You endure nights with a heart that is twisted until broken in places you never before knew existed. Tears flow. You sleepwalk through days, heart bleeding profusely, endeavoring to function in the frenetic world of every day.
Indeed, life goes on - bills to pay, tasks to accomplish, and people with whom to interact. In reality, you would like to hide away until the pulsating pain stops, and life returns to the familiar.
You probe the whys, but not with the whine of “Why Me?” Rather, with the heart cry of a spirit broken, unable to comprehend the unrelenting agony or the shattered dreams which must now be discarded.
Your emotions kaleidoscope, making focus impossible. Better not to try just now.
It is hard to permit agonizing feelings to surface Yet, better to let sorrow out, allowing tears to cleanse. Your mind will not stop processing the events preceding that heart stopping moment when you became aware of this new reality.
God seems distant.
Unable to reconcile your circumstances with the protective covering you felt a loving Heavenly Father would provide, you turn away in confusion.
Oh yes, you can recite Biblical responses to your unending questions. Still, they are lofty platitudes, useful only for those standing on level ground. The formerly strong cord that bound you to the Savior is stretched tenuously thin. You are fearful it will break, hurling you into even darker spaces.
Your pain pulsates on and you are certain it will never stop.
Gradually, however, your spinning emotions slow and your spirit begins to mend. Wisdom beckons you to listen. Only heaven is free of sickness, sorrow, and death. Earth hands out disease, dilemma, and destruction in varying degrees--at unexpected seasons. You begin to recognize that there are others who, too, have experienced similar pain.
A crossroad emerges. A choice must be made. Proceed into the dark abyss of bitter anger and unrelenting despair. Or, walk toward the light of God’s peace.
You ask the Master Physician to bring healing and hope while accepting that He weeps along with the brokenhearted. Purposefully you lean into His enduring love and choose to believe that the plans He has for you include a future filled with hope.
As you seek out those who have successfully survived sorrows, you also reach out to those who walk in the light of the risen Savior. You begin to comprehend that He has been walking alongside, each and every day.
Gingerly you place your angst filled questions into His capable hands. Eventually you accept that some will be answered in time as you realize that others will only be answered in heaven. You recognize that He promised only to keep you safe throughout trials, never did He promise you would not encounter hardships.
Just as God turned the cross work of Christ into the power of your salvation, so Christ takes the wounds of your soul to create a place out of which His compassion can flow. As surely as you are unable to save your own soul, so you are unable to create your own beauty out of ashes. It is God who works things together for good. Your task is to give Him the broken pieces to mend.
It is clear you will never forget the shattering pain. Nevertheless, you release the matter into the Father’s care. He mysteriously changes the pain filled disaster into something of great worth. Seedlings of new dreams start to root and flourish in your soul. Life takes on new meaning. Your faith becomes stronger in the knowledge that He has sustained through your darkest hours.
Scriptures take on new meaning as the wisdom embedded in them becomes clearer.
With Job, you realize that previously you simply knew about God, now comprehending that you have truly experienced Him. A day comes when you recognize another soul is crying out for understanding. Your own soul’s dark journey is shared as compassionate empathy is imparted, along with hope. With great confidence you assure that the Shepherd never leaves nor forsakes His own.
Goodness and mercy have triumphed. Bitterness has been defeated. The peace of God, passing all understanding, has prevailed!