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Will the Rapture come before the oil prices go up again?
by Julie Michaelson
02/28/11
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For
the Lord
Himself
will descend
from heaven
with a shout.
[1 Thessalonians 4:16]
************************
"LORD?
ARE YOU COMING
FOR US, SOON?"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"What is the
matter now,
Mein kin'der."

"The GAS PRICES!
THE GAS PRICES!
Haven't You SEEN
THEM?"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Yes,
My beloved."

"IS THIS ONE 'A
THOSE BIRTH PANGS
that JESUS TALKED
ABOUT?"

[SIGH.]

"In YOUR DAY
they didn't have to
worry about this STUFF,
LORD!"

"Whose day,
My precious."

"YOUR DAY!
YOUR DAY!
BACK IN B.C.!"

[CHUCKLE.]
"Ah.
I see."

"YEAH!
All you guys had to
do, was feed the DONKEYS!"

"Who is 'you guys',
My kin'der?"

"It's Philadelphianese,
LORD! It means......YA'LL!
In Pittsburgh, they say
Y'UNS!"

[LAUGHING.]

(Smile up at the ceiling.)
"I'm not SURE....
what they say in the
MIDDLE EAST....
maybe:
'WE GOT 'EM BY THE
THROAT!'

[PATIENT FROWN.]
"Don't be ugly,
My precious."

(Shout.)
"WELL?
IT'S TRUE!
THEY JUST WANNA
SQUEEZE AMERICA,
WHERE IT HURTS!"

[SIGH.]

"CUZ, WE SORT'A
SUPPORT ISRAEL!
AND, NOT EVEN
THAT MUCH,
ANYMORE!"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"Child,
have you said
your prayers,
yet?"

(Irritable shout.)
"THAT'S WHAT I'M
DOIN', RIGHT NOW!
IF THOSE GAS PRICES
GO UP ANY MORE,
I'M GONNA HAVE TO
GO BUY MYSELF..
A DONKEY!"

[CHUCKLE.]
"You wouldn't
ride it,
My beloved."

(Sigh.)
"Neah.....You're RIGHT.
I'd just put him in my
GARAGE, with a big
TROUGH full 'a hay and
CARROTS...
and, a big soft BLANKET."
(Pause.)
"And.....a PILLOW."

[CHUCKLING.]

"And, a RADIO...
to keep him COMPANY,
while I was at WORK."

[NODDING.]

"Then, I'd have to get
him ANOTHER DONKEY...
cuz, I'd think he was
LONELY!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Yes,
My beloved."

"But, the TWO 'a them
wouldn't get ALONG!
They'd be NIPPING
at each OTHER!
And, I'd have to build
ANOTHER GARAGE FOR
THE NEW ONE!"

"Go to sleep,
My beloved."

"SO, WHEN ARE
YA COMIN' BACK,
LORD?
SOON?"

"Yes,
My beloved."

(Shout up at the ceiling fan.)
"THAT WOULD SERVE
THOSE GUYS RIGHT,
LORD! ALL THE CHRISTIANS WOULD
DISAPPEAR, AND THERE'D
BE LESS PEOPLE TO BUY
THEIR FRIGGIN' OIL!"

[SIGH.]

"WHEN ARE YA COMIN'
BACK? BEFORE THE SHELL
STATION ON THE CORNER
YANKS THEIR PRICES,
AGAIN?"

[PATIENT VOICE.]
"Perhaps,
My beloved."

(Yell up at the
ceiling plaster.)
"MY PRAYERS ARE
REAL ORIGINAL,
AREN'T THEY,
LORD?"

[SIGH.]
********************
Then
we who are
alive....
shall be
caught up
together...
in the clouds
to meet
the Lord
in the
air.
[1 Thessalonians 4:17]


Copyright 2011.

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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Member Comments
Member Date
Denise Velarde 22 Mar 2011
Thanks Ms Michaelson for your story - it was funny and comforting. I enjoyed it. To your other commentor Kylan - if the Rapture already happened and we are in the Millennial Kingdom - really - this is not such a great thing then :-) Keep up the great work Julie!
Kylan McClelland 21 Mar 2011
Ah, the rapture. How egotistical are we to think that it is still to come. For all we know it happened long ago and no one wants to admit it.




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