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Discover New Ways To Improve Compatibility
by John Tyler 
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Discover New Ways To Improve Your Compatibility!

Trying online dating? - Seeking that soul-mate for life? Have you had a rough time with your other relationships? Do you feel that there's a rift between you and a family member, friend, relative, co-worker? I have good news for you!

As an author of seven books, I wrote one on relationships, but I want you to know a few things, so I'll share those valuable insights regarding compatibility issues that plague a good portion of the population.

According to divorcerate.org, the stats for those filing for divorce are staggering. 27.6% of women under 20 years of age get divorced. For men in that age range, it's 11.7%. Twenty to twenty-four years olds gets worse! 36.6% women and 38.8% men. As we get older (some might think wiser), the divorce rate begins to slow to where 25-29-year old couples split at the rate of 16.4% of women vs 22.3% of men.

Once we get over thirty, the rates really slow down. Between 30-34, women divorce at the rate of 8.5% and men still outweigh that number at 11.6%. 30-39 year old women quit only 5.1% of the time and men slow to 6.5%

Let me quote three more stats that ought to blow your mind! Those who are married once have a divorce rate of 41% - while those of us who are married for the second time divorce 60% of the time - and third marriages....forget about it! They divorce at the alarming rate of 73%. Apparently, there is a compatibility problem!

I am getting this 14-question "mini quiz" from my book to bring some things to your attention. Take this test, add up the score, and see where you pass - need help - or fail.

Commitment- I want to involve myself in his/her life. I want to commit to extend and deepen my friendship with him/her. For example, I would gladly give of my time - even if it means giving up something I wanted to do in order to help my friend with a problem. I would offer to help this friend in any way that he/she needs me, so that he/she can depend on me.

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)

1. Commitment- When I arrange to meet my friend, I always arrive on time or call him/her if I will miss or be late for our meeting.

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)

2. Strong Liking- I have a strong liking for and warm attachment to this person. I can honestly say to him/her, "I love you".

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)

3. Strong Liking- When my friend is not in my presence, I think about him/her. Sometimes, I want to call or send a card or note asking how he/she is doing.

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)

4. Trust- I believe I can risk the chance of being hurt by this friend through conversation or deed, but I can love him/her enough to talk through the hurts.

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)

5. Affection- I am fond of this person and can easily hug him/her. By doing so, I am stating that I welcome him/her into my space. I am willing to open up and extend my trust.

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)

6. Compassion- I can be compassionate with my friend. I believe that when he/she hurts, I hurt. When he or she is joyful, so am I. And, I don't become jealous of his/her blessings.

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)

Commitment - I feel that I can pray with and for my friend and, when I say that I will pray for him/her, I really do it.

7. Commitment- When I say that I will do something for my friend, I do it. I don't just talk to make him/her feel good for the moment. To do so lacks integrity.

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)

8. Trust- I can trust this person with my information and with my conversation.

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)

9. Trust- I feel that I can open up to him/her about any subject, believing that my friend will hold it as protected. I don't believe that confidential information will come back to me second-hand.

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)

10. Love- I believe that I could love this person enough to donate an organ to him/her...even if it were a risk to my own life.

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)

11. Trust - It would make me nervous to become more than an acquaintance with this person right now.

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)

12. Trust- This person is a casual acquaintance right now,, but I feel that I could develop a deeper relationship with him/her.

YES_________ (1) NO____________(0)


This test can give you a clue as to whether you are compatible with your intended friend, lover, hugger or other- or if you need to work on the relationship. The higher the score - the more compatible you are.

There is a relationship that I call a "soul-mate" relationship that must be developed before a marriage becomes an option for singles, widows or divorced people.

The Merriam-Webster definition of "friend" is a "person attached to another by esteem (confidence, trust, respect and admiration)." Therefore, one true friend becomes attached to another by having confidence in them, respect for them, and trust in them and affection for them. What develops over time is a strong liking or love as already defined (affinity, affection, fondness, soul-mate kinship and warm attachment). Friends should actively demonstrate compassion, concern, devotion and commitment to each other's needs.

When one friend is up emotionally and the other is down, the "up friend" encourages and inspires the other to keep going. Friends enjoy speaking to each other. They love to be in the company of each other, face to face.

With online dating sites in abundance, many people are searching for that soul-mate love of their life. The problem comes when the luster wears off. The physical attraction that we seem to have for the opposite sex will wear off at some point. Certainly the intensity will die down in a year or two. This is when we realize we should have considered the compatibility issues. We become faced with reality. "She isn't really what I expected...she seems to have no respect for me." "He's an idiot...why did I ever get involved with him? He doesn't stand by me. He makes fun of me. He doesn't respect me. He thinks I'm just here to be his mommy."

I've heard it all from women that I have interviewed for the book, and from men. The needs of each are far different than we expected it to be. I think that every soul on the planet should be required to read, "Men Are From Mars - Women Are From Venus" by John Gray. When I first read that book, I could not believe how women think! I was stunned! Once I read the book, however, it opened my eyes to how different women are from men. Of course, I was one of those idiot guys who learned things after my divorce some 14 years ago!

Do we love one another? To me, love is the foundation of any relationship. Can your intended be trusted with you...with your secrets? If love is our foundation, trust can build from it. In fact, I will drag a quote out from my book..."If love is dead in a relationship, everything else - including trust - is out the window."

Before love shows its pretty face, commitment is necessary. Before marriage is contemplated, commitment is crucial. Commitment means that both parties commit to love, honor, respect - cherish - esteem the other greater than yourself...and be determined to commit to loving one another for life. The reason I say that is because today - we are being taught (through the media, mostly) that marriage is only a piece of paper. It's like buying a car. If you don't like it, you trade it in for a newer model!

Yet, we plug along - looking for Mr. Right or Ms Goodlookin with no thought as to whether you are compatible. Improving compatibility involves commitment to test and retest yourself and the other person whom you have an interest in. Those strangers we find on dating sites are seldom who they say they are. They create an "illusion". You are also an illusion. That photo that you put on the dating site was you - ten years ago!

I know of a woman who uses a photo of her taken at least twenty years ago. Her guy was attracted to the "illusion". They chatted for hours. He lived in Texas - she in Massachusetts. Long distance love affairs are great - until it comes time to meet. The guy decided to pay a visit to this lady who was twenty years older and at least 80 pounds heavier!

Well, surprise surprise! "Hello, I'm "Jim", is your daughter home?" Once the truth came out, old Jim hightailed it back to Texas so fast that the weatherman told of a mini-tornado that hit Massachusetts!

I'll have to leave it there.

John Tyler, Author of nine books.
FIVE of my books are bible-bases, so those are FREE!


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