As I sit here writing this I canít help but think.
Has it really come to this?
I mean I realize I slipped here and there but I truly repented.
And there was a time when I just knew all was well.
I prayed almost continually throughout each day.
I was involved in anything I could be and even took an extra class at Church.
I had it going on with my walk with God.
Then one day I really slipped and of course automatically repented.
But the thought of what I did would not leave my mind.
I couldnít sleep and it got to the point I couldnít eat.
I was a mess and I didnít understand why.
Oh I could have talked to someone but what would they have thought or worse said.
So I just kind of became a loner until I finally just stopped attending Church.
Oh I would cry and still do at times.
But the big worry is not that heavy anymore.
I go to work and sleep in on Sundayís now and at times just sit around.
No one bothers me so I do not bother them.
I have received a few visits and phone calls.
And now a letter from Church.
They just donít understand it is so hard to face the fact I messed up.
So what it was a small slip of words and with that nothing vulgar.
I said what if instead of yes God will.
I mean what was I thinking?
I know better than that.
Iím making a decision today that will end it all.
All the pain and worry of this whole messed up ordeal.
And when the shock of what I am going to do wears off many will remember.
Yes they will remember that sometimes the only solution is one so many are unprepared to accept.
And as this takes place and as I fall and my eyes close I know the peace is near.
And as many see me on that day yes a few may cry.
But the tears will only be for a short time.
The effects of what I will do will last a lifetime.
Ok as one hears this story different outcomes may enter your mind.
Is this person preparing to take themselves out of this world?
Is this person just walking away from everyone who cares?
There may be other questions.
The point is many people fall away from God for reasons smaller than saying what if.
Some get to the point all they wish is for one person to touch them with our Father Godís Love.
But everyone is so busy.
Now this story is made up but oh so real and this is actually how it ends.
Here I go walking up to the front and there is the Alter.
I am falling to my knees and my eyes are closed.
I feel many surrounding me.
Oh thank You Father God.
Thank You so much.
Thank You for Your loving