The Identity Crisis Barrier 1
by Manuel Vargas
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The Identity Crisis (Barrier #1)
As we continue to learn the art of dating an acquaintance it would be terribly unfair not to point out why many people fail to develop their intimacy with their acquaintance. If we only teach one side of the story and fail to tell about the barriers of developing an effective and lasting relationship, we could never enter into new levels of relationships.
* It doesn’t matter what obstacles may be set before us to develop an intimate relationship with our acquaintance. We must realize that every road block has a detour…
* Every barrier can be penetrated…
* Every hurdle can be leaped with practice…
* Every boundary can be eventually crossed…
* And every bondage we’re in can be broken!
We shouldn’t allow lack of personal identity stop us from going on to develop another intimate relationship with our new acquaintance. Just because Tony or Tina dumped us doesn’t mean we aren’t any good. Many wonderful people who were dumped take on a rejected attitude. They believe that their failed relationship destroyed their potential and future to take on a new date.
They believe this as they encounter schoolmates, colleagues, neighbors, and co-workers who are aware of their break-up. They whisper remarks and piercing statements like, look at the reject…, no wonder why she got jilted…, she’s nobody…, she doesn’t even have a body! What a jerk, who would give him the time of day…? Just another fish you catch and toss away.
As these already wounded people hear these cutting statements when they walk through the neighborhood, the school grounds, the job site, the market place or the mall. They begin to suffer an identity crisis.
They feel as though they would never be the person that they could have been had they not experienced being dumped or rejected. Their character and self-esteem becomes deeply wounded, even assassinated.Emotionally they’re filled with pain. Their own minds keep tormenting them as the mental tape recorder is rewind and played back with the painful words they’ve heard by their ex…, this is not working out…, I thought we could be something together…, I just rushed into this relationship, I’m sorry…, You’re not type, but I thought I’ll try it out anyway…, It was a mistake to begin with…, I just wanted to have fun, nothing serious.
People who suffer an identity crisis have this idea that their identity have been changed only because of the rejection they’ve experienced. Some are unaware of their changed behavior. They walk in self-pity as their minds replay the rejection and opinions of society.
Beneath the make-up and professional smile that covers up the painful rejected feelings, a sense of value and importance have been pushed aside by a state of hopelessness that has set in to define their image.
Then the enemy of our souls, satan and his evil forces of darkness takes full advantage of the situation by studying our reactions to the rejection. Our moods, attitudes, background, past hurts and painful memories are his weapons to use against us. Thoughts of suicide come in…,Thoughts of seeking any kind of quick fixes come in…, drugs, alcohol, and sex with anyone comes to mind to tempt us into throwing our lives away or try to gain some kind of warped value.
So instead of rejecting the comments of people and casting down the wicked imaginations of the devil and his foes, they reject themselves, and live up to the past and present remarks and expectations of the people around them.
Look at the real you
We must learn to take on a true identity. A true set of characteristics by which an individual is recognized not as a reject, but a respected person who is aware of the fact that relationships could fail or fall apart based on many reasons. Before the separation, the dump or rejection-like many others experienced (especially those who criticize us), we were on a quest of dating in order that we can relate in several areas of our lives with our acquaintance. But somehow, somewhere our dating had become un-relating. It could have been a financial issue, a sex issue, a busy schedule issue, and so on.
The problem with many people who lose touch with relating to someone usually believes that they could not relate with someone else. We need to remind ourselves however, that a date is one thing and relating is another. Just because someone looks appealing on the outside doesn’t mean that they’re all together on the inside.
Through dates (social outings) we get to know each other, but we will not all relate to each other in many areas. We need to realize that social classes of all kinds come into play like religion, ethnic color, traditions, norms, social expectations, customs, value systems, education, morals, and principles that can impact, shape, mold, suppress, control and in some cases oppress the natural course of developing an intimate relationship with our acquaintance. Having such a list of areas to work with, it’s no wonder why dating can be intriguing or challenging.
These facts should not discourage us in the least, but encourage us to visualize what we must consider and apply to prevail in our future attempts to build a solid relationship with our new acquaintance.
This teaching has been brought to you by the Holy Spirit of Almighty God the Father and his Glorious Son and Savior Jesus Christ. May this move you to continue to keep moving forward.
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