that is godly for Himself: The Lord will hear when I call unto Him (Psalm 4:3)
Like handsome Davidówe are going to experience seasons of loneliness. It wasnít because David was ugly. It wasnít because David didnít have a good job or wasnít eloquent enough. David was a shepherd and musician. Then he became an awesome military man. A natural born leader in the making, but like many of us David suffered in his relationships. He was married to a trophy wife. And because his father-in-law felt threaten of his God appointed kingdom being lost to him. Saul grew jealous of David and sought to kill him. He couldnít catch him so he took Davidís trophy wife and gave her to another man (1 Samuel chapterís 16-18).
Talk about broken relationships! Talk about being alone and separated. This is why David came to this awesome revelation of how God had brought him to this state of being alone.
God sets the solitaryÖ The Lord sets apart him (or her)Ö for what to traumatize you? No, to bring us out of chains of darkness, doubt and despair, and brings us to a place of healing and deliverance as we call upon Him.
What God did in Davidís life He did in my life and Heís going to repeat it over and over in everyoneís life. God has set you up to be solitary-alone for a moment. You must know that the Lord has set you apart for himself. God wants to be your man, your husband, your friend, and companion. God wants this moment of loneliness to be spent with Him not another make-believe boyfriend or some microwave relationship that will instantly grow cold again.
God wants to teach you the art of dating and relating. God wants to teach you how to become a virtuous woman. God wants to teach you how to trust him. God wants to change your spirit, soul, mind and body and conform it to His divine image and likeness. God will bless you inwardly like He blessed you outwardly. God wants to develop a personal relationship with you. Divine intimacy is what Heís looking for.
Will you give Him your life, your love, and your undivided attentionÖ? Will you begin to understand why Heís setting you apart in a solitary place? You can run, but youíll be lonely. You can hide, but you will be separated. You can make excuses, but youíll still be alone. You can surround yourself with people and still feel cheated, depleted and needed.
The opportunity needs to be taken advantage of
Paul the great apostle wrote a letter to the Christians at the city of Corinth. And he dedicated an entire chapter on the topic of relationships. Paul said, I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lordís affairs- how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concern about the affairs of this world Ėhow he can please his wife- and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concern about the Lordís affairís her aim is to be devoted to the lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concern about the affairs of this world-how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Cor.7:32-35)
Some single people feel tremendous pressure to be married. They think their lives can be complete only with a spouse. But Paul underlines one advantage of being single-the potential of a greater focus on Christ and His work. If you are unmarried, use your special opportunity to serve Jesus wholeheartedly.
Personally, I had that opportunity for 12 years before I got married and what did the Lord do in me and thru me? Well read all my articles this year and then youíll see what He did in me. And I didnít even go to Bible College and Iím not selling anything online. All this wisdom and knowledge came to me free by way of dedication and sincere devotion to God. So Iím sharing it as He told me to for free.
Paul is saying this for our own good. Paul is not saying we cannot date or relate. Paul just wants us to understand that too often we spend too much time in our relationships with other people than our relationship with God. God is our Heavenly Father. It may be difficult for some to comprehend this biblical fact but this is why we must learn about Him and His relationship to us as He desires to mature us into a close relationship with Him.
David came to understand this, Paul also came to understand this and I too came to understand this. Now itís your turn to understand this. So donít think that youíre cursed. Donít think that youíre ugly. Donít think that youíre too poor or uneducated. Itís not your complexion or nationality. Itís God your Heavenly Father that seeks your intimacy. Itís time to pray about this singleness and begin to tap into what God is trying to do in our lives.
Father, I thank you in Jesusí name for your mercy on my ignorance of why Iím single and alone. Iím frustrated because of my make-believe boyfriends and uncommitted men. Iíve even come to a place of bitterness and anger with some of them and all men. I may not know all there is to know about relationships but I believe you can reinstruct me in the manner I should develop one. I open my heart to you. I desire to learn more about you. I renounce every evil feeling in my heart and mind about relationships. The bitterness, resentment, hatred, insecurities, inferiority complexes, guilt and shame I leave to you to clean and forgive and deliver me from.
I believe you will make me a stronger woman. I believe you will open my eyes to the biblical principles of dating and relating. I believe I will grow to trust you and wait for the prince, king and the knight in shining armor Iím waiting for. I love you and believe that you have heard this prayer, Amen.
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I want to reach single people. My desire is that you take hold of the opportunity of being single by seeking God more than on Sunday. Build your devotional time each day by increasing the time you read, study and meditate on the word. If you grant me the opportunity I will teach more on how to get closer to God. Be open for more insight and practical teaching to grow spiritually. May God bless you.