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EVE'S LABOR - A Modern-Day Comedy
by Angie Ragg
04/25/04
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Eveís Labor - A Modern-day Comedy

Imagine the first husband and wife in the history of creation to experience labor and delivery of the first child ever born on earth. They do not have doctor. They cannot look up symptoms in a textbook. They do not have a 24-hour nurse hotline to call. Eve doesnít even have a mother, a sister or a friend to tell her what to expect. There is not another woman on the face of the planet that has ever faced labor. She will be the first. I would imagine the whole pregnancy and delivery kept them in suspense, especially Eve. I also believe it was probably a bit comical.

SCENE I

This tale comes to you from the Garden Of Eden - set in a somewhat of a modern scene. Adam & Eve are preparing the evening meal of berries and greens. They have a seat next to the stream where they live and they give a word of thanks to the Lord.

Eve: Adam, Iíve been feeling a bit strange lately.

Adam: Well Eve, you know I think you are the most beautiful being in all creation, but youíve been acting a bit strange lately.

Eve: It seems I am growing. The tunic the Lord made for me to wear is getting too tight.

Adam: Maybe you need to lay off the figs and avocados. They are loaded with fat.

Eve: Now Adam, thatís not funny. Iím really concerned. It almost feels like there is something growing inside of me.

Adam: Yea, itís called gas.

Eve: Can you please be serious? Put your hand on my stomach. Iíll show you what I mean.

Adam leans over and puts his hand on Eveís stomach. He waits for a couple of minutes, rolls his eyes and starts to finish his dinner. Eve grabs his hand and places it on her stomach again.

Eve: Be patient! Sometimes it takes a while. Just be still!

As he sits there with his hand on her stomach, he starts thinking about all the work he has to do the next day. ....Till the garden...Dig up those darn thorn bushes....Harvest all those apples off the......WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT?.....

Adam: EVE! Did you do that?

Eve: NO! I told you something was strange! Now do you believe me?

Adam: We need to ask God about this! Come on!

As they stand up, Adam says under his breath ďI hope this woman the Lord made for me is not defective!Ē

END OF SCENE I



SCENE II

The newlyweds awake from a peaceful sleep last night. They now understand what is happening and are preparing for the days work.

Adam: I have a lot of work to do today. So, what do you think about what the Lord told us about your growing belly?

Eve: Well, he said it was his will that we multiply. I think it is an honor to be used by God for this purpose.

Adam: Me, too. But, do you know what I was thinking about last night?

Eve: What?

Adam: Remember when we were abolished from the garden? Didnít God say to you that child-bearing would be painful and you would produce children with much anguish?

Eve: I know. I thought about that, too. I was wondering how this new life will come out. If I get much bigger than this, I can understand why it would be painful. Maybe the Lord will provide me with one of those pouches like the kangaroos have and I can just pull it out.

Adam: Yea, or maybe youíll just lay an egg like the ostrich. Then, we can just wait for it to hatch.

Eve: Either way, Iím a little nervous about it. But, the Lord said it would be awhile longer and that I would know when the time has come.

Adam: How much longer? Itís seems as your belly grows, the more irritable and emotional you are.

Instantly, Eve is visibly angry.

Eve: Really? Gee! I wonder why?! How would you like to wake up 6 times a night to because you think you are going to burst? How about if your legs get to be the same size all the way down to your ankles? Maybe you should try tending to the garden with a watermelon tied to your belly! Or how would you like to have a burning flame in your chest every time you eat!

Now, Eve starts to cry. Adam has a look of fear on his face. Eve continues.

Eve: (sobbing) After all, I am doing this for us! It seems like I am not as beautiful anymore, either. Do you still love me? Do you still think I am beautiful?

Adam is afraid to speak. Somehow, he musters up some courage.

Adam: Eve, you will always be the most beautiful being in all of creation and I love you with all my heart. Whatever I can do to help you feel better, please tell me. Iíll do anything.

Eve: I know you love me, Adam. Iím sorry to be so impatient. If you want to make me feel better, I can think of something you can do.

Adam: Name it.

Eve: I know you have a busy day, but can you rub my feet? They are causing me a lot of pain. Also, I have been having a strong desire for some kumquats . I know they are on the other side of the valley, but I would really love to have some. And, you know how much I love it when you brush my hair. It really relaxes me. One more thing, can you do these things before you leave for the day? I really love you.

Adam is exasperated. How could he say no to any request she makes? He must endure. Just as she has. He must endure. He is also motivated by his fear of her emotional outbursts during this unfamiliar journey.

Adam: Yes, dear. I love you, too.

END OF SCENE II



SCENE III

Adam is sound asleep, but is awakened by a tug on his arm. He looks to Eve in a daze.

Eve: Adam, remember when the Lord said I would know when it is time?

Adam: (muffled) Yes.

Eve: Well, itís time.

Adam is shocked into a state of absolute awareness.

Adam: Are you sure? How do you know? Whatís happening? When is it coming? Why are you making that sound? Does something hurt?


Eve is in labor. She finally understands how this baby will be delivered into the world and explains it to Adam.

Adam: How is it going to come out of there? Are you sure about this? Wonít that be painfu.....Oh! Now I see what the Lord meant. Ouch!

Eve: Adam, you need to be calm. I need you right now. Are you with me? Hello?!

Adam is pacing and talking to the Lord. Eve, on the other hand, it going into hard labor.

END OF SCENE III



SCENE IV

Eve is in the midst of the first labor and delivery ever experienced and calls out to the Lord.

Eve: (shouting) Lord, HELP!

God: Eve, I am here.

Adam: I donít understand. How will it come out of there?!

Eve: Lord, this is really......(breath)....... painful. Can I do this ......(breath).......another way?

God: No Eve, this is the only way.

Eve: Lord, .....(breath).......Iím really.....(breath)........really....(breath).......sorry.....(breath).....about.........(breath).......the forbidden fruit.......

God: I know that, Eve. I already forgave you. Now concentrate.

Adam: Lord, what can I do?

God: Be there for your wife, Adam. She needs you right now.

Adam: O.K. Eve honey, here....hold my hand.

Eve grabs his hand and squeezes.

Adam: Eve, HONEY! Not so hard! Ow........

Eve: Adam,....(breath)....I think.....(BREATH)....... I need......(BREATH)......to push!!!....(BREATH).....

Adam: Push what?

Eve gives the first look of disgust in the history of marriage.

Eve: Our child.......(breath).......is here!.......(BREATH).......GET READY!!!!!

Adam looks a bit puzzled. Where?, he thinks. Eve gives a few good pushes, and the baby is born.

Eve: (exhausted, but relieved) Adam.....what is it?

Adam: (through tears) Itís...a.....boy........

Eve: Look at the Lord. Heís crying.

Adam: Lord, why are you crying?

God: My creation is multiplying. My love grows as my creation grows.

Eve: Lord, I am exhausted and sore, but......thank you......it was worth the pain.

Adam: Yes Lord, we now understand a little more of how You love us.

God: I know. This was part of My plan.......be fruitful and multiply........

God leaves Adam and Eve to spend this moment together.

Eve: Adam, have you thought of a name?

Adam: Actually, I have. We will name him Cain.

Eve: Thatís beautiful. I was thinking about the name Abel, also. But, Cain is perfect.

Adam: I know! Weíll name our next offspring Abel!

Eve: IF YOU THINK I AM DOING THIS AGAIN, YOU ARE CRAZY!!!!

END OF SCENE IV



Adam and Eve spend the next 900 or so years, dedicated to bearing and raising many children as the Lord instructed. They were a little more experienced and a lot wiser with each birth. Today, women have doctors, mothers, sisters and friends to share in their own unique child-bearing stories. None, of which, can compare to Eveís experience. All mothers have learned something from her experience in one way or another. After all, she is the mother of all mothers.

A. Ragg©2004



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Member Comments
Member Date
Dian Moore 27 Apr 2004
I've never ever thought of the first labor. Good job!




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