Good Girls, Bad Experiences
by Manuel Vargas
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Good Girls, Bad Experiences
As we continue to explore the many obstacles of dating and relating we come to the most delicate and sensitive area that many law-enforcement personnel, medical practitioners and court room judges may handle unprofessionally. We must discuss the subject of Date Rape or Acquaintance Rape.
Itís hard for me as a man to fully understand how horrible rape is for a woman to experience. I can sympathize, but the violation is incomprehensible. I donít feel as vulnerable to being raped as a woman would. However, I have come to realize that rape is another creature inflicting his will on someone without her permission. It is more than just the act of sex.
Acquaintance rape- is a type of rape that occurs between two people who know each other; usually forced intercourse on a date. It is someone victimizing you.
It is estimated that between 70 and 80 percent of all rapes are committed by people know to the victim. Be it a close relative or a desperate acquaintance. Many women are scarred by these awful experiences.
The Victims State
Many women feel guilty about things they had no control over. They feel guilty about being victimized. Many women played a role in their own demise. Others ignorantly fell for the bait and got trapped. Teens especially experience this horrible tragedy when they were virgins, good girls, untouched, unblemished and unharmed. Some innocent girls had not even seen any sexually immoral acts due to their strict upbringing. Let alone think that their acquaintance would commit one against them.
The bible does not hide the fact that innocent girls are raped. I believe that God allowed the authors to record these tragic experiences for the benefit of exposing this terrible experience and be very alert to the potential of these evil events. In one biblical story recorded in Genesis chapter 34. We have a brutal account of a virgin being raped by an acquaintance on the very first day they met.
Now Dinah, the daughter Leah had borne to Jacob, went out to visit the women of the land. When Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, the ruler of that area, saw her, he took her and violated her. His heart was drawn to Dinah daughter of Jacob, and he loved the girl and spoke tenderly to her. And Shechem said to his father Hamor, get me this girl as my wife (Genesis 34:1-4 NIV)
Dinah did not go into the city to meet any men. She went out to visit the women of the land. She was a sister to 12 brothers who were fathered by Jacob. So it was natural for her to meet some girl acquaintances in the land of the Hivites.
Dinah is no different from the many teens who seek out female acquaintances today. It could be at the mall, the shopping district, the pizza parlor, the burger joint, the arcade, the school or the public library. Many girls seek out female company. However, she went out alone. Unprepared for what was about to take place. Dinah was a good girl, a religious holy girl, a virgin. Her wholesome mentality did not allow her the time to consider the potential threat of being raped.
She was unaware of the neighborhood lustful leaders. Like many girls who overlook the threat of local gang leaders in their area or the area they visit. Good girls should realize that most gang leaders or rulers have such an inflated and distorted ego they must feed by terrible and foolish acts, that their image and reputation is maintained by doing things that others would not dare do.
Most local gangs have female members who were raped by all the male members and forced to join or work as a stripper. Others were manipulated to join them and then sexually abused by all the male members. In any case, female gang members could easily set up the new girl on the block or the mall to be raped by the leader, than threatened to silence.
Few people in our country understand that there is little difference between the boys-in-hood drug-lords hanging out at the arcade, whose looking for the next new girl on the block to violate, and a rich young quarter-back jock with his teammates at the local mall who lustfully desires to pull a train of sexual abuse on a innocent girl on the football field underneath the bleachers. Teens should be aware of these facts by caring parents who should inform them.
The spirit of lust and sexual perversion has no regard for race, social status or economical stability. A yuppie driving a benz or a ghetto boy driving a late model customize low-rider have the same purpose when it comes to uncontrolled passions.
Violations by Relatives
The bible is also blowing the trumpet on secret relative rapes. Yes, they happen all the time, by a sick father, uncle, cousin, or your brotherís close friend. The bible tells about the story of Davidís two teens, Amnon who rapes Tamar (his half-sister) by the influence of his cousin Jonadab. (The whole story 2 Samuel 13:1-16).
This tragic account in scripture shows us the importance of securing our young girls from lustful men. Gang leaders, rich rulers, and family members serve as a potential threat of committing an act of rape against an innocent girl.
Dinah and Tamar walked into a trap. Many young girls walk into a relationship with a wicked male acquaintance thatís filled with distorted passions, and his aim is to destroy her. He will attempt to do it in a secluded area to his advantage in a park while its darkÖ,in a car, while its parkedÖ,on the beach during the nightÖ, in a room when no one is in sightÖ, in a wild party when drinking and drugs seem alright.
No matter how it happens or where it happens. His ultimate goal is to ruin her destiny and future, to slash her self-esteem, to spoil what she was proud of, to break her integrity and assassinate her character.
She went into the park as a virginÖ She went into his car a virginÖ She went into his room a virginÖ She let him into her room a virginÖ She had her last drink as a virginÖ She went to the arcade a virginÖ To the movies, the mall, her so-called friends house a virgin. He lured her to that secluded place and when it was over she was a bleeding, trembling, crying wounded girl.
Itís a sad story. It also reveals what people can do to one another if left alone without any instruction or strong morals and principles, not to mention, the wisdom to avoid these traps. Thatís why Iím writing in such detail so that I may inform those who have never conceived these ideas or patterns of abuses.
The Hidden Pain and Shame
Perhaps youíve been raped like Dinah by some 6í2 220pound hunk from your high school or college football team. May be he was a local drug lord, pimp, pusher, or rich young yuppie wasp or some prominent leaders son. Perhaps youíve been raped by your step-brother, father, uncle or cousin. Although you survived, yet, you knew you would never be the same.
Tamar said, to Amnon, No!... sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me (2 Sam. 13:16) The rape and rejection was a double blow. Amnon abused and rejected her.
Perhaps you have spent every day since then tormented with painful memories of the savage night. Unable to sleep, feeling cheated, feeling dirty, unwanted, you canít seem to lift your spirits up because youíre emotionally distraught about what had happen to you. You shout. You sing. You skip. But when no one is looking, when the crowd is gone and the lights are out, you are still that trembling, crying, wounded girl thatís been terribly abused, used and refused by your molester.
People move all around you, at home, at work, or in school and you laugh, even entertain them. You are fun to be around. But they donít know. You canít seem to talk about what happened in your life. Youíve hid it from your mother. Youíve hid from the rest of your family. Your best friend may pick something up that something maybe bothering you but you wonít admit it. You just decided to never tell anyone that this ever happened.
Raping you was horrible, but not wanting you is worse. When teens feel unwanted, it destroys their sense of esteem and value. Maybe, like Jacobís daughter Dinah. The guy wants you even after raping you. Shechem wanted to marry Dinah after he raped her (Gen.34:1-4) A man who rapes first and wants to relate later is a man who thinks with lust instead of love.
There is Hope!
The Lord says, I want you. No matter how many men like this scoundrel have told you I donít want you. God says, I want you. Iíve seen you what happen to you. I know youíre hurting deeply by this tragic event Iím here to help you overcome the terrible pain you had to endure. Iíve seen the aftereffects of what happened to you. Iím going to deliver you. Iím going to heal your emotional scars and wounds and restore your innocence as though this never happened I heal the brokenhearted. I will restore trust to your heart so you can love again. I will replace a godly desire for a man who I plan to bring across your path. You will know how to better date and relate to your new acquaintance. You will overcome by faith. Just believe because all things are possible to them that believe.
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Good article. God bless the victims. He will judge the perpetrators. Vengeance is mine saith the Lord.
I want to thank all of you for your God given approval for this article. You may use it expand it if you desire. I have written more about it but I'm only giving you a small portion in article form. I must comply with the length that articles may be written. There's more to write but I must be obedient to God and write what He inspires me to write. I hope you understand. I must teach on prayer for a few articles. Thanks again.
Manuel, I never read such a well written, thought provoking article in recent times. It was really great. My blood boils at the very thought of young innocent girls, brutalized by power hungry demented minds.I am from India, and off late we have these dreaded gang rapes on lonely girl employees going back to their homes late in the night or early in the morning. I would like to see more such articles.
Manuel, that's well articulated and beautifully written. I am already thinking of borrowing your article for publication in our youth magazine (of course with full acknowledgement due the author). I am also of the opinion that you do a sequel on how to avoid these traps especially our teens. Like you said, so many of them are so innocent and unsuspecting. I believe it would present a complete outlook on the evils of date rape, how to rise above it as victim, or better still avoiding it completely. Keep up the good work and God bless you.